Three Sizes Too Small
by Kavi Leighanna
Summary: It's Christmas time and Kate can't understand what's making the King of Celebrations so... Grinchy. 2010 Annual Christmas Fic Challenge. C/B. Public Award Winner 2011 Castle Fan Awards!
1. Chapter 1

_Why hello there!_

_So, every year, for the last 5 years or so, I've challenged myself to write a story during December. It is a Christmas story and I post one chapter a day until December 25th. Sometimes, if there's a big call for it, I'll write right through to the 31st & the 1st of January, but that's dependent on feedback. _

_Having said that, sometimes updating isn't every day. If it isn't, there's usually a couple of days where it's updated twice. The goal is to post the last chapter on Christmas Day, December 25th. So far, I've made it every year, so here's to hoping this one won't be any different. That does mean that most of my other stories are being put aside until after the 14th, when I'm done everything. _

_In the meantime, I hope you enjoy the start!_

* * *

**December 1, 2010**

Detective Kate Beckett was a Christmas fiend.

Most wouldn't necessarily expect it of her, especially since she wasn't particularly close with any biological family, but Kate absolutely adored Christmas. When December first rolled around, Kate took an extra fifteen minutes in the morning, just to clear out her car of every CD and replace them all with Christmas ones. It was just who she was.

Because it had been who Johanna Beckett was.

At first, after her mother's gruesome murder, Kate and her father had avoided celebrating Christmas. There was just nothing they wanted to do if Johanna wasn't there to do it with them. But then, as things had settled, as Kate has started at the police academy and started talking to someone about what was going on, Christmas had re-emerged in her life.

And it became even more important when it saved her father's.

So when Kate had gone to bed the night before, she'd been downright giddy. Today was December first, and when her alarm trilled at her shrilly, Kate reacted by all but jumping out of bed. She snatched her iPod off the table and happily snapped it into the speakers in her bathroom while she turned on the shower. She deliberately picked out a red sweater and pulled it over her head, the music from the bathroom speakers still piping into her bedroom from the open bathroom door. She hummed while she made her coffee and all but danced out the door. She even sang shamelessly in the car on the drive to the precinct.

If she had an extra spring in her step as she walked into the homicide bullpen, all she got was a raised eyebrow from Esposito.

"Morning Gents," she said, dropping her bag by her desk and heading to the break room. Her partner wouldn't be by with her morning fix for another couple of hours yet and she was due for her next fix. She settled into her desk, humming under her breath because she couldn't hold herself back.

"It's that time of year again," Esposito said as she returned to her desk.

She flashed them a wide grin. "It is."

Ryan groaned and Kate raised an eyebrow.

"There's something wrong with Christmas?"

"Not wrong," Ryan replied. "Just… Repetitive."

"Repetitive," Kate said, voice without inflection.

"Yeah," he answered. "The same songs, the same decorations, the same stress…"

Kate just raised an eyebrow.

Ryan retreated quickly. "It's not that I don't like Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, okay? I like getting together with my family, eating food, I'm freaking Irish. But everything leading up to it?" He shook his head. "I could do without it."

Esposito shook his head. "Dude, you get excited about buying your mother a gift."

"That's my Mom," Ryan retorted.

Esposito just raised an eyebrow as Kate found herself chuckling quietly. She didn't always show her amusement at their antics but with it being December first, she was in such a good mood that it slipped through. She'd just opened up her e-mail when her phone rang.

"Beckett."

* * *

The apartment was a small, one-bedroom establishment that had been absolutely torn apart. It wasn't new to see crime scenes like this and inevitably in certain ways, it made evidence collection a lot easier, but it also meant sifting through all of it for the elusive smoking gun. She stood with her hands on her hips as she surveyed the scene. Lanie was already there, bent over the body of a brunette.

"Beckett."

She spun around at the uncharacteristic greeting of the man behind her and raised an eyebrow at him. "Castle."

"What do we have?"

Her eyebrow arched higher. He always had a quick quip, some smartassed comment and even a much more creative greeting. But this was a very understated Richard Castle. And it was odd. "Alicia Pine," she began slowly. "Super found her when he came to work on her plumbing."

He stepped closer, then looked down when his shoe made a crunching sound. He bent down to pick up a little 'O'. "I think I know what she had for breakfast." His brow wrinkled. "But what's it doing out here?"

"You've never had breakfast in front of the morning news, Castle?" Lanie piped up as she made a note on her clipboard. Then her attention turned to Kate. "She was strangled. There's some nice red finger marks around her neck. I'm going to get her back to the lab now and see if I can lifts some prints right off her neck." She shrugged. "It's a long shot, but maybe we'll get lucky."

Kate smiled. "Here's to hoping we get lucky. The last thing I need this month is a string of strangulations."

"This month?" Castle asked as Kate went to hunt down the rest of her team. "What's so special about this month?"

She looked at him in confusion. "Um… Christmas? Come on Castle, I expected you of all people, the king of parties, to be excited about the holiday season."

If anything, the downturned look on his face only intensified. "Don't remind me."

Kate actually stopped to face him. "I'm sorry, am I to assume that _you_ don't like Christmas?"

He sighed, "Look, Beckett, it's not a big deal, okay?"

"Not a big deal? I'm sorry, this is the man that needled me about dressing up for Halloween, that told me I had no imagination because I couldn't see the steampunks as cool. You're the one that pegged me for the girl who stopped believing in Santa Clause when I was really young," she replied, ticking the points off on her fingers. "I think your apparent aversion to Christmas is definitely a big deal."

When he met her eyes she was surprised to be able to identify pain in the poker face he tried to put forward. But she knew him too well by this point – they'd been through too much for her not to – and she'd seen that look in his eyes before. Usually, it was when Alexis had done something that went against how he looked at their father-daughter relationship. But Christmas? She expected to find him just as excited about it as she was.

Apparently, she was utterly wrong.

And that shocked her.

"Can we just focus on the case?"

God, the role reversal wasn't lost on her. Usually she was the one trying to get him to focus, not the other way around. Either way, she turned back to the scene as a surprisingly awkward silence settled over her and Castle.

Esposito broke it, and there was a piece of Kate that was shocked how quickly they both latched onto the lifeline.

"She's got a boyfriend," the detective said, handing Kate a picture. She handed it over to Castle after taking a look.

"He have a name?" she asked.

"We're still looking," Ryan answered from the messy kitchen table. "So far, all I've got are bills addressed to our vic."

"Sugar Mama?" Castle inquired.

Ryan could only offer a shrug.

Kate blew out a breath and darted her gaze to Castle. He continued to stand there and Kate couldn't help but feel off about the whole situation. "Keep looking and get back to the precinct."

Ryan nodded. "Consider it done."

* * *

_So, first chapter, first day. What do we think so far?_


	2. Chapter 2

**December 2, 2010**

Kate, as was usual when they had a case, was up and in the precinct long before anyone else. She already had a page of notes by the time Castle sailed in. He seemed happy enough until he came within earshot. She was humming. Again. And it was one of those damn Christmas carols playing everywhere.

With a heavy sigh, he placed the latte by the cup of pens on her desk. He was torn. Part of him liked that Kate was so happy. She spent so much time surrounded by the depression of death, the grief of families, that the times she was genuinely happy he wanted to bottle. At the same time, he absolutely _abhorred_ Christmas. It wasn't that he hated the over-commercialization or materialism that often seemed inherent in the holiday. It was personal. Deeply personal.

"Good morning, Detective," he said, almost in trepidation.

"Morning," she murmured back, her gaze still focused on the murder board. "Ryan and Esposito are out looking for any clue of who the illusive boyfriend is." She checked her watch. "The parents should be coming in any minute."

He knew what that meant and despite his irritation at the carols that seemed to surround him at every opportunity, he felt a wave of sympathy. He knew how much she disliked notifications, but how important they were. "You okay?"

"I'm good," she replied, her voice losing the thread of trepidation that had been there when she talked about the notification. "It's part of the job." She started humming again.

"Can you not hum Christmas songs?" he asked, aware his tone was snappish.

Kate stiffened, turning slowly. She'd decided the previous night, while puzzling over this new moody Castle, she wouldn't let him get her down during the holiday season, that she'd ignore this kind of snappy, short response. If he wanted to be cranky, he could be cranky, but she loved Christmas. And she wasn't afraid to show it.

Honestly, she wasn't totally sure how to deal with this Castle. Beyond the fact that she assumed he'd be as excited as she was, the extent to which he was being an utter Grinch about the whole situation seemed so out of character. Part of her wanted to push – she was a detective, she was curious and he was her friend, so she was concerned – but she wasn't sure it was her place. Castle was the one to push her. He was usually more than happy to help her learn more about him. The things he didn't tell her, she could usually figure out. His poker face was excellent, but he didn't often use it to its full advantage.

She perched her hands on her hips as she looked at him, suddenly determined to get to the bottom of his Scrooge impression. "Castle, what-"

"Detective Beckett."

It was with great exasperation that Kate turned her gaze to the uniform coming towards her. Her entire demeanor shifted upon seeing who was following.

"Mr and Mrs Pine?" She could only offer a small, sympathetic smile when they nodded. "I'm Detective Kate Beckett."

"What's this about?" Mr. Pine asked, taking in the police station. "The officers wouldn't tell us anything."

Kate looked to Castle, just a quick glance to see he'd come up on her left, before turning her full attention back to the man and woman before her. She held out a hand towards one of the interview rooms. "Let's go in here."

The next five minutes were always the worst. Trepidation, concern, worry and all of this from just the parents. Kate could feel her own heart sinking. She remembered what it felt like to have someone tell her Johanna wouldn't be coming home. She remembered her father breaking down beside her, remembered how her world had shattered. She remembered that first Christmas after her death, how quiet, subdued and lonely it had been. Losing family around such a family-oriented time… well she couldn't even imagine what Alicia's parents would feel.

Mrs. Pine gripped her husband's hand as they took a seat on the couch. Kate took the nearby chair. Castle chose to hover in the doorway. She leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees, the same position she always took when notifying a family, when talking seriously.

"Your daughter was found strangled in her apartment yesterday afternoon," she said softly.

The reaction was instantaneous. A split second of doubt, of 'oh-my-God' and then the tears came. Mrs Pine broke down completely, sobbing into her husband's arms while he sat, rigid, but holding his wife. Kate wanted to sigh.

"There's… a mistake. It has to be. Alicia… It's a mistake."

She expected this. "I know how much you want to believe that, Mr. Pine, but we have a positive ID. We checked her photo against her driver's license. I'm so, _so_ sorry."

Castle watched from the doorway in awe. He'd seen her do so many of these, so many shattered parents and family members, so many shredded tissues and broken sobs. But he'd never seen her quite like this. She was softer, quieter, gentler, and his brow wrinkled unconsciously as he watched her. This was beyond the usual compassion she offered the families during these. She wasn't as objective, was more focused on soothing than getting information.

Kate was trying her best to wrap up her emotions, but Christmas meant her mother was that much closer to the surface. She welcomed it every year, but moments like this always made it difficult. "Your daughter had a boyfriend?"

Mrs Pine nodded with a gentle smile. "Charlie. He's a good boy."

"They were a solid couple, Detective. He loved her." He looked to his wife. "I knew the look on his face."

"And recently?" Kate asked softly. "Was there anyone you can think of that she was having a problem with?"

"Alicia? No." Mr Pine answered immediately. It was a standard answer.

"Ralph," Mrs Pine spoke up, sniffling.

Kate offered her the box of tissues on the table. "There was someone?"

Mrs Pine wiped her eyes, then fixed them on Kate. "There was a man at work. She'd been… rebuffing him, but he just didn't seem to understand. Alicia was a sweet woman, Detective. She couldn't be mean, even to get a point across."

"Do you know his name?" Kate asked.

"Jason, I think," the woman replied. "She didn't usually refer to him by name and beyond the first time we talked about him, she didn't usually mention him."

Kate made a note of it, then shifted closer, taking Mrs. Pine's hand in her own. "I _promise_ you," she said. "We will find who killed your daughter."

Mr Pine's eyes were almost dead when Kate met them. "It won't bring her back."

"No," Kate agreed. "But it helps." And that she knew from experience.

After a few more minutes, Kate walked the family to the elevator, passing her card to Mr Pine as she shook his hand. She waited until they were gone before slumping against the wall for a moment. She hated notifications, but ones around holidays were always, _always_ the worst.

"Here."

She looked up at Castle's impassive face. He held out a cup of coffee which she accepted gratefully. "Thanks."

He cocked his head to the side. "That was…"

She offered a small smile. "Yeah. They always are."

"Not like this."

He was asking a question, and it was a question Kate wasn't willing to answer. He already knew enough about her mother and with his Scrooge mood towards Christmas, she wasn't sure she was willing to share that part just yet.

The elevator dinged to her left and Ryan and Esposito stepped onto the precinct floor, pausing when they caught sight of the two of them, then heading over.

"Couldn't find anything on the boyfriend," Esposito said, his gaze darting between the two of them. "You?"

"Got a name," Kate responded. She led the way back to their desks, jotting it down on a Post-It and handing it over. "Charlie Stacie. Run him, get me a last known."

Esposito nodded.

Kate felt her happy Christmas spirit returning with every order. The faster they closed the case, the sooner she could focus back on the holidays and dragging Lanie to take part in all of her traditions. "Ryan, anything you can find on a Jason that our vic worked with."

"Last name?"

"Don't know. Parents could remember."

Ryan rolled his eyes, but plopped down to work.

"And us?" Castle inquired.

There was something lurking in his gaze that she couldn't put her finger on. It was something beyond the annoyance of the season, something beyond irritation that the bullpen was now decorated thanks to some of the support staff. It was curiosity, almost a confusion, and that made absolutely no sense to her. She broke the gaze at the ringing of her desk phone and picked it up with a brisk greeting. She turned to Castle when she hung up.

"We're going to see Lanie."

* * *

_You guys are... awesome. It's really something to wake up to 17 reviews after 25 or so last night. I can't put into words the feeling that gives me. And there aren't enough words to convey my appreciation. Thanks just doesn't seem to cut it._

_The goal is going to be to get them up by 10PM EST, but with reviews like the ones I received, that may change. After getting such an influx of reviews I can't say I wanted to write my paper this morning. So I baked cookies and finished this up instead!_

_I promise we'll get into the nitty-gritty of why Kate loves Christmas so much and why Rick hates it so much, but that's at least one, probably more like two chapters away. I'm really glad you guys are at the very least intrigued by the role reversal here. To be honest, I think it's totally possible. I just think Kate's more reserved than Castle, so while the humming, the Christmas CDs and just generally enjoying the season seem like her, I don't think she'd ever go as far as to dress up. That would be a totally Castle thing to do. _

_Think you guys could throw another 40 reviews into my inbox? I mean, it's not going to make me write faster since the next update isn't until tomorrow anyway, but I'd truly appreciate the feedback._


	3. Chapter 3

**December 3, 2010**

It was afternoon of the next day by the time they were able to track down the "Jason" Mrs Pine had been referring to. The man was clean cut in his suit and tie with blond hair. Kate watched him through the mirror of the observation room, her notes in her hands.

"He doesn't look all that sinister."

Kate rolled her eyes as Castle's soft words. She'd learned in the last twenty-four hours it was best to really just ignore him. He'd been having nasty mood swings in relation to how much Christmas he was exposed to. He'd all but bitten Ryan's head off at the Santa hat the detective had perched on his head that morning. It was now tucked safely in Ryan's bottom drawer.

"You should know by now that they don't all look like killers, Castle."

Lanie had confirmed she'd been strangled, and violently, just in case the upending of her apartment hadn't given them a clue. Beyond that, all they knew was that it was decidedly personal. Lanie hadn't been able to lift any prints off their victim's neck – no surprise, since it had been a long shot to begin with – so they'd still been left with virtually nothing. Except the names of two men.

One of which looked to be just the right side of anxious to begin an interrogation.

So Kate stepped out of the observation room, unsurprised when Castle followed. She paused outside the door turning to face him, considering.

"Oh come on! I've done these before!"

"Never when you were this…" She blew out a breath. "Look, you've been off, okay? I'm not sure it's the best idea for you to be exposed to people right now."

He looked offended, terribly so, but Kate wasn't in the mood nor was she in a position to be anything other than blunt. His Scrooge behavior was rubbing her the wrong way and putting a severe damper on her usual excitement. It was wearing her out.

So she turned and headed into the interrogation room. She'd said all she was willing to say for the moment and she had a suspect to interrogate.

"Mister Zafflin. Detective Beckett," she greeted, sliding into one of the chairs across from the other man.

"I don't know what's going on, Detective. I was working when two officers barged in and… _arrested me_."

There was a part of Kate that really wanted to laugh at how offended and incredulous he sounded. He'd come up squeaky clean, in the background check, but that didn't mean much of anything in the long run.

"Mister Zafflin, do you know this woman?" Kate slid a picture of Alicia Pine, alive and smiling, across the table.

"Alicia? Of course I know Alicia. We work together."

"And…?"

"And that's it, Detective," Jason said, sliding the picture back towards her.

"That's not the story I hear."

Jason rolled his eyes. "Was I interested? Yes. And so was she. She just couldn't hurt her _boyfriend's _feelings."

That was a punch Kate hadn't been anticipating. "You were having an affair?"

"Not in the true sense of the word," Jason replied, leaning forward. "Alicia was… smart. Smarter than I'd ever run into. She was a rising star in the business and I've always been able to count on her when I'm having trouble. She's great to bounce ideas off of, you know? Always thinks outside the box, that kind of thing."

Kate had one of those, but he'd been off the last couple of days. It disturbed her more than she showed and annoyed her less than it seemed. Really, she was just concerned. She mentally shook herself back to the interview. "Did that piss you off?"

"What? That she couldn't break up with her boyfriend? I was a little less than impressed, yeah, but it's nothing I couldn't bounce back from. I figured I'd give her a little more time, see if she could actually step up."

"And when she didn't?"

Jason snorted. "I'd just made that decision, Detective. She and I had a major fight. She didn't love the guy, but she was staying with him because she couldn't bear to hurt him. Well, sometimes hurt happens and we all just have to suck it up and move on."

Kate really wanted to echo his snort, but refrained. "So you went to see her two days ago."

"What? No," Jason disagreed. "I haven't seen Ali in days." Then his entire mood shifted. "Something happened, didn't it? I knew it. Everyone said she was fine, probably just out sick but… What happened?"

As if the notification to the parents hadn't been bad enough. It was obvious that the man in front of her cared about Alicia Pine. Deeply. "She was killed two days ago."

He slumped back in his chair. "Killed. She was… _killed_."

"Strangled," Kate responded. "With bare hands."

"You don't… Oh no. No, it wasn't me. I was out that night, drowning my irritation with some of the guys." He ran a hand through his hair, obviously overwhelmed by the news and probably his own reaction. "I… She's really dead?"

"I'm sorry," she replied with all of the sympathy she could muster. Considering the time of year and the parents she'd talked to just yesterday, it wasn't a miniscule amount. Kate considered a moment. "Did Alicia talk about her boyfriend?"

Jason dropped his head in his hands. "What do you mean?"

"Was he the type to get angry? Violent? Anything like that?"

There was silence while Jason seemed to consider the question. "No," he finally replied. "The times she talked about him… it didn't seem like he could do anything like that."

"I am going to have to verify your alibi," she said quietly after a moment of silence had lapsed. "I'm going to need the names and numbers of the friends you were out with."

"Sure."

She exited the interrogation room minutes later, paper in hand.

"He didn't do it," Castle sing-songed as he fell into step with her.

"I know," came her simple reply. She held the paper out to Esposito. "Run down Jason's alibi. He says he was at a bar with friends the night Alicia was killed."

"What about us?" Castle asked.

Kate stopped moving. "We're going out."

They had nothing to do, no leads to chase, and usually Kate would feel incredibly guilty about the fact that they were out walking instead of back in the precinct combing over evidence. Then again, there really wasn't much to do in the bullpen either. The BOLO was still out for Charlie Stacie and they'd combed through his friends and relatives for someone who had seen them. Until they reached him, they didn't have much to work with.

Kate sucked in a deep breath. The city was decorated for the season with garlands and wreathes and she found herself smiling despite herself.

"With all due respect, Detective, isn't this the point where you spend hours and hours pouring over case files and I annoy you by watching and spinning theories?" Castle inquired.

"Ridiculous theories," Kate corrected, "and there's nothing we can do. Pouring over the case files won't help us solve it until we can talk to Charlie Stacie."

He was frowning. "Do we really have to walk? It's cold outside."

"Cold is what happens in the winter, Castle," was her only response, even as she tucked her hands further into her own pockets. She was pulling on reserve patience right now, trying with all her might not to strangle him. It was bad enough that he was cranky most of the time but this kind of mood swing, from cranky to irritating, certainly didn't help her feel any more centered.

"But this is what they created indoor tracks and treadmills for," he shot back. "To avoid the cold."

"I like walking outside in the winter," she said slowly, carefully. She blew out a breath.

"You like walking outside at _Christmas_."

The distain with which he said the words did it and she snapped. "What is wrong with you?"

Castle stopped dead. "Wrong with _me_?"

"Yes," she answered with a roll of her eyes. "You. You're on some sort of… anti-Christmas rampage that doesn't make any sense."

"Oh, so you can be an enigma, but I can't?" he shot back.

"That's not what I meant." Apparently, her irritation at his prolonged crankiness was starting to show through. "I just want to know what you have against Christmas."

His face darkened. "Nothing."

"Bullshit," she spat. "You've been nothing but… Debbie Downer for three days and that's not normal."

"It's nothing."

"Oh come on! You spend your life poking and prodding at me for any tidbit of information and when I want to know something you clam up? Come on, Castle."

"God, Beckett, leave it alone!"

Kate just barely resisted jumping backwards at the tone while simultaneously dodging the arms he flung out in exasperation. This was the very last thing she'd expected, the very last kind of reaction she'd anticipated. She was the one who snapped. She was the one who got cranky at how ruthless he was when he wanted to know something. She eyed him, the flashing irritation in his eyes. This was a Richard Castle she had very little experience in dealing with.

"There are some things that are just too personal."

Now it was her turn to get irritated. "And what? You can pry into them and talk to my friends and family to get the answers but I can't ask you? Quid pro quo, Castle."

"Leave. It. Alone." His voice was low, almost dangerous, but, like he was apt to do, Kate had been pushed to her own breaking point.

She stepped closer. "No."

They stood toe to toe, both of them irritated and angry at the conversation. Then, abruptly, he turned.

"What, that's it?" she called.

He paused almost mid-step and turned back to her. "Alexis and I go away every year. So, have a good holiday, Detective."

Kate was utterly gobsmacked as he walked away. What the hell had just happened?

* * *

_I don't like this one much, but that's my own personal opinion. I couldn't get Castle to cooperate with me and get angry enough. But that's okay! Because there's tomorrow and that involves Alexis and Kate which I'm really looking forward to writing. _

_Thank you SO MUCH to the people who reviewed the last chapter. Most of you got a reply if you left a signed review and it was an absolute blast to sort through them all. _

_Until tomorrow!_


	4. Chapter 4

**December 4, 2010**

The last thing Kate expected when she returned from an early lunch the following day was the redhead standing awkwardly by her desk. Still, she couldn't help the smile that blossomed over her face. Kate genuinely liked Alexis, without the same roller coaster of emotions that were usually involved with any conversation about her father.

"Alexis," she greeted.

"Detective Beckett, hi," she responded, twisting the strap of her bag in her hands.

Kate settled herself, then waved to Castle's chair when Alexis continued to stand. The girl took it. Kate offered her a gentle smile. "What's up?"

"Um…" She blew out a breath. "Dad was pretty cranky when I got home."

"So you came to ask about it?" Kate inquired, shifting back to her desk and moving papers around.

"Well…" She paused, then seemed to soldier on. "I know my dad, so I know what kind of things put him in what kind of mood. I mean, starting in December, we kind of avoid each other until we go away, but… I've never seen him like that. And when I see any kind of new moods… well, they're usually associated with you."

Well that wasn't surprising. Kate was the 'new' feature in Castle's life. But what really caught Kate's attention was Alexis' reference to the Christmas season.

"So," the teenager continued nervously. "I poked, I prodded, I asked and he finally told me." Then she seemed to settle. "And I wanted to come tell you."

"That's not necessary," Kate said immediately, lowering her voice and leaning towards her. "Everyone's entitled to have days, even months, where things aren't the best."

"This is different. He really likes you, Detective and… This is my fault."

Kate focused on the last half of the sentence. The rest of it… she still wasn't sure she was anywhere near ready to address it. "Alexis, I highly doubt your dad blames you."

The redhead cocked her head to the side with eyes that seemed wiser than her years. It was still terrifying to Kate that Alexis was so polar opposite to her father. "Okay, so it's my mom's fault."

"Your mom?" Kate hadn't liked Meredith. There was too much superficiality in that woman, all style and no substance.

"Yeah," Alexis responded, back to playing with her purse strap. "My mom left a couple of days before Christmas."

That stopped Kate dead.

"I was really little so I don't remember much, but I vividly remember Dad telling me my mom wasn't going to be around for Christmas." She tried for a nonchalant shrug, but it was obvious to Kate that it still bothered Alexis. "I found out later that she'd just walked out." Alexis laughed, but there was no humour in it. "Dad's Christmas present from Mom was a note and the divorce papers."

And everything fell into place in Kate's mind.

"Every year after that Mom said she was going to come for Christmas, you know? She promised she'd fly in a couple of days before and stay until a couple of days after. And every year, she cancelled."

Kate couldn't stop herself from reaching out to Alexis and resting a gentle hand on her leg. Alexis sucked in a breath.

"You'd think after a while I would stop believing her but… she's my mom, you know? I wanted to believe that she would keep coming, that Christmas was an important holiday for her because it was about family.

"For the first couple of years, Dad tried to make Christmas special. He tried to get my mind off of the fact that Mom wasn't coming. It was like he knew every year when she called to say she had her plane ticket that she was going to call a few days later with some sort of excuse. But he tried everything he could to make Christmas fun. I wouldn't have any of it. I cried and cried and begged Dad to make Mom come." She shrugged. "It's a family holiday."

Oh, it was, and it was the family part that Kate valued the most. But she knew everyone reacted to trauma differently. While hers may have been more severe, she'd had plenty of good Christmases with her mother. Alexis had been robbed of that young and it was obvious that it still bothered her.

"It was hard at school, because everyone would talk about how they were spending the family with their families, seeing aunts and uncles that they never really got the chance to see, decorating the tree with their parents… that kind of thing. And I didn't get to do any of that. I think after a while Dad just gave up. We started going away when I was eight because it was easier than staying in the loft. We just… go on vacation and do vacation-y things. Then we don't have to do Christmas-y things."

Kate waited to see if Alexis was going to say more. She was about to speak when Alexis opened her mouth again, her hand coming down to squeeze Kate's.

"Honestly? I think we both just think it's easier for the other if we don't celebrate. I wouldn't mind trying again, now that I'm older and I understand my Mom but… I think at this point, remembering all of those old Christmases makes it too difficult to make new memories. I don't want him to associate Christmas with my mom leaving and me crying, but I don't want to risk having to break through those memories either."

The detective squeezed Alexis' hand. "It makes sense, Alexis. I'm sorry for pushing your dad. I didn't think it would be anything like this."

Alexis shrugged. "I've been thinking it's time to change it, you know? My friends all celebrate Christmas and… well, I've been kind of celebrating it with them for a while. I tell Dad it's a sleepover." Her face brightened. "We do gift exchanges and everything."

Kate grinned at the teenager's exuberance. "It's my favourite time of year," she agreed.

"I just wish… I don't know what I wish," Alexis sighed.

But there was an idea forming in Kate's mind. She'd have to be careful, delicate, but there was the potential, with Alexis' help, that she could pull it off. She leaned forward. "Alexis, I have an idea."

* * *

Castle should have known he wouldn't be able to stay away. He was still upset, still uncomfortable with the idea of having to face Kate, but he just couldn't stay away. They still didn't have their murderer in custody and if there was one thing he hated, it was leaving a case unfinished. That was the only explanation he could come up with for why he was dragging himself to the precinct late that afternoon.

With their fight yesterday – and yes, he would most certainly consider it a fight - he'd been even more cranky than usual. He didn't like fighting with Kate, not in the true sense of the word. They bickered, teased and irritated each other but they rarely fought. And when they did, it was usually his fault.

He didn't want to talk about how much he hated Christmas. That was what it came down to. But then again, she had made a point about how much he'd learned about her mother by asking and how little he was willing to exchange. He knew how private Kate was about her personal life, most specifically about her mother, but that didn't matter to him. It was as much about learning about her as it was about learning about her mother.

When he stepped onto the homicide floor, his detective was nowhere in sight. He glanced around with no success. Ryan looked up as he moved towards them.

"Hey man. Hear you and Beckett had it out yesterday."

He just shrugged.

"Well he's not bringing presents so it couldn't have been that bad," Esposito piped up.

Castle didn't acknowledge either comment. "Where is she?"

Esposito pointed to one of the interview rooms. "Updating the parents. She always does this in December."

"Does what?" Castle asked, brow wrinkling.

"She's always talking to the families when murders come at Christmas," Ryan answered. "She keeps them up to date on every advancement of the case. She called Mister and Mrs Pine this morning and asked them to come in."

"Why?" Castle asked after a moment. "They just lost their daughter."

"Exactly, Bro," Esposito picked up. "You know how she is about her mom and this is a family time of year. She probably knows exactly how they feel."

"Beckett's mom liked Christmas?"

"That's a question for Lanie," Esposito replied. "You know how she is about anything to do with her mom."

Oh, did he ever. The same way he was about what made Christmas so terrible. Castle's shoulders sagged. Both detectives caught it.

"Dude, what's going on?" Ryan asked.

"Nothing," Castle responded. "You know what? I think I'm going to head out."

The detectives exchanged a look, but Castle's eyes were still fixed on Kate, leaning forward, and talking in soft tones to the Pines. He'd made a mistake, and though he'd probably never admit the words to Esposito, Ryan or even Kate herself, he could recognize it. If she could share about her mother's murder, about how it had torn her apart, he could tell her about Christmas.

"You just got here," Esposito said.

Castle shrugged. "I've got work to do, planning, writing, you know." Planning, definitely.

"Um… sure, man," Ryan replied. "We'll see you tomorrow?"

"Maybe. Alexis and I are going away." He offered them a shadow of his usual smile. "Have a good holiday."

The minute the elevator doors closed on Castle, Esposito picked up the phone. There was no way he and Ryan were going to get to the bottom of this particular mystery, but he definitely knew someone who could.

* * *

_THIS one I like a lot better. So now we have Alexis' take on why her father hates the holiday._

_But MY GOD! You guys keep reviewing like this and I'm going to feel so guilty for only updating once a day! And considering the overwhelming amount of research I have to do in the next 3 weeks, that's saying something! That, of course, does not mean I will be changing my once a day update pattern, it just means I'll feel worse for keeping you guys hanging. _

_And I know this feels like a cliffhanger in its own right, but Lanie's conversation will come. Just... not yet? _

_I don't know if I have to ask you guys to please review, but I will tell you that I appreciate it with all my heart. I know I didn't get back to most of you from yesterday and I apologize for that. The hope is that I'll be better as my workload lightens. _

_OH! One last thing that was very diplomatically pointed out to me... the timeline. I have no idea where this sits in the timeline of the show. I haven't made any concrete decisions on it. Part of me wants it to be within the current context of canon because then I get to play with the great episodes out of season 2, but then again, if they'd been working together almost 2 years, they'd know how the other reacted to the Christmas season. For now, I've been careful to keep away from making references to the show and the cases they've worked, but if I do decide on a specific spot in the show timeline where this takes place, I'll make sure you guys are aware of that decision. _

_Okay, NOW click the little button.  
_


	5. Chapter 5

**December 5, 2010**

Castle walked into the precinct the next day just in time to see a man being led into an interrogation room by none other than Detective Ryan.

"That our guy?" he asked Esposito, standing nearby.

"That's him," Esposito agreed. "Boyfriend."

Castle just nodded. He hadn't come to talk to the other detectives. He'd come to talk to Kate.

She'd accused him of not giving back. Initially, it had hurt, which was why he'd walked away so abruptly. When he'd thought about it, he'd realized how terrifyingly true the statement was. He was very protective of himself when it came to Kate Beckett. He liked to believe it was for good reason. She had the serious potential to hurt him and she had, whether she realized it or not. He knew she didn't take him seriously, not most of the time anyway and not when it came to his feelings about her. Keeping all of his secrets to himself was a defense mechanism.

But did she deserve to know some of those secrets? Considering some of the things he'd all but weaseled out of her in their time as pseudo-partners and more official partners he was very much inclined to say yes. And, if he wanted something more, something real, with her, he was going to have to be willing to jump off the ledge sometimes too. She had trusted him with some of her deepest secrets. He wanted to trust her with his.

He'd wanted to, long before this. But Kate had never asked beyond why he was so enraptured with the macabre. He'd given her a lie for her trouble. He wasn't stupid enough to think that his lie alone was enough to turn her off from asking questions, but he also wasn't stupid enough to think that if he kept avoiding them, she'd just stop.

And that was the last thing he wanted.

So, despite the fact that he didn't know if he really wanted to face the Christmas cheer she seemed to embody, he'd pulled himself into the precinct. He wanted, _needed_, to get everything sorted out before he truly felt comfortable leaving.

Kate, for her part, was not oblivious to the man who'd entered. She chalked it up to her keen sense of observation and continued to study the notes she had in front of her while Castle finished his conversation with Esposito. At least, she'd thought it would be a conversation. The next time she looked up from her last perusal of her notes, Castle was right beside her.

"I want to talk to you."

She hesitated, for a split second, unsure of what kind of mood he was in and admittedly still stinging a bit from his abrupt brush off a few days prior. "You're talking now."

"No. Somewhere private."

"Castle, I'm about to head into an interrogation."

"I can wait."

Apparently outside, since she ended up across the metal table from Charlie Stacie without her partner. Not that Kate minded, necessarily.

"We've been looking for you, Charlie," she said in greeting, opening her file and leaning forward on her elbows.

His eyes were shifty, but otherwise, he seemed like a guy she would be willing to take home to her father. It never ceased to amaze her that some of the worst criminals seemed like the greatest of people. And she had no doubt that the man across from her had killed his girlfriend.

"I don't know why," Charlie blurted in response. "I haven't done anything."

"No?" Kate asked in response. She paused. "I don't believe you."

Charlie shifted uncomfortably in his chair. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"This." She slid the picture of a smiling Alicia Pine towards Charlie. "This girl's family won't get to celebrate Christmas with her this year."

His finger came out, tracing down her face slowly. He didn't say anything.

"Know why, Charlie?"

He continued to trace her face.

She slapped another picture beside the first, the one of Alicia at the crime scene, red marks around her throat. "Because someone did this to her."

Charlie started and tears welled in his eyes.

"So tell me, Charlie, how did she get like that?"

"I don't know," he whispered.

"Oh?" Kate snapped harshly. "I don't believe you."

He looked up. "You think I did this."

"She was looking at starting a new relationship. Dumping you for a guy at work." She gave him a deceptively nonchalant shrug. "I'd be pissed."

"She… she what?"

"Don't play dumb. It's not attractive." She leaned forward, her voice going low, soft and threatening. "So what happened? You found out and got angry? Maybe saw the texts on her phone? Tell me, Charlie. Why did you take her away from her family weeks before Christmas?"

He lifted his chin, though is mouth was trembling. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Then where were you December first?" Kate shot back, leaning back and away from him again. This push and pull was what she lived for and it served a dual purpose. She'd feel a hundred times better if she could get him to confess and she'd be able to tell the parents she'd found the person who'd killed their daughter.

"At work," Charlie answered.

"And what time do you start?"

He faltered, and Kate knew she had him and abruptly switched tactics. "I can't help you if you don't give me something to work with. We know you were at Alicia's apartment, Charlie. Arresting you gave us probable cause and the lab is running your hair and fingerprints."

"I was dating her. Of course my stuff's going to be in her apartment."

"And the fresh coffee cup? The extra bowl of cereal? You were there that morning, Charlie."

He sputtered. "Someone broke in! After I left for work!"

"The lock wasn't jimmied or broken and the door was in one perfectly working piece," Kate retorted.

"She let them in."

"She was paranoid, Charlie. She had passwords that had passwords on her laptop, even a lock on her bedroom and office door. There's no way a girl like that allows a stranger into her home."

"The phone guy-"

"None in the area. We're thorough. We looked." They hadn't, but he didn't need to know that. Kate's gut was telling her they had their guy. "You killed her, didn't you?"

And then it came. That moment, the one she both loved and hated. Charlie Stacie's face crumbled and he dropped his head into his hands. "She… She was going to _leave_ me. She was having an affair. I caught her on the phone with him, talking about lunch." He sighed. "I got angry! I loved her. We'd been talking about getting married. And she's _cheating_ on me?"

"So you snapped."

"I just wanted to make her see! She wouldn't listen to me, denied an affair when I asked about it. She _lied_. To my face." Charlie almost sobbed. "I didn't mean to kill her."

It was all Kate needed. She closed the file in front of her and stood. Her shoulders sagged the minute the interrogation room door closed. Then they straightened. She'd found her killer and she could give some closure to the parents. It wouldn't bring their little girl back, but she hoped it would bring her more comfort than the same system had been able to bring her.

Castle was sitting in his chair, staring off into space and didn't seem to register her return. It gave her enough time to pause and reorient herself before commanding his attention. "Castle?"

His eyes flew to hers immediately. She looked tired, but satisfied. "He did it?"

"Thought she was having an affair."

"Which was true."

"For all intents and purposes." She paused a split second. "You had something you wanted to talk to me about?"

"Not here."

Honestly, she was surprised. Usually, she was the one aiming for having a conversation in a more private venue. He pulled her into an interview room and closed the door.

"I hate Christmas." He said after a few moments of tense silence had passed.

Kate paced to one of the couches and sat. "I gathered."

He shook his head. "No, I _abhor_ Christmas."

"I get it, Castle," she snapped. "If that's the only reason I'm here, I have paperwork to do to finish up this case. Some of us aren't Grinches and I'd like to get the time to actually enjoy the season."

"I don't like Christmas because it's been a long time since I've had a good one."

Oh. That shut Kate up quick. She could almost hear the audible snapping of her teeth as her jaw closed.

"When I was little, Mother was always working. It was always this play, or that play, and when it wasn't a play, she was too tired to do anything my friends did. I, in no way, mean to belittle what she did or blame her, but for a long time, I didn't have a Christmas. Mother tried, sometimes. I'd get a gift wrapped in bright paper, or maybe one of those little trees, but more often than not, we were on the road, or she was auditioning or she was on stage…"

He shrugged. "My first real Christmas wasn't until college. My dorm had a party for Christmas. Secret Santa and all that. It was the first good, solid, traditional Christmas I'd ever had.

"My celebrations were on and off after that. I spent one Christmas from hell with Kyra's family, the odd one with a girlfriend or two after that, then I started getting the invitations to the biggest celebrations of the year. That was when my books were starting to sell and my name was plastered everywhere. More often than not, I ended up in a bed I didn't recognize with a massive headache come Christmas."

There was a part of her that wanted to make him stop. She wanted to tell him Alexis had mentioned what she was pretty sure came next. It was obviously so painful for him to discuss and though she had truly wanted to know, she wasn't sure that justified the fact that he couldn't look her in the eye.

"Meredith… We started celebrating when we got together. Then came Alexis and to Meredith, it was all the more reason to celebrate." He laughed. "You've met Meredith. She can be… materialistic." He tilted his head to the side. "There was one Christmas I think she was actually jealous of everything Alexis got.

"Anyway. Alexis was… three. Or four." He waved a hand impatiently. "It was Christmas time, but… Something wasn't right. I knew something was off. I didn't expect to wake up a couple of days before Christmas with a Dear John note and divorce papers. And the divorce papers were wrapped too."

Kate's face mirrored the disgust she felt. That was blasphemy! Wrapping up divorce papers as a 'Christmas present'?

"I'll never forget the look on Alexis' face when I had to tell her Mommy wouldn't be there for Christmas," he whispered, looking down at the floor. "The last thing I've ever wanted to do is break my little girl's heart. It _killed_ me. I wanted to give Alexis all the Christmases I didn't have. But all she wanted was her mom."

She had no condolences to offer. And, even though she'd heard it from Alexis yesterday, it still broke her heart all over again.

"We didn't really celebrate that year. I ended up unwrapping all of Alexis' toys and just putting them in her room." He smiled, almost wistfully. "She found one once, in her toy box and asked me about it. To this day she thinks it's 'just because'."

She wanted to reach out to him, but she didn't want to break his stride. Plus, she was in the precinct and their physical contact was still at a bare minimum.

"That repeated. Year after year Meredith would say she was coming and then she'd cancel a few days before. For five consecutive Christmases I had to break my daughter's heart and tell her that her mother wasn't coming, that she wasn't important enough for Meredith to put aside the time for her. Christmas is a busy time in Hollywood and Meredith's always been more focused on acting than on Alexis."

He said it without any negative inflection, but that didn't mean Kate thought it. Alexis was a beautiful and mature young woman and Kate couldn't imagine for the life of her why Meredith would want to throw away an amazing person.

"We've gone away ever since. We spend a couple of weeks just hanging out together, doing touristy things, things that keep us away from Christmas. It's easier for both of us if we don't celebrate." He shrugged again. "So there you have it. Why I hate Christmas."

Kate absorbed his words carefully. She looked down to the floor, aware that his gaze had turned to find hers just moments after. She could image that, how much it would hurt considering how important Alexis was in his life. And he'd probably felt like Christmas was just settling into his life before it was ripped away from him again. It made her plans with Alexis so much more important to her now. She wanted to change his mind. She wanted to help him see that Christmas was whatever he wanted it to be. He just had to believe in family and its plethora of definitions.

"Beckett?" He sounded actually concerned and a little nervous. He'd been watching for her reaction. She had yet to give him one he could decipher.

She flashed him a brief smile, trying to reassure him, then sucked in a deep breath. "Rick?" she asked, even though she knew she had his complete attention.

She heard his breath whoosh out of his lungs. "Kate."

"Don't go away for the holidays." Now she looked up, aware that this was not the type of Kate Beckett he was used to. It was taking a lot out of her to ask this simple question. But it was imperative. "Stay."

His brow wrinkled. "I can't. I just told you."

"I know," she replied immediately. "But… You've had bad Christmases." She sucked in another deep breath, steeling her nerves, hoping that even a part of him understood that this was a big thing for her to ask. "Let me show you a good one."

* * *

_Admittedly, this isn't betaed or edited. Mistakes and mishaps are all my own. I'll try and remember to read it back over tomorrow and fix mistakes. This is what happens when Kate and Castle won't cooperate and it's 10PM. And you put too much pressure on yourself to get a chapter up. _

_Technically, this is within the timeline but it feels like I'm submitting it SO LATE and I hate that. It is about 2300 words though! Tomorrow's is going to be late too. I have a day of research planned, which means intense focus, and not on writing this. Just as a warning. And unfortunately, much like this chapter, I probably won't be good at replying to reviews. That doesn't mean I don't appreciate you guys, just that my priorities have to be on my paper and not on replying to reviews. It makes me cranky. _

_Will you review anyway? If I ask nicely and say please?_


	6. Chapter 6

**December 6, 2010**

Christmas had always made Kate giddy, but this… This was almost ridiculous. She was virtually over the moon.

And all because Richard Castle had agreed to her request of showing him what a good Christmas was all about.

Montgomery had kindly requested they take a day off for no other reason than he was feeling Christmas-y. Kate was taking full advantage by hanging her lights in her apartment. It still didn't feel like home and half of the things from her living room that hadn't been destroyed smelled so much like smoke she hadn't been able to bring any of it. But the five-foot tree and the ornaments she'd had safely in storage made her feel a little warmer.

And it helped get her in the mood to plan.

Kate knew she was really only going to get one chance to show Castle her meaning of Christmas. It already meant something that he'd agreed to stay merely because she'd asked. It was also something she was steadfastly avoiding analyzing.

Instead, as she balanced precariously on a chair to reach the top of her window, she tried to plot out the perfect Christmas. She had traditions, so many, but there was a good chance that if she was to dump them all on Castle, it would be much too overwhelming. She'd have to plan to expose him to them slowly, in baby steps. And, she made a mental note, she would have to figure out if there was anything she should avoid doing at all costs.

Then she paused.

The project had a side-effect Kate hadn't been anticipating. She hadn't thought about what she would be exposing about herself by asking him to do this. She trusted Castle, but there was still a part of her that was reluctant to share any of the more personal aspects of her mom. The Christmas she enjoyed was intrinsically liked with Johanna Beckett. She would have to open her mom up to Castle again.

She stood flat-footed on the chair as the realization sank in. Johanna was a prized piece of Kate's heart, a part she _never_ shared. The boys knew, but that was because they were detectives. Even then, it was really just the case details. Lanie knew, but that was because Lanie wouldn't let it go. She was still the only person Kate allowed around on the date of Johanna's death. And, naturally, Montgomery knew. He'd been there for the late nights, the snappy behavior, the hours she spend pouring over the case.

She'd never told Will.

But Castle… Castle was different. Even as hard as she tried to ignore it, there was a part of her that realized the extent she would be going to for Richard freaking Castle.

Kate huffed to herself as she stepped down off the chair. It was _Castle's_ hatred of Christmas that was eating at her. She hadn't realized how far back the abhorrence went and just how deep the hurt was. Alexis' indirect plea for help had been good, but they'd left Kate as a kind of 'last resort bribe' if Castle refused to do some of the traditions Alexis wanted to do with her dad. Now, Kate knew, she was all in on this holiday operation.

And if that meant sharing Johanna…

Well, she'd cross that bridge when she came to it.

* * *

Castle was typing furiously.

Or, at least he had been until the enormity of what he'd agreed to slammed into his chest.

He'd promised Detective Katherine Beckett he would stay in New York and let her show him a good Christmas.

He hadn't intended to make that promise, not in his wildest dreams or imaginations. But she'd looked so sincere, just that little sparkle of hope in the corner of her eye, but he knew before she'd even asked that he'd be agreeing. He was so besotted with her and even though there was a part of him that was dreading all the Christmas he was about to be exposed to, he couldn't help the tiny thrill at the idea of spending a lot of his free time with Kate.

But was he ready to rip the scabs off old wounds?

"Hey Dad."

"Hey Sweetie," he greeted, closing the laptop. He wasn't getting anything done anyway and she'd managed to come in just before he'd started to panic.

Alexis tilted her head to the side as she came around the desk. She'd seen her father lost in thought and figured it was perfect timing for discussing a renewed celebration of Christmas. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah," he replied on reflex. Then his head swung to hers. He'd been so wrapped up in Kate's request, in the soft tone and earnest expression, he hadn't even thought about how Alexis would react to the idea. He had to think fast, especially since he'd already cancelled their reservations. He could… tell her they were going later, postponing the trip, or that he'd found a better place…

"Can I ask you something?" Alexis asked, bringing his attention back to her. "Without you getting mad?"

The question had him immediately on edge. "Of course."

She seemed to suck in a breath for courage. "I was… ."

"What?" Usually, he was good at deciphering Alexis when she spoke faster than the speed of light, but that had been mumbled on top.

The redhead pulled in another deep breath. "I want to spend Christmas in New York.

Castle eyed his daughter carefully. Nervous, definitely, but sincere. "You want to spend Christmas here?"

"Yeah," she replied, seeming to warm to the topic. "And I want to actually celebrate it. We don't have to do anything big but…" She shrugged. "I think… I think its time to celebrate."

He turned to face her. "Are you sure this is what you want? You don't want to go away?"

Alexis shifted into his lap. She gathered her thoughts. "I'm old enough to know that Christmas wasn't easy," she said. "I know that there's… well, that Mom wasn't there for most of it. But now it's you and me and I think we can have Christmas without those bad memories."

He watched her a moment, wanting to make absolutely sure he'd done the right thing. "I already cancelled the tickets."

"Oh?"

"Detective Beckett is a big Christmas elf. She asked if she could show me what a good Christmas was like." He stopped, met blue eyes so like his own. "Are you okay with sharing me with Detective Beckett?"

Oh, the things her father didn't know. "She likes Christmas?"

"She _loves_ Christmas," he answered, unable to hide the slight note of distain in his voice.

Alexis pretended to consider, even though she knew there was no contest. "Done."

"Really?" It was too easy.

"Really," Alexis replied. Then, in a quick move, she kissed his cheek and bounded out of the room.

Castle shook his head. If he didn't know better, he'd say Kate and Alexis were conspiring behind his back.

Actually…

No, he reminded himself. Kate and Alexis weren't close enough to create this kind of a conspiracy. Wasn't she?

* * *

_ Yeesh. Mistakes are mine. Completely._

_I don't want to talk about it. _

_I'm going to go pass out now. _

_I'm glad we got this chance to talk, even though it's late. _

_If you find a functioning brain lying around, I'd appreciate it if you could send it my way. It seems mine has turned to utter mush. _

_Thanks!_


	7. Chapter 7

**December 7, 2010**

Half of the time, when they didn't have a case, Kate was glad. She worked a lot – more than a lot – and she recognized it as her choice in employment, but there were still some days she was glad her only responsibility was to the Evil Gods of Paperwork. It didn't require her complete and utter attention and it didn't require actual logical thought. Cases demanded everything.

And today, she was anxious.

Antsy.

Nervous.

Alexis had called her that morning to put Phase I of their plan into action. There was a part of Kate that was glad they weren't going to be wasting time. The last thing she really wanted was to give Castle the chance to realize that even if she'd been completely sincere and maybe even a bit vulnerable in asking him to stay in New York for the holidays, he didn't want to celebrate. That would be a painful blow.

But, she also recognized that starting off with something heavy just wouldn't cut it either. They needed to do something light-hearted, something she associated with Christmas, but didn't necessarily come wrapped up in paper and bows.

"Hey Girl."

Kate looked up as her best friend wove through the desks with a grin and a bright red folder. It was almost the end of her shift which meant it was almost time to start showing Castle what she would do at Christmas.

"Lab report from the Pine case, all signed and sealed for your case file." Lanie held the file out from her.

"Thanks," Kate replied. "You didn't have to hand deliver it."

But Lanie's eyes had strayed and were resting on Castle's almost empty chair. "Did we have plans today?"

"Um, no," Kate responded, studiously not looking at Lanie or the skates that rested on the chair. She and Alexis had agreed that skating was that perfect mix of Christmas and simple winter recreation.

Lanie arched an eyebrow, well aware Kate didn't have to actually see it to know she was doing it. "Uh huh. Icy commute?"

Kate blew out a breath. "No. Not that either."

"Girl, start talking. Now."

"Alexis, Castle and I are going skating at the end of my shift," Kate rushed out. "I'm… spreading Christmas cheer."

"With Castle's daughter."

"She _likes_ Christmas," the detective shot back. "Unlike her irritating Grinch of a father."

Lanie's eyes widened. "You didn't. Kate, tell me you didn't."

"I didn't what?" Kate responded, looking up in alarm and confusion.

"Did you invite Writer Boy to spend Christmas with you?"

Kate hissed. "No! God, Lanie."

Lanie just looked at her.

"I didn't like that he doesn't like Christmas, okay? He told me about it. So… I asked him if I could change his mind."

"Change his mind," Lanie said without inflection. "And how in the hell were you planning on doing that? A skimpy Mrs Clause outfit?"

Kate shot a glare at the ME. "Don't."

"Don't what?" Lanie asked with a wicked grin. "Make an insinuation that all he would probably want for Christmas is you?"

"Or come right out and say it," Kate said on a sigh. "Look, it just seems unfair, okay? He's had Christmas ruined since he was a kid, and Alexis was in here on Sunday telling me about how she wants to celebrate Christmas with her dad and… I may have promised to help her change his mind."

"And that involves skating."

"I know it's our tradition-"

"Oh no. You are not going to weasel your way out of this because you and I have gone every year. Nuh uh." This was too good. Lanie could feel it. She'd spent too many years celebrating Christmas with Kate not to know what the holiday entailed. The pictures she was coming up with were too good to think of feeling bad Kate was bailing on her. "You are going skating."

"We'll still go," Kate said, because she knew sometimes she neglected her friends. "We'll find time."

"We always do." The ME glanced significantly at her watch. "Now isn't it the end of your shift? Go hunt down your shadow and his progeny."

Kate offered Lanie a smile and a goodbye as the ME departed, making a stop at Esposito's desk for a moment before continuing on. Kate shook her head. They thought they were being secretive, but she and Ryan knew there was more between them.

"You off, Boss?" Ryan inquired as he walked by.

"Yeah," Kate replied. "You guys are big boys, you can hold down the fort. But it's the end of shift and I have plans."

"The Beckett has plans? Who is he?"

Kate chuckled as she slid the tied skate laces over her shoulder. "You'll never know. Have a good evening, gentlemen."

She sauntered off and Ryan immediately turned to his partner. "Ten bucks says her date's with Castle. Fifty says they kiss by Christmas."

"It's a sucker's bet," Esposito replied. "You gotta get your ears cleaned man. They're doing Christmas things together."

"You have an inside source," Ryan accused, even as his eyes widened in shock. Beckett didn't share Christmas.

"Nope. Head them talking about it yesterday."

Ryan considered a moment. "Think it's too late for me to change my date in the office pool?"

* * *

They'd waited over two hours in line.

Kate didn't mind. It was part of the holiday season, part of what she loved about Christmas in New York, but Castle was a different story. He was good for the first forty-five minutes and then things had started to go down hill. She'd even thought to herself that she should have brought a backpack of toys to distract him. She and Alexis had gone as far as resorting to 'I Spy' just to occupy him.

But now they were lacing up their skates, laughing as Castle got himself tangled in the laces before his daughter stepped in to save the day.

"Too many thumbs, Castle?" Kate teased as she stood easily on the thin blades. It was definitely going to take her a few strokes to get back in the rhythm once she set foot on the ice, but it felt good to be in skates again.

He was a little wobbly on his skates and Kate quickly stepped to his side to ensure he didn't fall over. He draped an easy arm over her shoulder and as much as she was sure he _wasn't_ used to skating, she couldn't help but think some of his floundering was an over-exaggerated ploy. When Alexis was done tying her skates, she came up on Castle's other side and they made their way to the rink.

Kate had been right about those first couple of strokes and it was only made worse by the quickly obvious fact that Castle could not skate.

"What did you expect?" he told her with a cheeky smile. His eyes belayed some sort of anxiousness that made her refrain from rolling her eyes.

"Some sort of balance?" she replied, focusing on the humour and the rhythm of her skates on the ice. They moved silently with the flow for a while, until Alexis managed to spot one of her school friends and skated off. Castle floundered even more without the added support of his daughter and Kate chuckled.

She removed his arm from her shoulders – she'd left it there for his support, nothing more, nothing to do with the warmth of his arm and body, never – and pushed a half a pace ahead. Then she turned gracefully, skating backwards as she faced him. She held out her hands. "Come on, Castle. I'll teach you how to skate."

Because if she wanted him to have a good time, he couldn't be a laughing stock of the rest of the rink.

He reached out and clasped her mittened hands, wrapping his long fingers over her wrist. "Okay, Obi Wan. Teach me."

They took their time doing their laps of the rink. He fell, constantly, and Kate laughed every time, but he was smiling and the anxiousness faded as they continued their laps. Alexis passed with a wave a few times, egging her father on. After a while, Alexis skated back with them and offered Kate a smile.

"I'll skate with him," she said, wrapping her arms around her dad's. "You've been skating slow the whole time."

"I don't mind," Kate admitted with a genuine smile for the teenager. "Your dad's a pretty quick study. At least with skating."

"Then we'll be fine for a few laps," Alexis encouraged. She was glad Kate was with them, glad that this was one of Kate's annual traditions, but that didn't mean she shouldn't have the chance to really enjoy herself.

"Go on," Castle agreed. He _really _wanted to see her skate. The woman in front of him was a Kate he only got glimpses of, and he wanted to see if she could lose herself in something as simple as sliding on ice. He'd caught her looking wistfully at some of the faster skaters, but she'd had a surprising amount of patience for the number of times he'd fallen. Finally, she smiled.

"Just a few laps," she agreed.

And Castle was treated to an awesome sight.

If he was honest, the thing he liked the most about Kate was that she never ceased to surprise him. And she didn't disappoint. The easy slide of her skate blades on the torn up ice made her look classy and graceful. She wove her way carefully through the other skaters, waving as she passed, but Castle couldn't take his eyes off her. He tracked her through the crowds of skaters, watching her push off, watching her come to a quick and fast stop when a little boy suddenly dropped right in front of her.

She looked beautiful, graceful and happy.

And even Castle had to agree that this had been a good idea.

They sat side-by-side on a bench as they unlaced their skates a while later and Castle turned to her.

"Are you always like that?"

"Like what?" Kate inquired, hiding her nerves behind a mask she'd etched in stone.

"That carefree," Castle elaborated and his mouth quirked up in a little smirk when she jumped. "On the ice there. You looked…"

"It was one of the things my mom, my dad and I did every year," she interrupted. She was just sharing Christmas traditions. The flattery would chip at her heart and she was pretty sure her heart wasn't ready for Castle. "We'd come out every week. Saturday and Sunday afternoons. And we'd skate until I couldn't feel my feet. Then Mom would wrap me up and carry me home." She offered him a tentative smile. "And now that she's gone, it seems even more important to do it. I usually drag Lanie along but… you know, I actually had fun."

Castle eyed her for a moment with careful deliberation and Kate felt herself shifting under his gaze. It was as if he knew something about her actions that she didn't and it made her terribly uncomfortable. Then he offered her a smile she rarely saw, so full of genuine admiration and happiness it made her heart jump.

"So did I. Maybe this Christmas stuff won't be so bad after all."

She echoed his smile, even though a part of her wanted to respond with a sexy smirk. "And we've only just begun."

He groaned.

* * *

_Same rules as yesterday apply. Mistakes are mine. I don't want to talk about it. _

_Unless you can send me a speed-reading gremlin that can do my "portfolio" for me. Remind me to shoot the person who invented procrastination 'cause it's really cramping my style. Which is making me Grinchy. _

_Hearts to all of you that reviewed the last one and very politely told me to shove it with the worrying!_


	8. Chapter 8

**December 8, 2010**

_O holy night, the stars are brightly shining…_

Kate sang along to the Christmas CD she'd put together for this Christmas season as she slipped a cookie sheet into her oven. It was another one of her annual traditions. She was baking gingerbread. It wasn't the baking that was the tradition. Johanna was the type who'd needed to share Christmas with everyone. When Kate was old enough not to make too much of a mess, Johanna had allowed her daughter to help.

. . . . .

"_Is all of this for me?" six-year-old Kate Beckett asked her mother in awe. The kitchen table was covered in little brown cookies. She sat on one of the chairs – well, kneeled on it, really – while her mother put the last batch of cookies on a cooling rack. _

_Johanna, the hazel-eyes she'd passed to her daughter sparkling with the Christmas spirit, laughed. "Of course not, Sweetheart. You'd be climbing the walls if we gave you all of that."_

"_Nuh uh!" Kate argued indignantly. "I can't climb walls!"_

"_Well, it's not for lack of trying," Johanna replied as she came over to the table, swiping a flour-covered finger down her little girl's nose. _

"_Then why is there so much gingerbread?"_

"_Because," Johanna answered, moving to a corner and lifting a grocery bag from the floor. From within it, she pulled ribbon and two packages of cellophane bags, one decorated with snowmen, the other with candy canes. "Every year, I make gingerbread, pack them into these little bags, and give them away at work and in the neighbourhood."_

"_Like presents?" Kate asked, her eyes lighting up._

"_Exactly," Johanna agreed. _

_Kate was bouncing in her chair. "Can I help wrap them too?" She'd already 'helped' with the baking, as much as she could at six. _

"_Well there's a whole lot of cookies to pack up," Johanna replied, eyes dancing even though her tone was of serious consideration. "I'm not sure I could finish them all by myself."_

_Kate squealed like the excited six-year-old she was. "I want to help!"_

_Her mother laughed, sliding a plate of cookies towards her daughter. "Well, why don't you count out five cookies for each bag and I'll work on tying the ribbon?"_

"_Okay," the little girl agreed readily. They worked companionably for a whole, the radio playing soft Christmas carols in the background before Kate spoke. "Mommy?"_

"_Yes, Honey?"_

"_Why do you give out gingerbread?"_

"_Because my mommy did. She used to give them out to all the secretaries she worked with." She met her daughter's curious eyes. "The recipe is her mommy's."_

_But that hadn't been the answer Kate was looking for. "But _why_?"_

_This time, Johanna put down the ribbon she was curling to take her daughter's hands the way she did when she had something important and serious to discuss. "Because it's Christmas, Katie, and at Christmas it's not about what we get, but what we give." She squeezed Kate's hands. "Do you understand?"_

_Kate nodded sagely and they fell back to their assigned jobs. Then, Kate spoke again, "Mommy? Is there enough for me to take to my friends?"_

_The smile that graced Johanna's face was utterly radiant. "Not in this batch but how about we make more tomorrow?"_

. . . . .

That year, and every year up to her mother's murder, Kate and Johanna put aside a weekend where they baked and wrapped gingerbread for the important people in their lives. After her death… well, it was a few years before Kate picked up the habit again.

But now, she knew the recipe by heart and used the same metal cookie-cutter frames her mother used. Her list was always substantially shorter than her mother's ever was and she always had leftovers she ate for weeks, but the sparkle of excitement and surprise in Ryan and Esposito's eyes the first year she'd left the little bags on their desks had been worth it.

The knock startled her out of her thoughts. She headed for the door, feet padding softly on the hardwood floors. Her brow wrinkled in confusion when she identified Castle through the peephole.

"What are you doing here?" she asked, sticking a finger in her mouth when she noticed a piece of dough clinging to the appendage.

His eyes followed the movement, then snapped quickly back to her eyes. "Alexis," he answered, then shook his head like he was clearing cobwebs. "She-"

The electric high-pitched beeping of the oven timer interrupted him. "Come in and close the door," she requested heading back into the kitchen. She could almost picture the writer scurrying to follow her.

"Are you baking?" he inquired upon entering the kitchen.

"Don't sound so surprised," she shot back as she slid an oven mitt over her hand and pulled open the oven door. "And don't you dare eat that cookie you're eyeing."

"God, you're scary when you do that."

Kate rolled her eyes as she removed the cookie sheet and removed the oven mitt, wiping her hand on the dishtowel. "Castle, why are you here?"

"Alexis asked me to give this to you," he replied. He slid a forest green envelope her way. "It's the invitation for her Christmas concert."

"Concert?" Kate inquired as she slid a finger under the seal.

"Yeah," Castle responded. "She plays the violin. Really well."

The invitation was elegant on a cream card with a picture of a sprig of holly in the bottom right corner. Kate felt a smile blossom across her face.

"She'd really like it if you came," Castle said, his voice uncharacteristically soft. "It's a casual dress code, so nothing fancy."

He'd had her at Alexis. Kate hadn't spent a lot of time with the teenager but considering Alexis' checkered past with Meredith and the season itself, Kate wasn't about to say 'no'.

"Sure," she smiled. "I'd love to go."

"She'll be so excited," he said and Kate was surprised when he straightened from where he was leaning on the island and headed for the door.

"That's it?"

Castle raised an eyebrow. "Was there supposed to be something else?"

"Your loft is across town," she pointed out.

"Maybe I just wanted to see your apartment," he smirked.

Kate groaned to herself. "Go away Castle," she said, though there was no venom in the words. "Go make your daughter's night."

He grinned. "Until tomorrow, Detective."

She shook her head almost affectionately as she turned back to her cookies. Then, "Castle, wait," she blurted. She picked up three of the little packages and carried them to him. "For you, Alexis and Martha."

"Another tradition?" he asked as he accepted the offering.

"Yeah. Season for giving."

He fiddled with the ribbon on one of the bags absently, his face unreadable. "Alexis likes to bake."

"Tell her we'll make a day of it," she replied. Then, she swallowed. "If she likes the gingerbread, I'll teach her the recipe."

He eyed her as if realizing that that kind of offer went deeper than just spending a day baking with his daughter and sharing a recipe. "Christmas is really important to you, isn't it? All of those traditions really _mean_ something." He shook his head in awe. "Why?"

"Because," she replied carefully. She wasn't sure it was quite time to share this Johanna with him yet. "Tradition was always big in my family."

There was a pause where he inspected her face. Then he smiled, a soft smile she rarely saw unless she was in crisis mode. "Until tomorrow, Kate."

It wasn't until the door closed with a soft click that the smile erupted across her face. It was stupid to be so excited about, really, but… this time of year, it just meant more.

Because he'd called her Kate.

* * *

_I'm actually satisfied with this one. Which kind of feels odd considering how much I've really disliked the last couple. _

_As usual, mistakes are mine. Someday, I will be ahead enough that I'll be able to be more careful about reading it over. _

_OH! And I think I've figured out where I can put this in the timeline. Since season 1 was only half a season (in theory), I'm pretty sure I can sneak this story in just after Sucker Punch and it'll fit into canon just fine. I think that would even put the show in December in Castle-land and it would be their first Christmas as partners. Now I just have to remember I made this decision and don't allude to things that happened after. I almost made one to the double-header episode in this chapter AND to the more current things with Alexis and I had to catch myself!_

_And you guys are the greatest reviewers ever. Seriously. Despite the number of you who were/are still a little off with the role-reversal, the reviews are blowing my brain. Well, the very little that's left of it. Thank you! _

_Hope you enjoyed this one too!_


	9. Chapter 9

**December 9, 2010**

"So, Beckett, what's today's tradition?"

It was mid-afternoon at the precinct and Castle had come in with a really sweet thank you card from his mother and Alexis that had made Kate smile. And then he'd stayed and done that creepy staring thing.

"For you?" she asked, not looking up. "Nothing."

Just because she didn't look up, didn't mean she missed the way his entire body seemed to sag in relief. She smiled to herself. She'd been right to decide to pace out his exposure to all things Christmas. The last thing she wanted to do was overwhelm him with tradition after tradition and there were some, like the gingerbread cookies, she'd done by herself since her mother's death. She had almost a tradition a day, but she knew Castle would be no where near prepared for that kind of pace. She wanted to be a part of a good Christmas, not stress him out.

"But for you?" he inquired.

Kate offered him a shrug. "Lanie and I are having a Christmas movie marathon."

"Is it a sleepover?"

She shook her head in amused exasperation before grabbing her empty coffee mug and heading for the breakroom.

"What?" Castle asked, moving to follow.

"I'm not dignifying that with an answer, Castle," she retorted as she poured from the carafe. She took a sip and wrinkled her nose in disgust. Castle moved automatically to the high-end cappuccino maker and Kate almost slammed her teeth into her lip to hide her smile.

"Oh, come on Beckett."

Kate bit her lip harder. "What? So you can interrogate me about pillow fights and whether or not we both wear skimpy pajamas?" She shook her head. "Not happening."

Castle handed her the steaming mug he'd finished preparing and set about making a second one. She expected him to continue to interrogate her, to keep pushing and got a little worried when he didn't. She waited patiently, well aware of how effective it was in the interrogation room. Well, that, and she knew he couldn't stand silence.

"Is it an adult girls only party?"

The question took her off guard and she wrinkled her brow in confusion. "I'm sorry?"

"Is it adults only?" he repeated.

"Is this a twisted way of asking me if I wear a bra and panties to bed?"

His head snapped up. "Do you?"

"If I do, it's my secret," she shot back. She was more of a flannel pants and tank top kind of girl, really. And her reluctance to reveal that had nothing to do with the thrill of pleasure she got at him letting is imagination run wild.

"You are _cruel_, Detective." Then his face fell and he released a sigh. "I was talking about Alexis."

"Alexis?" she asked in confusion. He shot her an annoyed look and she felt her teeth slam together from snapping her jaw closed. He was serious. Of course, he usually was when it involved his daughter. It was the one insecurity he showed her on a regular basis.

Castle sighed. "She's really thrown herself into this Christmas thing. She's been bugging me about parties and trees and decorations for two days…"

Kate caught on quickly to what he was trying to tell her. From the little Kate really knew about Alexis, she wasn't surprised the teen was throwing herself into Christmas. But it was doing exactly what Kate had been hoping to avoid, if the look on Castle's face was anything to go by. She offered him a real smile.

"Lanie and I watch some of the classics," she said, "Totally teenager friendly." She paused for a minute before offering what she knew he was trying to ask. "She's welcome to come. And stay if she falls asleep."

"I couldn't ask-"

She smirked before interrupting. "Uh huh. You were 'not asking' very loudly." Her smirk softened to a true smile. "And I'm offering. Christmas isn't supposed to be especially stressful. I'll call Alexis and invite her. You can wallow in your… Scrooge-ness for a night.

"And imagine you in skimpy pajamas."

Kate rolled her eyes as she headed back to her desk. "Castle, your _daughter_ will be there."

He winced.

* * *

There were no skimpy pajamas, just Christmas lights, cookies and hot chocolate. Kate had cleared Alexis' presence with Lanie and the teenager was the one they were waiting for to start the movie. Lanie had sprawled herself over the couch while Kate put the finishing touches on a plate of cookies in the kitchen.

"Girl, are you fussing?"

Kate's head shot up. She was and she knew it. It was the third time she was rearranging the cookies on the plate in front of her. "Of course not."

"Uh huh." Lanie's voice was skeptical. "Is this about sharing the Christmas spirit?"

"Indirectly," Kate responded on a sigh. She really needed to stop trying to keep things from Lanie. The ME was surprisingly perceptive for a woman that worked with corpses all day.

"Gibe me some credit, Kate," Lanie replied, a note of disapproval in her voice. "Nothing about spreading this Christmas thing is indirect and we both know it."

"Seriously, Lanie?" Kate knew exactly what her best friend was getting at, and she wasn't sure she wanted to have another circular conversation about her not-relationship with Castle.

"What?" the other woman protested innocently.

"I _want _to share Christmas, okay? It's that simple."

Lanie moved from the couch to the kitchen, leaning over the island. "Nothing between you and writer boy has ever been simple."

"I know what I'm doing," the detective argued. "I'm just… Alexis wanted to celebrate Christmas. She came to me first. I just… got Castle on board."

"What are you going to do when he asks you about why you like Christmas so much?" Lanie asked. "Because he's definitely going to ask."

"You don't know that," Kate shot back. She hadn't decided what to tell Castle if he ever really asked her about her love of Christmas.

"Oh, I do." The ME rolled her eyes. "Are you in some sort of crazy denial? There's no way he can resist. Never, in all the years I've known you, have I seen a man so fixated on knowing everything about you." She held up a hand when Kate opened her mouth to protest. "Don't even bother. God, Kate, if all of this was for research do you really think he would have stood by you when we found Coonan?"

"It's background for Nikki Heat," Kate argued.

Lanie actually growled. "Look, I just want you going into this with eyes wide open, okay? You're going to realize that this is more than just spreading Christmas cheer because this _matters_ to you. This is the one thing that you actually believe in, whole-heartedly, and it bugs you that Castle, the man who celebrates the first leaf falling in Central Park, doesn't believe like you do." She sighed and calmed. "I think this is a great thing you're doing, Kate. I really do. I just want you to think about the _real_ reason you're doing this, the real reason you _care_ about Castle hating Christmas."

The knock on the door exasperated Kate and made Lanie grin in amusement at the perfect timing. Lanie answered it and offered a nervous Alexis a hug. Kate blew out a breath, then pushed Lanie's words out of her head and took the cookies to the living room.

"Alexis! You made it!"

* * *

Alexis made it through two and a half movies before she fell asleep on Kate's shoulder. Originally, Kate had almost jumped when Alexis' head dropped to her shoulder, but then… Well, Kate hadn't been able to find it in herself to move the teenager. In fact, as Alexis' eyelids fluttered, Kate started combing her fingers through her hair. It was something her mother had done when she was falling asleep to ease the process.

Lanie's words came back to her. She did care. She cared a lot. It did disturb her that Castle didn't believe in the Christmas spirit and if she was really introspective and honest with herself, it always made her feel closer to her mother when she shared bits of Christmas.

She looked down at Alexis. It had nothing to do with Castle. He just so happened to present the perfect opportunity to show someone else how good Christmas could be. It had nothing to do with the fun she'd had a Rockefeller Center a couple of days before, and nothing to do with how excited she was about going with Castle to Alexis' concert. It had nothing to do with how much she wanted to keep Castle around and how disheartening it had been when she'd discovered the one holiday she absolutely adored, he hated.

It had nothing to do with wanting to celebrate Christmas with him.

It couldn't.

It was too dangerous.

And yet, there was a little part of Kate, the same part that had asked him to give her the chance to show him a good Christmas, the same part that told him she liked it when he tugged on her pig tails, hoped that they would be celebrating Christmas together. And soon.

* * *

_So today is one of those two-a-day-ers. I really didn't have the motivation or the inspiration to write this last night and I didn't want to force myself to do it just because you guys deserved a chapter for the 9th. _

_On the bonus side, it did give me a good reason to take a day off from working on my stuff to do this. So the next chapter should be up within the next 8 hours and I'm back to being caught up! Bonus to those of you who get to read both in succession!_


	10. Chapter 10

**December 10, 2010**

Kate hadn't been able to bring herself to wake Alexis up and send her home the previous night, so, she'd simply slipped out from beneath the teenager and tucked her in before seeing Lanie out and going to bed herself. Since Kate was an early riser for work anyway and Alexis had come bearing an overnight bag at her father's request, Kate hadn't had a problem with it and woke Alexis when she was done in the bathroom.

"Morning," Kate greeted with a soft smile as Alexis' eyes fluttered open.

The redhead smiled as she stretched on the couch. "Good morning, Detective."

"Alexis, you fell asleep on my shoulder last night. I think you can call me Kate."

The teenager giggled, quite obviously not quite awake yet. "Dad's going to be jealous." She completely missed the sock that flitted across Kate's face.

"So, um, I could take you home if you want," Kate said with an uncharacteristic hesitance. "Or you can shower here?"

"Um… Well, my stuff's here, so… why don't I get ready here and then I'll treat for breakfast?"

Kate chuckled, glad the whole situation wasn't as awkward as she'd felt when she'd first made the offer of a shower. "Isn't that supposed to be my line?"

"Yeah, but it'll look funny if you're the one spending Dad's money," the teen quipped back with an air of logic Kate couldn't argue with. Then, she bounced off the couch with energy that definitely hadn't been there a second ago. She turned back to Kate with her bag in her hand. "Shower?"

The detective pointed towards her bedroom. "Did you want coffee?" she called, just before the door closed.

Alexis chewed her lip as she poked her head back out. "Do you have tea?"

Kate smiled back. "I do. Milk and sugar?" She was ignoring how domestic this felt and how good it felt.

"Both," the teenager answered. Then she paused before saying, "Thanks, Kate." Then she disappeared for her shower.

. . . . .

Twenty minutes later, and forgoing the tea and coffee when she remembered they were going out anyway, Kate sat across from Alexis as she spun the cardboard cup of peppermint hot chocolate in her hands. The Starbucks they'd chosen wasn't far from Alexis' school and though it was out of Kate's way, she would have felt bad if she'd sent Alexis to school without breakfast. Johanna had always said breakfast was the most important meal of the day and though Kate often ignored that rule, she wasn't about to do the same for Alexis.

The fiddling, however, meant something was up. She'd been doing it since she climbed out of the shower and met Kate in the living room. She picked at the scone she ordered so Alexis wouldn't be eating by herself as she considered the teenager. "What's wrong, Alexis?"

Alexis shook her head. "It's nothing."

Kate mirrored the headshake. Why did people always say that when all the clues pointed to the exact opposite? "Sweetie," she said, reaching out and taking one of Alexis' hands, the endearment slipping out without Kate really realizing it. "You're fidgeting with your cup and you won't look at me. Both are classic avoidance cues. What's going on?"

Alexis sighed, but almost clung to Kate's hand. "My concert's tomorrow."

"I know. I told they boys they'd have to float on their own for a while."

That got a tiny smile before the frown came back. "It's just… Is it weird if I wish my mom was coming?"

"Of course not," Kate reassured immediately.

When it came down to it, Kate could sympathize with Alexis and with the depression that came with being a daughter sans mother. But, Kate had to admit, part of the reason she'd been so willing to attach herself to Alexis' cause was because Alexis had never lost her mother in the same way. Heck, the poor girl didn't even really get time with her mother and from what Kate understood, really didn't have another stable maternal influence in her life. While Kate could sympathize with the feelings of abandonment Alexis probably periodically experienced – and it had taken Kate _a long time_ to deal with those – Kate had at least gotten quality time with her mother. If anything, Alexis' pout about her mother's absence made Kate more determined not only to be there tomorrow, but to make sure Alexis had a good Christmas too.

"I mean…" Alexis continued, bringing Kate's attention back to the conversation. "She's never been to one. Not once. And yet, every year, it's like I keep hoping she's going to call. But she never does. I send her an e-mail and she always says she has something. This year it was a party with some top director or something."

Originally, Kate had kind of felt bad for Meredith and everything she'd been missing with Alexis, even though she'd always thought of the woman as kind of evil. Now, however, there wasn't even a shred of sympathy left for the woman who deliberately abandoned her daughter year after year. It wasn't a concept of motherhood Kate was familiar with. Johanna hadn't missed a recital, concert, competition or even parent-teacher interview. Sometimes she worked late, but if it was important to Kate, Johanna made sure she was there.

"Your dad will be there," she reminded the redhead softly, squeezing her hand. "And I'll be there, if it helps."

"It does," Alexis admitted and the two words spoke a thousand as to how much Alexis liked, trusted and looked up to Kate.

The detective felt a little humbled and chewed her lip for a minute. Then her eyes lit up. "How about this," she suggested, leaning forward. "Did your dad tell you about the baking day?"

Alexis' eyes lightened slightly. "He mentioned something about it when you sent us the cookies."

"Well, I have to go into the precinct tomorrow, but I'm off on Sunday. Why don't we spend the afternoon baking cookies?"

"Really?" Alexis' face was beaming now. "You'd really do that?"

"Of course I would! I told your dad I would didn't I?" For one thing, Kate felt different about sharing Johanna with Alexis than she felt about sharing her mother with Castle. And she felt like maybe it was time for Johanna to help someone else remember the joys of the holiday season. "Plus, baking's not as much fun when you do it by yourself."

"Okay," Alexis agreed, looking much happier than she had a moment before. "Thanks, Kate."

"Anytime, Alexis," Kate replied with a squeeze of the hands that drove the sincerity of the comment home. She caught sight of her watch as she pulled her hand back. "Come on. There's just enough time for me to drop you off at school before I head in."

"It's not far," Alexis began to argue.

Much like her father, a simple look closed her mouth. Fast. "This way I can tell your dad I took care of you."

Alexis rolled her eyes, but followed Kate. "He's overprotective."

"Maybe," Kate agreed, though she could understand, with the things Castle saw while shadowing her, why he would be that way. "But let's humour him anyway."

* * *

_Really, this is a filler chapter, but it needed to happen because I really wanted to make sure I established the relationship with Alexis before the next bombshell. Because tomorrow's chapter is going to have a heck of one and I'm so incredibly excited for it. Though it does mean this feels OOC to me, to a certain extent, especially on Kate's side of the equation.  
_

_And now I'm caught up! And before midnight on top of that so for the first time in like three days I'm actually "on time" with this submission!_

_Tomorrow is an entire day devoted to writing a paper though, so I'm not sure if I'm going to make the self-imposed deadline for that. And the chapters will get longer. Right now, a lot of this is just setting the scene for what's to come.  
_

_Reviews are love. The same way I wish I could show you how much I appreciate them by replying to every single one, but I can't 'cause I was stupid. Kids, procrastination is not good for internal stress levels or back muscles. Don't get into the habit. That's my PSA for the day. _

_Actually, if-slash-while I have your attention... I do this every year, partially because I ALWAYS end up re-working the story, partially because I'm just plain curious. If you celebrate Christmas, or some kind of similar holiday (IE: Epiphany) what's you're favourite part or tradition? I always try and work a couple into the story, for those of you who are reading this "challenge" for the first time, so I genuinely want to know. For example, I'm VERY attached to How the Grinch Stole Christmas on Christmas Eve, followed by open presents with my little sister Christmas morning. I'm also incredibly attached to my prime rib dinner on the 26th, which is still me celebrating Christmas. _

_What about you guys?  
_


	11. Chapter 11

**December 11, 2010**

Rick actually couldn't stop the grin from stretching across his face as he settled in beside Kate. It wasn't a date, and as a dating veteran, he definitely knew the difference, but that didn't mean he wasn't excited about attending his daughter's concert with her. And though she'd been oblivious, he'd been amused by the glares he'd seen sent her way as they headed for their seats. He hadn't been joking with Ryan and Esposito when he mentioned Alexis' school was a feeding ground at the end of the day.

"You're vibrating," Kate murmured. She was nervous. He could tell. He knew her tells."

"I'm excited. Alexis is _awesome_."

Then he watched her entire face soften into that expression she shot his way when he was in full father-mode. "You're biased."

"Of course I am, but I'm still right."

Then the lights dimmed and Rick was treated to a sight that was second only to his newborn daughter. Kate absolutely lost herself in the music. Usually, he couldn't sit still during these things, but watching Kate made him forget how long he'd been sitting and he found himself appreciating the music through her appreciation of it. He leaned over just before intermission, mouth close to her ear.

"Alexis is next."

She turned her head slightly and he couldn't stop thinking that another inch… "What is she playing?"

"O Christmas Tree," he replied and felt confusion slip through him as her entire body stiffened, then started to tremble. "She's been perfecting it for months."

Then Alexis took to the stage and Rick's attention shifted in full fatherly pride. But he still noticed Kate's continued tension and increased trembling as the song wore on. She made it through a verse and a half. Then, without a word, she stood and left. Rick was torn. There was no way he could go after Kate, not while Alexis was still on stage. His little girl would look for him when she took her bow. But Kate…

Still, he smiled and clapped when Alexis finished. His heart broke just a little when Alexis' face fell at the empty seat beside him. This was _definitely_ not how the evening was supposed to be going.

The minute the curtain closed on his daughter, he was out of his seat. It took all of his restraint not to push through the doors and slam them open.

"Sir?" one of the young men designated by his name tag as an 'usher' questioned. "Are you looking for a lady who came out crying a minute ago?"

_Crying?_

"Yes," he answered, hoping he didn't sound as anxious as he felt.

"She went out there," the young man pointed.

Rick raced down the stairs and through the front doors of the school, spotting Kate, coat-less, leaning against the wall close by. She wiped frantically at her eyes as he started towards her but he grasped her wrists when he was close enough.

"Kate," he breathed, a question, a reproach and an expression of sympathy all in one. Then, he pulled her freezing and shivering body tight against his chest as she resisted the tears. "I've already seen you cry," he whispered. "It's okay."

She didn't sob, just continued to shake against him. One hand clutched the sleeve of his shirt while one of his hands rubbed up and down her back. Eventually, she pulled away.

"I'm sorry," she murmured, wiping at her eyes. "Does Alexis know I left?"

"I'm afraid so." He wasn't going to ask. He probably didn't have to. But it was _hard_.

"Damnit," Kate swore, leaning back against the brick of the school. "Damn it!"

So he made an executive decision.

"Why don't we go get our ice cream early? Alexis is done so we don't have to stay." Really, it wasn't a request and he dug into his pockets for their coat tags. "I'll get Alexis."

Not a word was spoken on the ride to Serendipity and Rick actually reached over to stop Kate from shredding the Kleenex in her hand. They were silent until they were seated. Then Kate leaned over.

"I'm _so_ sorry, Alexis."

Rick's heart almost broke at the obvious distress on both women's faces. Alexis was mature, but she was still just a teenager and, Rick knew, a teenager with abandonment issues. He tried to be both parents, but he wasn't perfect and he knew Kate's disappearance had hurt hid little girl.

"What happened?" Alexis asked, and he was surprised there was no bite in her tone. Just hurt. He wasn't sure which was worse.

For her part, Kate had paused, looking down at the menu, but Rick knew, not seeing it. "Has your dad told you anything about my mom?" she finally asked softly.

Rick felt like he'd been bashed over the head with a brick. He should have known. Of course he should have known. Kate was strong, independent, and the only thing that set her off into tears was Johanna.

Alexis shook her head.

"My mom was… killed when I was in college," Kate began quietly.

Alexis gasped, but didn't say more. Rick couldn't stop himself from reaching out and grasping the sleeve of her coat in two fingers.

"Christmas was always our thing. We did every single tradition we could think of. The gingerbread recipe? It's passed down from her." Kate fidgeted, bumping her arm into Rick's fingers and leaving it there. "She's the one that taught me about giving at Christmas. She's the one I always decorated the tree with, went caroling with, went skating with. All of these things I'm sharing with you, she shared with me."

Even Rick was floored. Kate didn't share Johanna. She was too treasured of a memory for her to just expose to the world. He wanted to do something other than just sit there, but this was Kate and he knew that even if she needed the comfort, they weren't in a place she'd feel anywhere near comfortable receiving it.

"I was there for the first verse," Kate went on, eyes fixed on Alexis. Rick didn't matter. Explaining to his daughter did. "And it was beautiful." She offered Alexis a sad smile. "My mom used to sing that song when we decorated the tree every year. I just… It's the one thing I still can't bring myself to do. I still can't listen to that song at Christmas."

"Oh Kate," Alexis breathed and all but threw herself into the detective's lap.

Rick watched as the two of them just sat there, aware that they were both probably crying, but knowing this wasn't his moment. His head was spinning too much anyway. Johanna Beckett haunted her daughter, but apparently, also brought the older woman comfort. He was absolutely touched that she'd shared that with them and he could see why Christmas was so important. It wasn't important to Kate so much as it was important to Johanna's memory.

"So," Kate said as she and Alexis pulled away, "It had nothing to do with you and I am so very sorry for leaving like that."

"No, no, no, I'm sorry. I should have…" Then the teen met Kate's arched eyebrow and barked out a laugh. "I don't know what I should have done." She settled back into her seat. "Maybe I could play you something else tomorrow?"

"I'd like that," Kate agreed.

Rick knew he was smiling like a maniac, but he didn't care. Kate had just given them another piece of herself, a big piece, a piece he knew he had to protect with everything. Because Johanna meant the world to Kate. But he could feel his Grinchy feelings on Christmas shifting slightly too. Christmas _meant_ something to Kate and since it was all about Johanna, Rick had no doubts that whatever Kate was going to give them both, it would be more than Meredith had ever provided.

Even with the little mishap, Rick couldn't help but feel like maybe his tiny Christmas heart had grown one size bigger.

* * *

_I REALLY like this chapter. Which was unexpected. _

_Kay, tomorrow's might be a trick. I have a paper I really have to finish because it's due the 13th, my house Christmas, potentially a singing Christmas tree thing depending on said paper and Christmas shopping to do for the housemates, so I may not be able to get tomorrow's chapter up tomorrow at all. That does mean 2 chapters on Monday when my portfolio from hell should be handed in and I can justify taking the day off to get caught up. _

_Actually, it kind of works perfectly since I'm super excited for the handful of chapters that are about to come. I'm hoping they'll be a lot more cooperative in writing now that I've gotten over the lumps of explaining why Castle hates Christmas and why Kate loves it. _

_Thankies to all of you reviewers! It's always a pleasure and some of you have some pretty awesome traditions! I'm hoping I'll find a way to work at least one of them in that's not like what I do. But thank you for all of the feedback! _


	12. Chapter 12

**December 12, 2010**

Rick knew a lot about Kate.

He knew she was smart. He knew she was sophisticated. He knew she could recite the alphabet backwards – and he'd had to be absolutely silent for three hours during the _best case ever_ as a result of learning that tidbit – and he knew her favourite coffee. He knew she preferred a night in with a book and wine, but because Lanie liked to go out, she'd dress up and would never consider letting Lanie go on her own.

But it went deeper.

He knew she had a passion for languages. He'd heard her Russian accent but he'd also heard her murmur to herself in what he thought was German. It made him wonder about other languages, especially when she got angry enough to start swearing in them. He knew she'd had a cat named Wilbur as a child and she'd loved him dearly, even though she'd begged her parents for a dog. And he was almost positive she could be literally diagnosed with OCD.

He knew that she did her job because she'd been a victim in her own way. He knew that being a homicide detective defined who she was and he was pretty sure she'd feel naked without the badge and gun. He knew she was the bravest person in his life with a gun in her hand but when it came to her personal life, she was a scared little girl sick of people walking away. And when it came to Johanna Beckett, Katherine Beckett was Fort Knox.

The previous night he'd been given another precious glance into the phenomenal woman that had raised his detective. With that brief glimpse, another piece of the Kate puzzle had fallen into place too. Yet there was a huge part of him that was utterly shocked she'd said anything at all. But it changed things. Hell, it changed _everything_. Now, everywhere he saw Christmas, he didn't think solely of his sobbing little girl, but of a happy, carefree Kate. Now, he wasn't so bitter about the carols floating softly from the kitchen where Alexis was setting out various cookie-making ingredients. Now, he understood that Christmas had a real meaning to Kate, not just the individual traditions, but the holiday as a whole.

Most importantly, the glimpse into Johanna showed him that Kate's drive to give them a good Christmas wasn't about the fact that they hated it, but that to her it was a cherished memory.

"I thought I smelled burning."

His face transformed immediately, into a wide grin as he looked up at the casually dressed detective. "Good afternoon."

"Nikki giving you trouble again?" Kate asked as she leaned against the doorframe to his office.

"Just distracted," he replied with a gentle smile.

She hummed in acknowledgement, then looked down at her hands. "I wanted to say thank you."

"For what?" There was honest confusion in his voice. He couldn't, for the life of him, think of anything she had to thank him for.

"For yesterday. Last night, really."

"Kate." He waited until she looked up and swore he saw her shiver when their eyes locked. "Thank _you. _For sharing."

Neither of them said any more.

Then again, neither of them needed to.

. . . . .

It wasn't until Kate and Alexis started on the sugar cookies – which came after the chocolate chip and the peanut butter – that Alexis even mentioned Johanna or the night before.

"Which were her favourite?"

It took Kate a minute to realize what Alexis was asking, and then another minute for the shock that came with not being prepared to talk about her mother, to subside.

"Gingerbread," she finally answered after a moment. "There was always gingerbread in the house. Even when I moved out for college, when I called to say I was coming home, my mom always made a batch of gingerbread cookies."

They worked in silence for a while before either one of them spoke.

"Do you miss her?" Alexis asked tentatively.

Kate stopped, very deliberately setting aside the dough she'd been kneading. The pain never went away but talking about it without preparing herself made the pain more acute.

"I'm sorry," Alexis said, obviously flustered by Kate's reaction. "I'm really sorry I… I shouldn't have even brought it up."

Well, it really didn't matter now. She tried to suck in a deep breath around the lump in her throat and swallow her heart back to it's home. Neither effort proved fruitful. She couldn't meet Alexis' eyes and stared down at the floor, her hands clenched at her sides as she tried not to cry. "Every day," she admitted finally, quietly. "Every damned day." She felt her nails dig into her palms and her control slip. "Excuse me."

She'd been to the Castle loft before so she left a stunned Alexis in the kitchen and headed for the tiny bathroom on the first floor. She closed the door with a soft cluck before leaning her head against the wood. Johanna had been gone a decade but the pain of losing her was still as fresh as if it had happen yesterday. When it came to her Christmas traditions, Kate could let herself get wrapped up in the memory and stomp down on the pain. It was harder with Alexis, a teenager who had basically grown up without a maternal influence, but sharing Christmas was worth it.

But talking about Johanna with Alexis brought all of the memories back, full force. The good and the bad.

"Kate?"

She sprung violently away from the door and almost tripped over her own feet. "I'm-" She cleared her throat. "I'm fine." Did Rick really have to be the one to come and check on her?

"Can you come out then?"

She sighed and checked her face. Her mascara had smudge and her cheeks were still blotchy but she knew he wasn't going to just let her go. "I'll be out in a minute."

She didn't take much longer than that. When she opened the door, he was lounging against the opposite wall. Or, at least, it looked like he was lounging, but she could see the tense set of his body. Kate met Rick's gaze warily.

Neither of them said anything as he peered at her, looking through her. She hated it when he did that.

"I'm sorry," he said finally.

She waved him off.

He caught her hand. "I mean it. Alexis shouldn't have pushed."

She sighed. "It doesn't matter."

"It _does_."

She paused, then closed her eyes. She needed a change of subject. Pronto. And it came swirling down the hall in a squealing, redheaded bundle.

"Dad, she's coming!"

Kate felt her heart sink further as Rick sent her his over wary look over Alexis' head. "Who's coming?"

"Mom!"

Kate's heart hit her toes. She counted to five as Alexis babbled on then, took careful measured steps back to the kitchen. She could still hear Alexis' excited ramblings as Kate methodically moved dishes to the sink. It was a few minutes before Alexis bounded through the kitchen and up the stairs. Rick came to stand beside her as she started in on the dishes. He took them from her as she rinsed them and picked up a towel to dry. They worked in a tense silence for a while.

"Kate-" he started when most of the dishes were done.

"It's okay," she told him, forcing a smile. "Now Alexis can have her family Christmas."

"What about traditions?" he asked, and she wondered if she was really hearing the panic in his voice.

"You can get back to the ones you guys did before she left." Kate shrugged, entirely too casually. It wouldn't be that easy, she knew that, but she was already feeling nauseous and her stomach was thinking about joining her heart at her feet. "Besides, you didn't want to do Christmas my way in the first place."

"What if I want to now?" he asked, taking the last plate and setting it aside.

"You're entirely too stubborn for me to believe all of those bad Christmases can just be erased with skating and gingerbread. It's okay, Castle. Lanie likes my traditions and her family goes to Florida for the holidays. She was a little disappointed I wasn't sharing with her this year." The last part was a lie, but he didn't need to know that. She took the towel from him then glanced at the sugar cookie dough as she dried her hands.

"Kate-" he tried again,

"Tell Alexis they take six to eight minutes at four-hundred degrees," she interrupted again, heading for the door and picking up her coat on the way. She slid her feet quickly into her boots feeling the panic starting to well in her and the tears were punching at the back of her eyes.

"She'll be down in a minute," Rick argued.

Kate shook her head. "It's _fine_." It wasn't, but there was a part of Kate that knew she could give anything to be able to have Christmas with her mom again. Anything. She couldn't begrudge Alexis that chance. So she bundled up against the December chill and exited the Castle loft.

She'd just boarded the elevator when Rick called out for her. She slammed her hand against the closing doors, and they slid open again.

"What's tomorrow's tradition?" he asked from the end of the hall.

"What?" she replied.

"Tomorrow's tradition for Christmas," he called back. "What is it?"

Kate removed her hand and released the doors. "Nothing," she answered Rick. "Tomorrow's Johanna's day.

The elevator doors slid closed.

* * *

_So, I'm so sorry this took so long, but as I'm sure you can tell, this was one of those chapters I had to make sure I did justice to. _

_Now it's bedtime, Hopefully I can turn tomorrow into a 2-a-day post!_


	13. Chapter 13

**December 13, 2010**

When Kate woke the next morning, it was to a grey and dreary day. She sighed and a thought about karma being a bitch floated through her head before she threw off the covers. Of course, the day she always visited her mother's grave during the holidays had to reflect her emotions.

That never stopped her thought. Her mother's memory was important, regardless of how dark the day felt. She'd gone once in what could have been classified as a snow storm.

She showered quickly and efficiently, the same way she always did when she went to work. It was her system, and today, of all days, it was all the more important to follow it. Breakfast was yogurt and a granola bar while she downed a cup of coffee over the morning headlines. Then she headed into the precinct.

The boys simply exchanged nods with her when she entered the bullpen and settled into her desk. All typical. Nothing to acknowledge that the day was any different than any other day. Because until noon, everything was the same. So they fell into the rhythm of paperwork and though the boys continued their daily antics, Kate's head stayed bowed over her pages.

Rick came in just as Kate was finishing her last report. He set a coffee and a Ziploc bag at her elbow. When Kate looked over at them in surprise, he just offered a shrug and a smile.

"Are these an apology?" she asked, voice soft, but neutral.

"Or a bribe," he answered. "Or both, if you'd prefer."

Her fingers toyed with the edge of the plastic. "What are you apologizing for?"

There was a pause, but she refused to look up. "A bribe then," he said finally, voice light.

"What are you bribing me for?" she inquired, her eyes finally rising to his.

Rick could see the sadness in her eyes and he couldn't help but think Meredith's call yesterday was as much a contributing factor as Alexis' questions about Johanna. Personally, he didn't believe his ex-wife for a second. He couldn't fault Alexis for being excited, but even with Meredith's assurances that she'd already booked her ticket, Rick didn't believe that she'd be getting on that jet. And the only thing he could think of was this year, when Meredith broke his little girl's heart again, he wanted Kate there to help him pick up the pieces. He had no doubt she could help.

But that had everything to do with the apology the cookies represented and she obviously didn't want to touch on. He was okay with staying away from yesterday's tears, but it had nothing to do with the bribe.

He offered her a small smile. "To let me in on what Johanna's Day is."

Ryan and Esposito's heads snapped up as Kate stiffened. _No one_ talked about the day. Not since they'd figured out. And as smart detectives, it hadn't taken them long.

Kate's hand withdrew from the cookies as if she'd been burned. She forced herself to swallow and act calm. "Accepting bribes is unethical. I thought you were above that."

And she would _never_ admit to the traitorous part of her that whispered how nice it would be to have someone there with her.

"Kate." His voice had dropped, as if he realized the boys were listening in. "Let me share this."

She pushed violently away from her desk, thankful that she was finished and she had an excuse to leave anyway. She grabbed her coat and slid into it. "There's no tradition today, Castle," she told him as she buttoned her coat. "Leave. It. Alone."

No one spoke as she strode away, shoving her hands into her pockets and leaving her coffee and the cookies behind. Rick watched her, watched the tense line of her shoulders.

"Dude," Esposito snapped. There was obvious disapproval in his tone and Ryan echoed it with the shaking of his head.

"What?" Rick blew out a breath. He hated it when they did this, when Kate wouldn't say anything and Ryan and Esposito knew exactly what was going on. He admired their loyalty, but when it came to things that upset Kate, it drove him crazy. "Look, she's been going on and on about how important the Christmas spirit is, then she tells me today's Johanna's Day and clams up." He shot them an exasperated look. "I'm not stupid, so I know it has to do with her mother. And we both know how hard anything to do with her mother is for her." He pushed himself up and picked up the cookies. "So I'm sorry for caring."

Both detectives shifted uncomfortably when Rick headed for the elevator.

"She's only ever here for half the day," Ryan finally blurted, stopping Rick in his tracks. "She takes the afternoon off. Every year. She's never told us why."

Kate had never explicitly told him, so he wasn't lying. Esposito kept his mouth shut. He still vividly remembered what had happened the last time he'd put his nose into things with Johanna and how things had fallen apart. This time, he was going to keep his mouth shut. They were Kate's allies first. It was that simple.

Rick sighed, his gaze trailing back to the coffees that were still on her desk. With a sigh, he turned back to the elevator and pressed the button to go down to the lobby. As he waited, he saw Montgomery leave his office and head his way. But the Captain just stood there beside him, and they boarded the elevator together. Neither said a word as Rick pressed the button for the lobby.

Half way down, Montgomery reached into the pocket of his suit jacket and withdrew a folded piece of paper. Rick opened it and found and address in Brooklyn.

"It's a coffee shop outside of Green-Wood," the Captain explained shortly. "I have it on good authority you'll be able to find an ally there." He stayed on the elevator when it hit the lobby and Rick moved to get off.

Rick couldn't help the smile that drifted over his face. Kate may have her friends, but it looked like he had some in his corner too.

* * *

Kate had a routine, but thanks to Rick, she'd been thrown off balance. It was characteristic of him, but today wasn't the best day to exercise that particular talent. She'd had to spend an hour and a half wandering through the happy innocent animals in the Prospect Park Zoo before making her way to Green-Wood Cemetary.

She took the same path she did every year to get to her mother's grave, walking with careful, measured and counted steps. It was always an emotional upheaval doing this. She didn't want to. The pain in her chest made it difficult to breathe, but there was no way she _couldn't_.

The gravestone was granite, Johanna Beckett carved in capitals above the simple line, 'Love never fails'. Kate crouched down, balancing on the balls of her feet. She reached out and very slowly traced the letters of her mother's name.

God, Kate missed her.

The tear slipped down her cheek and Kate brushed it away. It never got any easier, no matter how many times she did it.

Then there was a warm hand on her back and a Christmas wreath leaning against the foot of the stone. Her head whipped around so fast she almost lost her balance.

"Castle?" she inquired harshly, eyes wide.

Rick looked unrepentant and contemplative as he met her gaze.

"How did you-?"

"You look like your dad," he offered in explanation.

"My dad has no idea I do this," she contradicted.

"Of course he knows," Rick responded. He tapped a finger against his temple. "Father's intuition." He shot her a half grin at the disbelieving noise she made.

"How did you know I was here?"

"A birdy told me I could find your dad in a coffee shop a few blocks from here. He told me you'd be here. Not that I hadn't already guessed what Johanna's Day meant, but I just didn't know where," he answered.

"And the wreath?" She couldn't wrap her head around it, not really.

This time, Rick offered a sheepish shrug. "You said Christmas was her holiday. It just seemed appropriate."

Kate shook her head unsure whether she was supposed to be exasperated or charmed. In fact, she wasn't totally sure she was mad at him for hunting her down. But it was another pile of emotions warring through her.

"Kate?"

She looked over from the Christmas wreath.

"You're right," he said. "You're not going to make me love Christmas over night. But skating and the cookies? They're a really good start." He shifted so he faced her. "I _want_ to share your traditions because taking part in even those two simple ones… I'm starting to see why you love it so much and why it means so much."

Kate swallowed thickly. He had to go push her emotional buttons again. Today too, when she was already vulnerable.

Rick reached out, following the quotation on the grave. "You make me want to believe in Christmas the way you do."

And for the third time in as many days, Kate burst into tears.

* * *

_Okay, I'm pretty sure this is the last time Kate's going to be crying for actually upsetting reasons._

_This was finished last night but I almost passed out writing the end of it, which is why it's up this morning instead. And I'm irritated about that. 'Cause today's the 16th, which means I have three chapters to write. I'm trying, I promise. Life got in the way in terms of travel and trying to finish up a paper. And I do want to do this story justice, which is why it's taking so long to get to the chapters. Well, that and I've done some rearranging so I have to take a few minutes to actually plan out the "new" version. This is normal._

_Patience is loved and adored, arguably more than reviews, but I'll take those instead! You guys are the most brilliant people ever for those, by the way. Seriously awesome._


	14. Chapter 14

**December 14, 2010**

Rick had been on his best behaviour all day. He kept her caffeinated, kept her fed and ensured that her blood sugar level stayed high as well. He didn't act up. He stayed quiet in his chair and even helped fill in some of her paperwork. Part of Kate was thankful. Part of her was irritated because by the time the end of her shift rolled around, she had no reason to stay behind.

And by the look on Rick's face, that had been his intention. The minute the last signed page was tucked safely in its folder, he offered her a charming grin.

"All we've had today is bagels, pastries and coffee," he declared. "What do you say to some real sustenance?"

Kate wanted to say no. Her last couple of days had been trying at best. They'd left her emotional and vulnerable and really, she wanted nothing more than to go home and recuperate. She looked up when he rested a hand on hers, reading his eyes.

_Trust me_.

So Kate nodded.

But it wasn't what she'd expected.

She figured on something like Remy's, somewhere they went often and felt like home. Instead, he tugged her to a nearby hot dog stand, ordering for both of them before looping her arm through his and wandering off down the New York streets. Much to Kate's surprise, he spent their leisurely walk-and-eat pointing out all of the buildings and apartments with Christmas lights.

"See that apartment up there?" he said, pointing as they were stopped at a crosswalk. "See how many lights they have? I bet they're compensating for something."

Kate arched an eyebrow playfully. She was valiantly ignoring the fact that the company and the Christmas lights were both to blame for the lightening in her chest. "Well, you'd know all about overcompensating, wouldn't you."

"Don't knock it 'til you've tried it," he teased in response as they both stepped out onto the street. They were bickering over which way to go when they heard the soft strings of Silent Night just loud enough over the whoosh of cars driving by. Rick didn't hesitate. He tugged her towards the noise. There, standing on the street corner in happy Santa hats, was a chorus group. They were young, probably from one of the nearby high schools, and they all wore corny sweaters as they sang.

Rick tugged Kate to a stop just off to the side and dropped her arm. Instead, he grasped her hand lightly in his and turned his attention to the carolers. Kate smiled as she listened. She was still exhausted, still emotionally drained, but she no longer felt like the world was crashing around her ears. She subconsciously stepped slightly closer to Rick's heat with a smile as Silent Night became Angels We Have Heard on High.

It wasn't until her shoulder brushed his arm that Kate realized how tense he was. She looked up, watching as his jaw worked, like his teeth were grinding together. It didn't take a genius to see he was uncomfortable and yet, his grip on her hand hadn't tightened. It stayed loose enough that she could pull away if she wanted, but his entire body stayed stiff and rigid. And Kate realized just what was going on. Sure, things had shifted, but Rick had been right, he wasn't going to change over night. Even with the wreath, how he'd pushed her to keep sharing her traditions, it was still uncomfortable for him.

She tugged on his hand and he gazed down at her. She shook her head slightly, in exasperation and the affection she'd never admit to. "Why?"

He tilted his head to the side, brow furrowing. "Why what?"

"You _hate_ this. Being here, listening to this… you're uncomfortable. So why do it when you knew I would have preferred to just go home?"

For a moment, she could tell by the flash of his eyes that he was seriously considering feeding her some story. So she stepped minutely closer, the entire side of her torso brushing against his arm and, in a brave, bold move, wove their fingers together. She could see the shift in his eyes as he gazed down at her.

"Because you needed it," he answered. "Whether you want to admit it or not, you've had a pretty emotional couple of days." Rick shrugged. "And you love Christmas."

Kate wasn't sure what to do. She never knew what to do with this sincere form of Richard Castle. This one thought about what she wanted, what she needed. Kate wasn't used to that. The Page Six playboy she knew how to handle. This thoughtful Rick slipped past her defenses and wormed his way into her heart.

She didn't say anything and turned back to the tail end of It Came Upon a Midnight Clear. When the applause died down, Kate tugged on his hand. Their fingers were still intertwined so it wasn't difficult to lead him away.

"But they're not finished," he protested.

"I know," Kate replied. "But if you grind your teeth anymore you're going to be eating out of a straw for the rest of your life." She let the teasing glint show in her eyes as she peered up at him. "Besides, the next one was going to be Rudolph and I hate Rudolph."

"First of all," he argued, holding up the requisite number of fingers on his free hand, "I'm sure there are excellent cosmetic dentists in New York that would gladly ensure I could still eat solid foods. And second," he tugged her around to face him. "I promised you that I would do anything for you when it came to your mother. And that includes anything you need, even if its just cheering you up and even if it means braving subzero temperatures and Christmas carols."

She couldn't stop the chuckle that reverberated through her chest, and she tried to ignore the heat of his hands on her biceps. "It's very brave of you."

For his part, Rick enjoyed the feeling of her strength beneath his fingers. "It's it though?" He grinned and squeezed her arms, then took a chance and wrapped his arm around her shoulders as they started away from the carolers. She surprised him by cuddling in. It was then Rick realized her cheek was cold despite the fact that she was bundled up against the chill. "Come on, Detective. Let's get you home."

Kate didn't argue. She was getting cold and he was warm, so she'd put aside her pride and teasing for warmth. And she was touched and charmed that despite the fact that he hated the carols, he'd pulled her that way because she'd had a couple of bad days. These kinds of things were what endeared him to her, what made her want to keep him around, and made her snuggle deeper into his side. They weren't far from her apartment anyway.

But more than that, Kate knew that the last forty-eight hours had broken down a barrier between them. She didn't feel as odd about accepting his role in her life and she didn't feel the same urge to pull away as she had before. It wasn't about spending personal time with him as a bad idea now. Instead, it had become almost a safety blanket, a guaranteed way to make her feel better. And he was proving it now.

She didn't pull away until they reached the front steps of her building. "You… didn't have to do this but-" She raised a hand as he opened his mouth to interrupt. "I appreciate it. Thank you, Rick."

"Was it successful?" he inquired, a thrill racing through his blood at the soft use of his given name.

"Yeah," she answered, offering a small smile. "Yeah, it did."

He reached out for her hand when she went to climb the stairs, then had to step after her to level their faces. She turned back curiously and he squeezed her hand.

"I'm glad. Until tomorrow, Kate."

Then he took a huge chance, leaned in, and pressed his mouth softly to her cheek. It lingered just too long to be platonic.

She looked utterly shocked as he pulled away, but he could see the blush intensifying beneath the pink colour the cold had contributed to her complexion. So he offered her a boyish grin, then hopped down to the sidewalk. He tucked his hands into his pockets and headed off down the street whistling happily.

* * *

_I don't think I'm completely satisfied with this, but that could be a whole lot of other stuff piling up on me. Who the heck knows these days. I need a gremlin to write my last paper because I don't want to. _

_And look! No tears! Laughter and sincerity but no tears! Success!_

_Here's to hoping I can do this again tomorrow! (Today?)_


	15. Chapter 15

**December 15, 2010**

As Kate wandered in and out of Manhattan boutiques the next afternoon, there was one thing she couldn't comprehend.

Why on earth had she said yes to this shopping trip?

Alexis was skipping along the street, bags swinging beside her as she finished up her Christmas shopping. Kate, in pure love-of-Christmas form, had finished hers long ago. Martha was really just tagging along.

Kate hated that it was difficult for her to see Alexis so happy. Logically, she understood it and understood it well. She would give anything to have Christmas with her mother again. Alexis was getting that chance. And more than that, Kate had loved sharing her traditions with the teenager. In too many ways, it had made her feel closer to Johanna again. It had transported her back to more innocent times, before murder had broken her family.

She was a little jealous of Alexis.

But when the teenager had called and shyly asked Kate to come with her and Martha, Kate hadn't been able to say no. There was something about an earnest Castle that tugged at Kate's heart and, since she was only on call that afternoon, she had the time.

But walking up and down the streets, trying to stay happy for Alexis' sake, was surprisingly difficult.

She felt better, more stable, less likely to break down at the mere mention of her mother and Kate knew there was only one man to thank for that. She'd all but floated up to her apartment the previous night – and there was no way _anyone_ would know that particular tidbit of information – because Rick had stood and listened to carols he hated because he thought it was what she needed. It had been the perfect remedy.

Despite the fact that Rick had made it clear he wanted to share her traditions, she still felt a little bit shoved aside at Meredith's sudden decision to come for Christmas. Of course, Kate wasn't family, so she had no 'claim' to them or their traditions, but, for the first time in a while, Kate had felt an odd sense of belonging. She fought against it, but Alexis was hard to keep at arms length. Rick was proving even more adept at slipping under her walls. She'd started to look forward to sharing some of the more serious traditions, like tree trimming and gift wrapping.

Meredith was a wrench Kate couldn't fight. She couldn't stand the woman, to be completely honest, and Meredith's presence diminished the Castles' need for her to show them the best parts of the holiday. It was a blatant reminder that she wasn't a part of their family, that the only family she had was her father. They didn't do Christmas dinner on Christmas. It was too painful. And for the first time in a while, Kate had been excited to ask for Christmas off so she could show the Castles why she loved Christmas so much. But now, Meredith was coming. Meredith, the woman Castle had crazy sex with every time she was in town, not that it bothered Kate. There would be no need for her and she wasn't about to be a third wheel. She'd already booked the days off, and now, well, she was starting to regret it.

"It's a good thing you're trying to do for them, Detective."

Kate almost jumped, having gotten so lost in her own thoughts she'd forgotten she was keeping pace with Martha. "Martha, it's Kate."

The older woman offered her a smile. "Well, Kate or Detective, you're doing a good thing for them."

"I don't know what you mean," Kate said, absently nodding as Alexis darted into another store.

"Oh, Darling, you are not a stupid woman. Neither am I." She seemed to pause. "I did my best in raising Richard."

Kate opened her mouth to argue that she'd raised a good man, even if he was childish and irritating, but Martha held up a hand.

"I agree, he is a good man, but there are some things that a travelling actress and single mother cannot give her son. I could give him all of the imagination in the world, but I could not give him a regular childhood."

Kate could read between the lines. Regular meant stable, meant all of the traditional aspects of family Kate had been privileged to experience.

"His hatred started with me. There wasn't much I could do to change that. I loved my son, I still love my son, but sometimes, he can be too protective of himself."

Well, that was a feeling Kate could empathize with.

"And Meredith… Alexis is his world, I don't think I need to tell you that. It's been good to see them laughing and smiling during December again. And I know exactly who to thank for that."

"Martha, I'm not doing anything."

"Oh, now, you don't believe that for a second. You know very well the changes in my son have everything to do with the things you love to do during the holidays. If it's important to you, it's important to him and I can tell he's trying not to hate it so much."

"I don't want him to change if it's not what he wants to do," Kate protested.

"Darling, when it comes to my son and you, there is nothing he doesn't want to do."

Kate blushed.

"Look," Martha said as they stopped outside the store Alexis had popped into. "I don't trust Meredith for a minute. She's flakey and unreliable and in a few days she's going to call and cancel and break Alexis' heart. It's going to break Rick's too and he's going to want to cancel Christmas. It's up to you to keep that from happening."

"Up to me?" Kate inquired with a shake of her head. "And what makes you think Meredith will cancel?"

"Because she does it every year," Martha revealed.

Kate wrinkled her brow in confusion.

"Every year, Meredith calls, promising to come and every year she cancels. To this day. So Richard always books a trip, somewhere away from the festivities where he and Alexis can pretend Christmas isn't happening. I think he hopes it won't be so painful for Alexis if they're not in the city."

God, these father things were going to kill her. They hinted at the sincere man she'd seen last night, the charming, adorable Rick that held her hand and kissed her cheek.

"But I think we both know that's not how you deal with pain. I'd like them to celebrate, Kate," Martha revealed. "I'd like them to be able to remember better times. And there's no one better to show them than you."

They both fell silent as Kate took in Martha's words. She'd given fleeting thought to the 'real' reason she was so determined to show Rick and Alexis a good Christmas. She'd always just chalked it up to the fact that the holiday and sharing it's inherent joys were a bit part of who her mother was. But standing here, with Martha, made something else itch at her brain. Something utterly terrifying and a thought that almost made her jolt.

She cared.

She cared about what the Castles thought of Christmas.

She cared about what they thought of the holiday.

She wanted to make sure they had a good Christmas.

And when it came down to it, she wanted to spend it with them.

It was that instant Kate realized there was a chance she'd gotten herself in over her head. And not just in sharing traditions. She'd underestimated the intensity of her drive to see them have a good Christmas, misrepresented her motivations and the startling clarity that came with the idea of wanting to spend a good Christmas with none other than Rick Castle jolted her insides.

She wasn't even supposed to like him. The holiday had originally been about changing his mind for Alexis, and somewhere along the way, Alexis had become a byproduct of her need to push Rick into an understanding of Christmas. It was no longer about helping Alexis, it was seeing to it that Rick understood.

And Kate knew that in trying to help him, she'd given him a piece of herself. He'd been at the grave with her for Pete's sake and _no one_ came to the grave that day. But she'd let him, and she'd let him rub his hand up and down her back when she'd broken down in tears.

Kate felt her heart thumping heavily against her rib cage.

It had become more than just sharing Christmas a long time ago.

And the implications of that thought terrified her.

* * *

_Typos and spelling mistakes are totally mine, unless auto-correct had its happy way with this. Just so you know and all._

_I think I like this one. Introspective, I know, and I'm not completely sure it turned out the way I wanted (I'd intended on Martha playing a much bigger role than she did) but I'm hoping it does some good in explaining why Kate's reacting in certain ways._

_And I can't wait to get this last bloody paper out of the way so I can focus on some serious writing! I'd love to get back into Rome and T&B I just don't have the time!_

_Loves to all of you who keep reviewing and double loves to those of you who send me notes about how you're addicted to this. It's people like you guys who make all of this worth writing. If I could send you all happy cookies, I would. Thank you._


	16. Chapter 16

**December 16, 2010**

Kate was incredibly thankful for whatever kept Rick away from the precinct that day. Her mind was a mess, a jumble of thoughts around what she was going to do with her new realization. It was scary, really. Terrifying. She wasn't supposed to like Rick. She was supposed to be mad at him if only because he drove her nuts and had a horrible habit of poking his nose where it didn't belong. And yet, when it came to Christmas, when it came to her mother, he was the only person she could think of having around.

But she had no idea what to do with that information. She wasn't falling for him, that was stupid, and there was no way she was considering dating him, because that would be even more ridiculous, so her revelation had no context. And Kate hated revelations without application.

There was a big part of her that wanted to run. Where, she hadn't quite gotten that far, but the panic that flooded her chest when she thought of Rick was almost enough to have her fleeing to the first place she could think of. But there was a part of her that fought against it too. Martha had seemed utterly convinced that there was no way Meredith would go through with her travel plans, and though she'd never, _ever_, admit it out loud, Kate didn't really want to leave the Castles stranded if that happened. In fact, it almost gave her more of a drive to prove that with or without Meredith, Christmas was whatever they wanted it to be.

But that didn't mean that the lack of Rick that day didn't comfort her.

It had done some good things to her equilibrium. It wasn't perfect and she still wasn't one hundred percent sure she could face him without getting flustered, but it was something.

So, when she'd made it home, she knew that despite her rather tedious day, she couldn't do anything that required brainpower. Her eyes landed on the small pile of bags she'd set beside her kitchen table. She couldn't help the smile that drifted over her face.

Kate Beckett had a cause.

Well, that wasn't entirely true. The charity had been her mother's thing and, unlike the other traditions, it was the one thing Kate couldn't bring herself to stop doing after her mother's death. It had been hard and terribly painful, but the charity needed the help and so, she'd made the time. The gift drive and ball had become her favourite part of the Christmas season. It felt good to give back in a positive way, rather than simply giving closure to a victim of crime.

And wrapping would be delightfully tedious anyway. It would give her a chance to wrap up most of her gifts in addition to the one for the ball on Wednesday.

She turned on some Christmas music and settled herself at the kitchen table to wrap. She had a system down pat this time and had gifts for everyone. Time slid away from her as she fell into the rhythm, cutting, taping and adding bows. She was about half way through when the knock sounded on her door, startling her.

And she almost didn't answer the door when she glanced through the peephole to see Rick on the other side, but her stomach made the decision for her when the smell of Chinese wafted under her door.

"Good evening, Detective."

She smiled despite herself. "What are you doing here?"

"Bringing food," he replied with a smile that made her heart beat just a little bit faster.

"I can feed myself, you know?"

"Yeah. But you don't," he grinned as he slid past her into the apartment. And stopped dead.

"You have a tradition."

She laughed slightly, despite herself. As much as she didn't want to admit it, and despite the fact that having him here made her remember how warm he'd been against her and his sweet kiss on her cheek, she was kind of glad he'd showed up. "Wrapping is just something that comes hand-in-hand with Christmas, Castle."

He'd wandered past her mess of paper and settled the bags of take-out on the counter. Then he turned to eye both the pile of wrapped and pile of unwrapped packages. The boyish grin Rick wore so often sprouted over his face as he started rooting through the piles. "Is my gift in here?"

Kate almost lunged, slapping at his hands. "Paws off," she ordered. "What makes you think I got you a gift?"

"Other than that delightful blush that's spreading across your face?" he teased. He sobered with a quick shrug. "You're thoughtful like that."

Kate's heart leapt, then settled into a heavy beating in her chest that made it difficult to breathe. This was why it was dangerous to have him around so soon.

His eyes sparkled when they met hers. "Dinner?"

If it was odd or disconcerting to have him eating on the opposite end of her couch, Kate didn't let on. Instead, it was easy, like they'd done it a hundred times and he cleaned the cartons away and packed the extra in her fridge. Then, much to her surprise, he rolled up his sleeves.

"So, where do we start?"

She blinked. "What?"

"Well, there's obviously some left to do. I can wrap. I buy Alexis and Mother birthday presents every year," Rick answered, "so where do we start?"

"Castle," she started reaching out for him.

"Rick," he blurted as he caught her hand. Kate was pretty sure she saw him smile and realized he wasn't as assured as she thought he was. "I'm Rick. You're Kate."

She pondered that for a moment, the intimacy of using first names, then tossed it aside. He'd been there through Coonan. He'd been there through anger, betrayal, and he'd promised he'd do _anything_. He was the first person who'd done so much on something that was so important to her, something that Will had never known. Wasn't that even more intimate than merely using her given name?

"I am," she finally said, and it was enough of an acquiescence. So she picked up her gift for Lanie, thankfully in an easy-to-wrap box and slid it his way. "You start there."

When he reached for the next gift, he stopped completely. "I thought your dad was your only family."

"He is," she answered, unsurprised that he knew that. Both of her parents had been only children. Her paternal grandparents had both died before she was born and her maternal grandparents had passed on while Kate was still young. Her father was the only person she had left.

Rick held up one of the children's toys. "Then what aren't you telling me?"

She looked up from her careful wrapping of a gift he had no idea would be his daughter's – because regardless of whether or not Meredith showed up, she'd shared a lot of herself with the teenager and it would have felt wrong not to send a gift her way – to glance at the brightly wrapped package meant to attract the attention of a five-year-old. "It's for charity."

Rick should have known and he knew it. "What charity?"

Kate shrugged. "It was my mom's thing." Which, she knew, told him a whole lot more than five simple words. "There's a ball on Wednesday and a bunch of kids get the chance to unwrap real presents. It's a day where they can be normal kids, without having to worry about… anything."

"And this charity…"

"Helps as many as they can," Kate responded, turning back to Alexis' gift and folding an edge with razor sharp precision. "Some of them are homeless, some of them just have parents that can't afford a Christmas. Some of them are teenagers who come because it's a better place than where they call home."

It was only once she'd finished wrapping Alexis' gift and he hadn't said anything that she forced herself to look up. Rick was turning the toy around and around in his hands, watching it with an expression of awe and wonder. "Rick," and his head shot up because she'd actually used his name, "It's just a toy."

"It's not," he responded, his eyes locking and holding hers. There was something there that made her insides quiver, like he saw how much more the toy meant, not just to whomever received it, but how much it meant to Kate to be able to give it. She didn't have near as much money as he did, but what she did have, she gave. Her heart, her compassion, all pieces of herself that she gave without thought and the evidence was right there in front of him. "This means so much more than just a toy, Kate."

She looked away, had to look away, pulling the next present towards her. This one wasn't so brightly packaged, meant for more of a teenager than a child and she deliberately picked dark green paper to match the tone of the gift.

"Can you bring a guest?"

The question took her off-guard because of the nonchalant way he'd asked it. "Yes," she answered slowly. "Are you inviting yourself along?"

"If you'll have me."

As if that wasn't a loaded statement.

Kate considered it for a moment. He _had _told her he wanted to share in her traditions and this was a tradition. It was an important tradition.

"I do charity events all the time," he continued starting in on the present. "It's actually in my contract, but some of them I genuinely enjoy."

Oh, she remembered. And he was good at working the floor at a charity event, she'd seen that too.

"And I'm pretty good company."

She chuckled. "You sound like you're trying to sell yourself."

He grinned. "You're a tough nut to crack," he responded. "More often than not, I don't have to invite myself along."

That made her heart do an uncomfortable flip. What the hell was she getting into? Was she seriously considering inviting him along to a charity function where he could spend the night flirting with everyone else? Last night had just been a friend helping a friend.

But friends didn't linger on her cheek like he had.

God, she was so confused. Here he was, wrapping presents with her, telling her he wanted to share her traditions, showing her with his eyes that he knew her better than she'd probably wanted him to and yet… She knew it was a bad idea – well, that and she _wasn't_ falling for him – because… well, because he was Richard freaking Castle.

As if that explained everything.

"It can't be any worse than the MADT fundraiser," he pointed out. "And this time you won't be wearing a gun." Rick grinned. "Hey, maybe you'll even have fun."

That made Kate roll her eyes, though a smile twitched at the corner of her mouth. "I have fun, Rick." Was it stupid that she liked the way his first name rolled off her tongue?

"On threat of death?" he teased.

She glared. Then her face softened when he just continued to grin at her. "It's going to be all… Christmas-y," she warned.

He arched an eyebrow. "So?"

"So Christmas still bothers you."

His eyes heated, the same way they did when she did something he found utterly sexy. "You're going to be there?"

She eyed him strangely. "Yes."

"In an evening gown?"

"That's the theory."

"I don't think I'll even notice."

And her breath caught at the same time she felt the blush race over her cheeks.

Rick added the final piece of tape to the gift he was wrapping, then stood with an exaggerated stretch. There were a few more gifts to wrap, but he also knew when to stage a strategic retreat. "Think about it. It could be fun."

He surprised her by walking around the table to press his lips against her cheek again, his hand ghosting down her back.

By the time Kate recovered, he was gone.

* * *

_Tee hee hee! _

_Sorry, this chapter made me a bit giddy. It was fun to write. _

_Now, granted, I may be done breaking Kate's heart (per se) but that doesn't mean I'm done breaking them. Like I said, you have to break their hearts to be able to put them back together again! And put them together again I will, you mark my words. I'd give them about a B+ overall, depending on the chapter maybe more. _

_I kid!_

_And one more thing. I have divorced parents (and yes, this is relevant) so while I've never had a parent abandon me, I've had my fair share of heartache when it comes to one parent leaving, or one parent not keeping a promise. That's where I'm coming from when it comes to Alexis. There is always something that makes you hope, no matter how many times that parent may have cancelled on you and because they're your parent, you want to believe that each time is going to be different. You say to yourself 'this year, they're going to keep that promise' because that's what you want to believe. And remember, I'm not writing this from Alexis' POV, so we don't get to see why she's decided to choose full-on excitement over tempered excitement, but I needed you guys to understand that being that excited is incredibly plausible. _

_In the meantime, I hope you enjoyed that chapter and not everyone is going to need to go brush the cavities out of their teeth from this!_

_PS: 515 reviews? Are you guys crazy people? This is an overwhelming response I honestly didn't expect and I appreciate more than I can say. I know I've been thanking you for chapters now, but... it's important that you guys realize this kind of response, whether you think it's warranted or not, is overwhelmingly awesome. I couldn't ask for a better group of people to be leaving their thoughts. So even though I can't get back to each of you in person, it means the world that you're taking the time to review._


	17. Chapter 17

**December 17, 2010**

Rick all but skipped out of his apartment building the next day, hailing a cab with a smile etched on his face. He wanted to see if Kate had made a decision yet.

He still detested Christmas, it still reminded him of too many bad things, but when it came down to it, he was an opportunist at heart, and that instinct had helped him realize that he was being presented with the opportunity of a lifetime.

Kate Beckett, open like she'd never been before, and perfect for courting.

And courting her was exactly what he'd decided to do. It had hit him like a punch to the stomach to see her race out of Alexis' high school theatre and he'd realized how important Christmas was to her before that. Even with the idea of Meredith looming over his head, the last thing he wanted was to allow Kate to pull away from him, not when she'd been opening up.

He'd almost panicked when she continued to refuse and so, he'd pulled out the big guns and been given a lifeline when he'd found Jim Beckett in the coffee shop across from Green-Wood cemetery. He hadn't been kidding when he'd told Kate she looked like her father either. Jim had been honest, but careful with what he said, aware of how private his daughter was. Rick had, in some senses, taken advantage of the situation, aware that the best time to get through to her, to make her see he was sincere, was to hit her with it while she was down. It was a twisted thought, and he knew there was an element of taking advantage of her to that kind of plot, but he was hanging onto a thread.

Kate believed in Christmas because Johanna believed in Christmas.

Rick wanted to believe in Christmas because Kate did.

And if that meant he had to expose himself to garlands and wreathes, and a constant barrage of red and green, then so be it. Anything to see Kate smile, to see her laugh, to see her eyes sparkle with childish glee. And that's exactly what they'd done the night he'd dragged her out to walk the streets of New York. He'd been enthralled by how she'd stood there, her hand in his, just listening and it had almost made standing there bearable.

Then she'd blown him away by recognizing his discomfort. Of course, he realized that it really shouldn't have surprised him. That was Kate and he'd seen her compassion and her thoughtfulness before. The single-minded way she went about victims, the way she poked at the boys when she had the opportunity, the way she took Ryan's side when he and Esposito were ganging up on him. To Kate, others came first, though she had seemed at least a little lighter as they'd walked back to her apartment.

So he wanted to convince her to let him come to the charity gala. He wanted it badly.

He was half way to the precinct, plotting the best way to bring it up and to convince her, when his phone chirped Alexis' ringtone.

"Are you skipping class young lady?" he greeted cheerfully.

For a moment, he was greeted with silence. Then a hiccup.

"Daddy…"

* * *

Kate had been expecting Rick all day. It wasn't like him to be missing for so long and it had been a couple of days. Plus, since he seemed so game to brave Christmas for charity, she figured it wouldn't take much for him to do the same to come to the precinct. Granted, they hadn't had any good cases in a while, but that had never stopped him before. And it was surprisingly distracting to _not_ have him around. Now, every time the elevator dinged her eyes darted up to see if it was Rick stepping onto her floor.

When he did, she actually stared. There was a dark cloud following him, an almost thunderous look lurking under an impassive face, but Kate was too adept at looking for his micro-expressions not to see it. She wasn't sure if she was terrified or simply concerned. He'd never seemed this… angry before.

And her breath caught.

No. No, no, no, no, no.

Because as much as Kate had hoped for it in a tiny corner of her brain, she didn't want to be right.

"Detective Beckett." The formality made her jolt. "May I have a moment?"

"Of course," she replied and hoped to everything she didn't sound like the shaking of her insides. She didn't ask despite her surprise when he slipped her jacket from the back of her chair and held it out for her and she followed him silently into the elevator. The ride was silent and she easily kept pace with him when they disembarked and headed for the New York streets.

When she'd woken that morning, Kate had been excited by the clouds. They screamed snow at her and there was nothing Kate loved more than a gorgeous snowfall. But all of that was tempered against the murderous gleam in his eye.

It was a few blocks before he turned into the little park they sometimes ate in if they had time for a longer lunch. He found a bench and plopped onto it. Kate followed, and stayed seated when he popped up again to pace in front of her. She wasn't sure how long she sat there before he spoke.

"Meredith canceled on Alexis."

Kate swore her heart stopped. Her eyes drifted closed in sympathy and pain, both for the teenager and for her father. Because it was obvious there was nothing Rick wanted more than to get on a plane and drag Meredith by her hair if it meant Alexis' happiness. And this was exactly what Kate had been hoping against.

"Alexis?" she finally asked opening her eyes again.

"At home with Mother. She _voluntarily _skipped school. My daughter." He was back to pacing again, clenching his fists in obvious anger. Kate forced herself to stay calm. Two of them upset and angry wasn't going to help, even if that was exactly how she felt.

She closed her eyes again, forcing herself to take a deep breath, then she opened them again and reached for him. She grasped his wrist as she stood, waiting until his hand relaxed enough for her to slip hers in his. She could tell he was startled by the gesture, but she barely acknowledged she'd done it. Instead, she tugged him deeper into the park.

"I don't know how to fix it," he said after a few steps. "My daughter is hurting and I can't fix it."

"Of course you can," Kate answered softly. "She just found out. She deserves time to be upset."

"She was _so excited_, Kate. And I _knew_."

For her part, Kate couldn't understand it any better than Rick could. She couldn't understand how Meredith could break Alexis' heart like that, and knew the woman probably didn't see it that way. They walked a little more, and though Kate knew it wasn't necessarily the time, as she looked around the snowy landscape, she couldn't help the smile that twitched at the corner of her mouth. She was still angry, there was no doubt about that, and if she saw Meredith anytime soon she wouldn't hesitate to maybe break the woman's jaw, but taking in the beauty of a snow-covered New York made it difficult for Kate to focus on that anger.

"You know, I love the snow."

Rick was surprised by the comment and she couldn't blame him. It seemed totally random. But Kate was rarely, if ever, random. She laughed slightly as she took in the look on his face, weaving their fingers together with no real thought of her own.

Her smile sobered slightly, but stayed. "My mom loved the snow."

And though his Alexis problems weren't gone, she knew she had his complete attention.

"She always dragged me outside at the first sign of snow. Even if it was just the stuff that melted when it touched the ground, we were outside standing in it." She laughed slightly as she remembered. "There's one year, I can vividly remember her waking me up. It had been snowing for a while, we had about two feet, but it was at night, so we'd missed it starting. She woke me up and told me to put on my coat and boots. We stood outside for almost half an hour, just watching the snow fall."

A ghost of a smile flitted across his face.

"I woke her up one year," she continued as they walked along, and she absently ran her fingers along the waist high fence covered with a dusting of snow. "It was my senior year and I'd been out late on a Saturday night. I was still within curfew when it started to snow." The laugh she released this time was absolutely musical. "I left Kurt Murchison in the front seat of his pick-up, a block away from my house to race in and get my mom for the first snowfall."

Rick could feel some of the depression lifting. It wasn't gone, and it wouldn't be until Alexis was feeling better, but being with Kate, seeing her enjoyment at something as simple as frozen water, made his heart a little bit lighter. This was why he'd come to her when he'd found out Meredith wasn't coming to New York for Christmas. This time of year, he found just being around her was like taking some sort of anti-depressant.

"You were a tease."

"Not at all," she laughed. "It was our tradition. Mom and I stood outside for the first snowfall every year. Not even Kurt Murchison, who was an excellent kisser, by the way, could ruin that."

What happened next… well, he couldn't have written it any better himself. When she caught sight of the first few flakes, Kate stopped absolutely and utterly dead in her tracks. He watched her follow the flakes as they fell through the bare trees, and she held out a gloved hand to catch one. The smile that spread across her face was so wide and so genuine that Rick felt his stomach jolt. She was gorgeous.

Kate released his hand as the snow started falling thicker, striding ahead a few paces before twirling once, so carefree in the falling flakes. He was flabbergasted watching her, seeing the glee on her face as she all but danced through the park. It was so uncharacteristic and so beautiful that he was stunned. She was magnificent in her red coat and white knit cap, cupping her hands in front of her to catch the snowflakes. Her eyes were bright and her smile so perfect that Rick found himself moving without his conscious permission.

As she spun again, he couldn't help himself.

Kate's breath caught as she felt his arm wrap around her waist. The momentum of her turn carried her into his body, her hands splaying on his chest. Her eyes met Rick's dark and intense gaze and while there was residual anger lingering in the very depths, that wasn't the emotion in the forefront of his eyes. She knew what was coming next, and her hands curled in his jacket in anticipation.

When his mouth touched hers, everything went haywire.

Rick's arm flexed against her back and Kate almost stumbled forward. His other hand slipped under her hair as his tongue came out to tease her bottom lip. Kate opened her mouth, shivering more from the fissions of heat skimming the length of her nerves than from the December chill. The col and the park disappeared with Kate's last thought as she let one of her arms wrap around his neck.

It took a dog, barking loudly and colliding with Kate's calves, to break them apart. Rick stepped back from her once she'd caught her balance, licking his lips and watching her for a moment. Then his mouth quirked up as he picked up her hand. "Come on, we should be getting back."

When the precinct was in sight, Kate tugged on his hand, stepping in front of him as he came to a stop and chewed her bottom lip. "How are you feeling?"

He squeezed her hand. "Better," he replied, trusting her to read between the lines. He couldn't just forget about Alexis' feelings, but that little chance to lighten his load had helped dissipate some of the dark cloud. "I'll put snow therapy on my list."

They were both studiously avoiding talking about the kiss, but that didn't stop them from clinging to each other's hands. Something had shifted between them, and though Rick wanted to talk about it, wanted to push that little bit further and secure his invitation to the charity gala, he also knew Kate needed space.

And he needed to go home to his broken-hearted baby girl.

"Tell Alexis I'll come by tomorrow," she said, startling him out of his thoughts. "We'll… do something."

"You don't-" he started to say.

"No," she agreed, a smile stretching over her face. "But just because her mom's not coming, doesn't mean she can't have Christmas."

The double-meaning was not lost on him and he regarded her with a sense of wonder. It was moments like these that he found himself wondering what good he'd done to deserve a woman like Kate in his life. "Okay," he said after a moment. "I think… I think we'd both like that."

Alexis, neither of them were sure, but Kate appreciated the thought.

He took a chance and stepped forward, brushing his lips tentatively against hers. He smiled when she didn't slap him. Maybe he was breaking through a lot faster than he'd thought. "Until tomorrow, Detective."

She smiled, just that little bit shy. "Until tomorrow, Rick."

* * *

_Closer, closer, closer... I'm actually 2 chapters away from getting caught up and that makes me a lot happier than the three it was this morning. _

_And though I'm sure that some of you are going to think about smacking me for justifying this, I'm both happy and unhappy with where this ended up. There's a part of me that feels like Rick's "disregard" (which is deliberately in quotation marks because I broke my brain and can't think of a better word) for Alexis' feelings came on too fast, even though he's so enamored with Kate, and there's another part of me that whole-heartedly disagrees specifically because it's Kate and he always seems so distracted by her. So I'm at a loss and in a little bit of a pickle over how I feel about it. Just saying. No need to comment, really, unless there's general agreement as to why this feels off. And I know one of you will be intuitive enough to figure it out and then I will be giddy as anything because it will all make sense. _

_I really like it when it all makes sense. _

_And yes, I acknowledge that it is VERY likely Kate is EXTREMELY OOC in this chapter. She kind of needed to be. And there's a part of me that also recognizes that we don't see this light-hearted side of Kate often so it's equally as likely that this is what she's like in her off hours with snow and we just don't know it yet.  
_

_Two updates in 24 hours! I feel rather accomplished, if I do say so myself!_


	18. Chapter 18

**December 18, 2010**

Rick opened the door in the early afternoon to find another casually-dressed Kate. She glanced up at him shyly, then stepped into the apartment. Without thought, he reached over and grasped the collar of her coat as she slipped it off and he watched a shiver trill through her. Though a little corner of his brain registered the movement – and what it meant – his mind was completely focused on something else.

"She's upstairs," he offered softly as she turned to him. "She won't come out of her room."

"May I?" she asked, her voice just as low.

"Of course. Third door on the right."

She offered him a reassuring smile and a quick brush of her hand against his arm before climbing the stairs. As she stood in front of the door, she found herself leaning forward, resting her forehead against the wood. Had she bitten off more than she could chew? She'd seen the hope in Rick's eyes when he'd found her in the doorway and there was a part of her that wasn't sure she could help Alexis.

_I'd like them to be able to remember better times. And there's no one better to show them than you._

Martha's words floated through her head, and Kate almost squared her shoulders. She shook herself mentally, reminding herself that this wasn't an interrogation. Alexis was a teenager with a broken heart. Kate knew how that felt. She knocked, almost tentatively.

"Dad, go _away_."

Well, that in itself spoke as to how far Rick had been trying to go to cheer Alexis up. "It's not your dad."

There was wariness in Alexis' eyes when she pulled open the door. "He sent you?"

"I wanted to come," the detective replied, vaguely wondering if Rick had passed on the message she'd left with him yesterday. There was a minute where Kate wondered if Alexis was going to let her in then the redhead stepped back.

Kate wasn't surprised at what greeted her. Alexis' room, done in jewel tones and some gorgeous reds and oranges, was very representative of Alexis herself. But really, it was the drawn blinds, the lack of light and the box of tissues sitting on Alexis' night table that weren't surprising.

Alexis flopped on her bed as Kate closed the door behind her. "I take it Dad told you?"

"He did." There was no reason to lie to her. "He's worried."

"Yeah well."

Kate waved to the other side of Alexis' bed and she nodded. The detective slid onto the other side until they were side-by-side, both just staring at the ceiling. But Kate, who had been a teenager once herself, didn't say a word. Instead, she waited, very patiently.

"Why did she do it?"

There were tears in Alexis' voice and there was nothing Kate wanted to do more than reach out to her. But Alexis, if she wanted the comfort, would have to make the first move.

"I don't know," Kate answered honestly.

"I don't know which is worse, the fact that I expected her to be here or the fact that I'm so upset that she's not."

Kate paused for a moment, considering. "She's your mom, Alexis," she said finally. "You're always going to hope she'll figure out what matters and she'll be there for it."

"But it's stupid. She's let me down so many times…" Alexis argued.

"Maybe," Kate acknowledged. "But that doesn't change it. It doesn't change that you want her here, to hug her on Christmas morning, to open presents with, to bake with…"

"She promised," Alexis whispered.

"I know," Kate replied, acting on instinct, ignoring her previous trepidation and pulling Alexis into her arms. "But when it comes to Christmas, it's not about your mom, or your dad, or even me. Christmas is whatever you want it to be _despite_ the things that may go wrong." She looked down and tilted the redhead's chin up until she could say this directly into Alexis' eyes. "Christmas isn't what your mom makes it. It's what _you_ make it."

"What if I want to make it with my mom?"

Her voice was tiny and Kate rubbed his hand up and down Alexis' arm. "You could go down to California."

"No!" Alexis exclaimed, bolting up. "I'd leave my dad!"

Well, that had been one of the reactions Kate had expected, but the almost-violence in it surprised her. She held up her hands in surrender. "I'm not asking you to."

Much to Kate's surprise, Alexis settled against her again, resting her head on the detective's shoulder.

"What do you do?"

"Honey," Kate began mentally shaking herself as the endearment slipped out again. She wasn't usually one for petnames, but she couldn't seem to stop doing it with Alexis. "My mom _can't_ come." And she couldn't stop herself from swallowing thickly, almost choking on the words. "It's different."

"But it still hurts," Alexis pushed and Kate felt her head swim. "How do you fix it?"

Kate considered the question, or pretended to while she tried to get the nausea to stop. Then she sucked in a deep breath. "I celebrate."

Alexis waited patiently for Kate to continue.

"At first, it's hard. You want that person there more than anything in the world and you don't think you can do it without them. But then… it gets easier, and you start to look forward to the little changes." She felt Alexis squeeze her slightly and looked down with a ghost of a smile. It was apparent that Alexis, if she hadn't before, now understood how difficult it was to think about Johanna, let alone talk about her. "For example, Lanie usually comes skating with me. It's girl's time, just like it was with my mom, but it's my best friend instead. It's not perfect, but Christmas was a really important holiday when I grew up and I don't want to lose that."

She didn't want to tell Alexis that losing Christmas felt like she was losing her mother that little bit more.

"Is that enough?"

"For me, yeah," Kate acknowledged. "At first… it wasn't. And then…" The detective shifted until she was eye-to-eye with Alexis. "If you want, I can show you."

Alexis chewed her lip. "I don't know," she admitted, curling in on herself. "I don't know if I want to celebrate Christmas anymore."

Kate just wrapped her up in her arms as the tears came with a vengeance.

* * *

Kate sighed as she emerged from Alexis' room an hour later. The teen had cried for almost forty-five minutes before dropping off to sleep and Kate had waited the extra fifteen to make sure she wouldn't disturb the redhead in leaving. Now, she padded down the stairs, aware that her sweater now sported a nice dark stain from tears feeling worn down and a little lost.

"You look like I feel."

Kate didn't jump because she wasn't the least bit surprised that he was sitting on the couch, waiting for her to emerge. "She's a tough nut to crack."

"You would know," he quipped though even she could tell his heart wasn't in it.

Kate took a seat beside him on the couch and Rick shifted, curling a leg between them.

"It's bad," she offered.

"How bad?" he asked.

"She doesn't want to celebrate Christmas." And the sheer amount of pain that swept through Kate in that moment would have embarrassed her if Rick could see it.

But he was too wrapped up in his own worry and concern to spot the minuscule signs of her distress. It happened a lot when his daughter was involved. "At all?"

Kate shook her head before mirroring his position and propping her elbow on the back of the couch. Her head went into her hand as she eyed him wearily. "She wants Christmas with her mom."

The anger flared in Rick's eyes and she wondered for a brief instant if she was going to have to find some way to lock him in the loft. "Meredith was never meant to be a mother."

Kate couldn't argue that.

"What do I do?" he asked, so pained and lost. "Nothing that usually cheers her up is helping."

Kate didn't have an answer. Not really. She was busy tomorrow, the annual Christmas dinner because celebrating on Christmas day was too difficult for her and her father, but if Alexis didn't want to celebrate Christmas, it was a moot point.

Wasn't it?

It wasn't like she and her dad made a big deal of it. They had turkey sandwiches, ate while they debated baseball and avoiding talking about Kate's job. Sometimes they talked about Johanna. They exchanged little gifts and then she went home. Actually, when it came down to it, there was very little Christmas involved. They didn't sing carols, they didn't decorate a tree, they didn't eat anything especially Christmas-y…

"Come with me tomorrow."

The words were out of her mouth before she could really stop them, and there was a distinct part of her that wanted to slap her hands over her mouth. But that would give away how nervous she was about the idea and risked him thinking her insincere. She wasn't, not really, but that didn't mean she'd meant to say it.

"Where?" Rick inquired, his brow knit in confusion.

Kate let her eyes drift closed. "My dad's," she answered finally, avoiding his gaze by keeping her lids firmly shurt. "We do Christmas the weekend before." She knew she didn't have to tell him why Christmas Eve and Christmas Day were off limits.

"But if she doesn't want to celebrate…?"

"It's nothing special," Kate answered. "We just… eat and talk. Exchange a gift." She shrugged.

"Will your dad be able to help her?"

That was something Kate hadn't honestly considered. "I don't know," she admitted. She paused a moment, her brain finally catching up with what exactly she was offering. If he agreed, if he managed to get Alexis to come along, she'd be introducing her father to them. She hadn't introduced her father to anyone in a very long time.

But then again, hadn't he already met Rick?

"It would be a pleasure," he said softly when she finally opened her eyes and met his. "If we're not intruding."

Kate was pretty sure her dad wouldn't mind and if it would help Alexis… well, Kate wanted to do whatever it took to get the teenager happy again. Seeing Alexis cry, feeling her sob, being able to reach up and touch the salty wet patch on her shoulder unnerved Kate.

So even if it was going to take some organizing, Kate decided she wanted them there. It was a part of Christmas, after all, and she still wanted to share her Christmas with them.

"I'm sure," she said, surprising herself with how sure she did sound. Then she stood and offered him a smile that she didn't feel. "Maybe it'll help Alexis."

She was honestly surprised when he followed her to the door and when she turned to say goodbye, her breath caught at the awe in his face. Rick pulled her to him, wrapping her up in a hug and pressing a sweet kiss to her temple. His words were simple, and she knew, heartfelt.

"You truly are extraordinary."

* * *

_All you guys need to know is that I battled with this. I really did. Why? Well, you guys have this really neat and yet odd history of sniping at me when I explain myself so in some ways it's irrelevant. For those of you who read my stuff often, you can tell, I'm sure. _

_But what matters is that you guys enjoyed it. If you didn't... well, I apologize, I think. _

_And now I get to write a VERY grumpy Alexis._


	19. Chapter 19

**December 19, 2010**

When Alexis woke up the next morning, she felt no happier than when she'd dropped off the night before. Part of her felt bad. It was clear her dad wanted to see her happy and apparently he'd been excited that she was looking forward to celebrating. But Alexis had to admit, her heart just wasn't in it. She was hurt and disappointed and even with her dad, Grams and Kate felt a little abandoned.

That didn't mean she wasn't appreciative of what her dad and Kate had tried to do. She recognized that her father just wanted her to be happy, to stop moping. It was his way. Kate had been much quieter and had merely offered comfort and support. Even so, Alexis knew she was disappointing them, even if they understood.

Either way, Alexis was glad her father had given her space. After bringing her happy face pancakes in bed, he'd seemed to disappear. Alexis knew she was wasting the day away by moping, but she couldn't bring herself to do anything else. And she'd tried. Instead, she continued to just sit in the dark, looking at nothing.,

But unbeknownst to Alexis, Rick was up to his eyeballs in a plot behind her back. He wanted his little girl to be happy. But, he'd already promised himself that if she truly didn't want to celebrate, if this plan with Kate's dad didn't help, then he'd drop it and charter the first flight to somewhere else. Anywhere else. And maybe he'd even kidnap Kate in the process.

It had taken everything in him not to pull out all the stops in trying to cheer Alexis up. He was pretty sure he'd been driving Kate nuts with the constant barrage of text messages and calls she'd had to keep up in order to keep him out of Alexis' room.

The knock came on his door at exactly three o'clock and he all but leapt up to answer it. He grinned at Kate as best he could considering his moping daughter upstairs.

"Everything ready?" he asked, unable to stop the smile from slipping off his face. This wasn't like Alexis. She'd always had a twenty-four hour sulking rule. It was driving him batty.

Kate's smile stayed, though it slipped into something softer. "All ready," she promised. "You?"

Rick looked dejectedly up the stairs. "I haven't told her."

She nodded. "Why don't you let me be the bad guy?"

Actually, Kate had anticipated this. When it came to his daughter, Rick was notoriously reluctant to do anything that would ruin his role as the 'Cool Dad'. But Kate… if Alexis ended up angry at her, it wasn't as detrimental like it would be if she was angry at Rick.

"No. It's okay."

"Rick," she stopped him. "Let me do this. She doesn't have to love me in the morning."

Well, he wanted Alexis too, but knew there was only relief and apprehension in his gaze when he nodded. Kate took to the stairs retracing her steps from the previous day. She knocked tentatively. "Alexis?"

"Come in." There was surprise on the teenager's face as Kate found her curled in a chair in the corner. "Kate."

"How are you feeling?" Kate asked.

"Not much better," Alexis admitted, curling herself tighter in a ball.

Kate took a deep breath. "I need you to do me a favour." She knew it was an odd request. They weren't particularly close by any extent of the imagination at least not really close enough for Kate to be asking a favour.

"A favour?"

The detective stepped into the room. She'd carefully considered what she was going to say to Alexis, knowing that she was going to resist. "I need you to give Christmas one more chance."

Alexis just eyed her skeptically.

Kate settled on the end of Alexis' bed, leaned forward and rested her elbows on her knees. "If anyone even remotely understands what you're going through, it's me," she began slowly. "And I'm not telling you you're not entitled but… I'd really like you to come with me to my dad's."

"Christmas dinner." Alexis caught on quick.

"Kind of," the detective allowed. "My dad and I have never done _real_ Christmas."

A look washed over Alexis' face, as if she understood what Kate was alluding to.

"It's… it's nothing special. We have dinner, but… really we just hang out. There's no caroling, there's no Christmas movies… Just dinner." She offered a bit of a rueful smile. "We exchange small gifts, but that takes about three seconds."

Alexis had a serious problem. She didn't want to celebrate. Really didn't want to celebrate. But it was _very_ difficult to say no when Kate was being so sincere and so earnest. Well, that and the fact that even in her mother-induced grief, she knew that she would be doing her dad a favour. But she really, _really_ didn't want to celebrate.

"One more try," Kate cajoled. "If you still don't want to celebrate, your dad and I will leave you alone." She tilted her head to the side. "In fact, I think your dad will even charter a jet and whisk you away if that's what you want."

"Just this?" Alexis asked, and there was a weariness to her voice that bothered Kate.

And yet, she was going to push.

"Just this," she agreed.

Alexis looked away, thinking for a moment. Then she looked back. "I'm going to need an hour."

* * *

Kate felt her excitement rising as she drove closer. She'd never, _ever_ tell Rick or Alexis, but she'd called her father the previous night, nervous and shy, asking him if, this year, they could step it up. She'd actually stayed over at her dad's the night before, and spent the morning running errands to make this Christmas quiet, but real. The turkey, the stuffing, the potatoes, the whole thing. Because she wanted to give them Christmas.

Her father had been taken aback by the favour. They didn't celebrate Christmas. They hung out during the holiday season but to actually celebrate? So he'd agreed, so long as Kate explained why this dinner was so important to him.

And she had.

She'd just left out pieces.

Like why the entire holiday was so important.

Like why she was willing to share Johanna all of a sudden.

Why she was sharing Johanna specifically with the Castles.

There was a part of Kate that was glad that they weren't _that_ close. They were close, because Kate couldn't be anything but his rock through his rehab, but there was still a chunk of her private life that she kept hidden from him. He was still her dad. And she was still his little girl.

So her excitement built as she turned off the highway and into the suburb that her father lived in.

The true smile that blossomed over her face was unstoppable as they pulled into the driveway. She'd plotted with her dad, behind even Rick's back so when she climbed out of the car, Jim threw open the door.

"Katie!"

They hugged. Tightly. Then Jim, his arm around Kate's shoulders, held out a hand to his guests. "Rick. Good to see you again."

Rick offered Kate a sheepish smile at the arched eyebrow. "Remember when I told you that you look like your dad?"

Kate leaned away from her dad to look at him. "You know him."

"Well, I know _of _him," Jim replied. "You read his books."

"Dad!"

The giggle caught Jim's attention. "And who is this?"

"This is my daughter," Rick said proudly, pulling Alexis forward. The redhead offered a smile that fell off her face quickly. "Alexis."

Kate exchanged a look with her father. They'd talked about the best way to greet the teen. Jim stepped forward, pulling Alexis into his arms. She was surprised, and it took her a minute, but she wrapped her arms around him.

"Jim," he said when he pulled back with a smile. "Katie's told me a lot about you."

"She has?" Alexis seemed surprised.

"Of course she has," Jim replied cheerfully. "Come on, I'll tell you all about it."

* * *

"Katie tells me your mom isn't coming out for Christmas."

Alexis' head popped up to find Jim standing over her. She'd taken almost immediately to the bay window in the living room of Jim Beckett's house and she'd spent most of her time there. She'd helped set the table, but otherwise, she'd stayed out of the way.

"She lives in California and she's busy," Alexis answered carefully. They heard a crash and both turned to the kitchen.

"We're fine!" they heard Kate call, laughter in her voice.

Alexis smiled.

"It's hard, isn't it," Jim said, his upper body still turned towards the kitchen but the comment obviously directed at Alexis. "The theory is Christmas is supposed to be about family."

"The theory?"

Jim offered her a smile as he turned back to the softly falling snow. He always thought of Johanna when the snow fell, and of a child-like Kate trampling through the backyard in it. He offered her a shrug. "What is family?"

Alexis looked up at him in blatant confusion. "What?"

"What does family mean?" Jim repeated. "Is it the people? Is it the place? Is it the action?" He slid onto the edge of the seat at Alexis' feet. "Are the traditions what matter?"

Alexis blinked.

Jim smiled.

"I don't get it."

"Most people assume Christmas is about the gifts," Jim began, his eyes going back out the window. "If it's not about the presents, it's about family. But no one defines family. And no one thinks about the true meaning of Christmas."

"Is this what Kate was trying to tell me about yesterday?" Alexis asked, shifting so she could cross her legs.

"Katie… Katie had to grow up fast. When Johanna was killed… Katie took on a lot after that. We were both force to redefine holidays. Easter, Thanksgiving, Christmas… we had to redefine what we knew." He smiled at Alexis. "Now, we don't celebrate Christmas on December twenty-fifth, but we still make sure we put aside the time for each other. Sometimes it's not about the date, or the tradition, so long as you get to celebrate with the people who love you." He looked back outside again. "And sometimes without those people."

Alexis pulled her knees up and wrapped her arms around them. They settled into silence, listening to the sporadic guffaws of laughter from the kitchen.

"Alexis," Jim began, aware that they'd still just been introduced. Still, if he knew anything about his daughter, he could see the writer and Alexis making more appearances in his home. "I have never seen my Katie more determined to show someone else what Christmas means to us. We've made our holiday despite the fact that we've lost someone and those traditions are all the more important to her because she's sharing them with _you_.

"I think she sees herself in you, someone who wants Christmas, but isn't quite sure how to go about getting it. It's important and it's good, but beyond that…" He leaned forward. "Let her show you. Let her be there for you. Let her help you rediscover Christmas without your mom."

The laughter carried into the living room again and Alexis couldn't sop the smile at the obvious fun her father was having. It was the first year her father hadn't been a complete Grinch. In fact, it was a complete role reversal. She was pouty, he was happy. And she loved it when her dad was happy.

Parts of what Jim had said made perfect sense. She knew that a big part of her depression came from the fact that she was letting it continue. Her father was having fun during a time of year he hated and she should be able to do the same despite the fact that her mother wasn't going to be there.

But it was her _mom_.

Still, she met Jim's eyes and chewed her lip. Then she said, "I'll think about it."

Jim smiled back. "That's all we can ask for."

* * *

_I don't feel like I did this chapter justice. But honestly, I've been fighting with it for three days and unfortunately this was the best I could get. _

_I should be doubling up a lot easier now. I've handed in my paper and the only thing left is prepping for the holidays. I should be able to get the rest up in plenty of time. _

_However, there's a couple of things I wanted to ask. _

_1) and what is potentially a stupid question, but I want to know if you guys do want to see something between the 26th and the 1st. I always ask before I just go ahead and do it, so I'm looking for some feedback on that one. _

_2) gifts. There has to be gifts and while I have some vague ideas, I want to know what you guys think of ideas for Rick, Kate, Alexis and even Martha. _

_So tell me what you think on either of those or the chapter? I'd think it was pretty cool if you did._


	20. Chapter 20

**December 20, 2010**

Alexis had been very careful not to let on to Kate and her dad that she and Jim had talked. She wanted to make her decision on her own. So she'd kept her mouth shut about their serious little talk the previous day and taken Jim's words home with her.

Well, Jim's words and her father's actions.

Her dad and Kate had come out of the kitchen, water-spotted and sporting wide grins. Kate still had a handful of bubbles in her hair and Rick had a distinct handprint mark on his shirt. But they'd been grinning and she'd seen _that look_ in her father's eyes. The one that said Christmas wasn't just about the holiday. The one that said Kate was worth more than just his partner.

She'd been silent the previous night as they'd driven back to the city, but considering how quiet she'd been most of the night, Kate and her dad hadn't thought much of it. Kate had dropped them off just after midnight. Alexis had seen it in her dad's face, how much he wanted to ask her if she'd changed her mind, but he hadn't said a word. He'd just hugged her tight, kissed her head and said 'goodnight'.

So Alexis had taken her thoughts upstairs and tried to make a decision.

No matter which way she looked at it, there was a part of her that didn't want to celebrate. But Jim's words about family and Kate's words about Christmas being up to her constantly made her re-consider. Christmas was about others and as much as she wanted one of those others to be her mother, she had to make a decision as to whether or not that was going to ruin her holiday.

And then the weirdest thing had happened. Alexis wasn't one to seriously believe in dreams telling her world secrets but this one…

It was a happy dream, one she knew wasn't a nightmare, but it was something she'd never seen before. It was the most clichéd thing she'd ever seen. But it was beautiful.

She and her dad and Kate were sitting around a beautifully lighted Christmas tree. There were brightly wrapped gifts and laughter. Her dad and Kate were leaning against the couch, one of his arms wrapped around Kate's shoulders and the other held a steaming cup of coffee. Kate leaned into his side, hands holding her mug tightly. Grams was curled on a corner of the couch, watching with a broad smile as Alexis tore into a gift.

And Meredith was nowhere to be found.

But the real kicker had been the warm fuzzy feeling that had lingered in her stomach when she'd woken.

So after considering the dream, considering the night before, and coming to a decision, she wandered downstairs.

"Morning Pumpkin," her dad greeted, turning with a smile and open arms.

Alexis went willingly into his arms. "Morning Dad."

He pulled away slightly, looking down at her. "You seem better this morning."

"I feel better," Alexis agreed. She tucked herself in close, hugging him tight.

"Much better," he said with a smile, wrapping his arms around his little girl.

"Dad?"

"Yes Pumpkin?"

She looked up with a smile. "Can we celebrate Christmas?"

* * *

"Beckett."

"She wants to celebrate Christmas."

Kate leaned back in her chair in the precinct with a smile. Sometimes all it took were some well-placed words from someone who understood. "Does she?"

"She came downstairs, looking and apparently feeling much better and told me she wanted to celebrate Christmas," Rick told her. "I don't know what your dad said, but…"

Kate's smile broadened. "He's a good sounding board."

"So, Detective. How do we celebrate Christmas?"

Kate smiled. "I have a few ideas…"

* * *

Alexis wasn't surprised when the knock on the door revealed Kate on the other side. Instead, she smiled. "Hey Kate."

"Alexis," she greeted with a smile, and released an oomph as Alexis hugged her tightly. It took her a moment, then she wrapped her arms back around the teenager.

The redhead pulled away. "Dad said we could go tree hunting."

"Did he now," Kate replied with a smile. It was moments like these that reminded Kate as much as Alexis was a mature teenager, she also had the same childish streak as her father.

"You know a good place, don't you, Kate?" Rick asked, drawing her attention to where he leaned against the office door. Unbeknownst to her, he'd been writing like crazy for the last couple of days. He'd seen an entirely different side of his detective over the last three weeks and he wanted a way to hold onto them, whether they ended up in Nikki Heat or not.

"I do," Kate responded with her own smile, wrapping an arm around Alexis' shoulder. She looked down at the teen. "I have the perfect place."

So they climbed into the car and even Alexis seemed giddy as they drove. Kate knew of a tree farm outside the city, and while it was an irritating drive, they made the best of it. Rick even smiled through the soft carols Kate turned on for Alexis in the back.

The tree farm was massive. Kate pulled into a parking spot excited to see Alexis climb quickly out of the car. Her eyes were wide and bright and Kate felt her stomach warm at the sight. She looked up as Rick's hand rested on her lower back. He looked just as awed as Alexis.

"Where do we even start?" he asked.

They all looked over at the sound of laughter and bells. Kate grinned widely as she reached out for Alexis. "There," she said nodding to the horse-drawn hayride. "It'll take us out to the far reaches of the farm. No one ever goes out that far."

"How is that a good thing?" Rick asked.

Alexis rolled her eyes, even as she gripped one of Kate's hands and one of her dad's. "Seriously? It means all the _good_ trees will be out there. Paige's family get's a tree every year and it's always massive. But she says they hunt for hours to find it."

"Hours?" Rick asked. "In this cold?"

"It's a big part of the holiday, Dad!" Alexis exclaimed. "Now come on!"

Kate allowed Rick to tug her arm through his as the rode out to the far reaches of the farm. Alexis jumped off the hayride and Rick followed. Then he turned back and grasped Kate's waist. She squeaked as he lifted her down of the ride and held on while she found her balance in the snow.

"Hey Dad! What about this one?"

"No," Kate said with a smile and a shake of her head. "You want a tree that doesn't have that huge hole there." She looked around, then waved Alexis over. "More like… this one."

Alexis nodded sagely. "Teach me, oh great Master."

Kate laughed and swung her arm around the teenager. "Well, the other thing you have to remember is no matter how tall the tree is, you have to leave room for the angel…"

. . . . .

They wandered for an hour.

Kate could see both Rick and Alexis flagging. They had fundamental disagreements on their tree. It seemed Rick wanted one that was shorter, where Alexis' trees would fit the loft much better, in Kate's opinion. It didn't make sense. But Kate knew she had to do something to pick up their spirits.

And as they walked ahead of her, she found the perfect idea.

Rick felt the impact on the back of his head and reached up. Wet. Cold. Snow! He turned to the woman following them. "Why Detective," he said, his voice amicable. "I do believe that was rather _childish_ of you."

Kate blinked at him innocently clasping her hands behind her back. "That can't be right. You're the over-grown child."

Rick leaned down, scooping up a handful of snow in his hand. Alexis automatically darted behind a nearby tree, but Rick paid her very little attention. His focus was on the woman watching him pack a snowball. "You've opened a dangerous can of worms."

"You think so?" she asked, then laughed brightly. "You're missing out on one thing, Rick. The boys and I have an annual snowball fight. Lanie and I against Ryan and Esposito. I'm pretty good."

"I have impeccable aim," he shot back as he packed the snowball. He jumped when one broke on his shoulder. "Alexis had better not have made that for you."

Kate laughed again. "I told you, I have practice."

And that was enough of a challenge. Thankfully, they were far enough out that Rick, Kate and Alexis – whom her father brought into the fight with a handful of snow he rubbed into her hair – were the only ones around.

Rick was just sneaking around a tree when he spotted Kate's red coat and white cap through the trees. He grinned. And pounced. She yelped as she tumbled to the snow, but they both laughed as she landed on her back, Rick just beside her, his arm around her waist. He grinned. And Kate leaned over as he did and let their lips meet.

He shifted, bracing himself over her head and deepened the kiss.

"Dad!"

He pulled away, looking down at her bright eyes and pink cheeks. He saw her swallow. Then he pushed himself up and held out his hands for her. They didn't speak as they found Alexis standing in front of a big, fat tree. Her blue eyes turned, shining brightly. "I found it."

* * *

"No, Dad, your _other_ left."

Rick huffed out a breath. "They offered to deliver! Why didn't we accept?"

"Because," Kate said with a grunt, carrying the bottom edge of the tree. "That would take away from the tradition."

"Our tradition can be getting the damned thing delivered," Rick groused. He'd eventually given into Alexis' choice – because it wasn't like he could really say no to her – and they'd made the quick stop to pick up the tree stand.

"No! Dad, the couch!"

"Ouch!"

"Everyone okay?"

"Just bruised. Kiss it better?"

"Ew! Dad!"

"Can we just get this tree up?"

"Kay, Kate you need to go right. We have to turn the tree around."

"Rick, you're not working _with_ me."

"What if we put the tree down and attached the stand?"

"We still have to get it over the table."

"The tree's almost there. Alexis, can you come help steady the end? Here, Rick, we'll lift together."

"Ready guys?"

"Whenever you are Pumpkin."

"One, two, three!"

It took some wrestling, and some grunting and groaning they managed to get the tree standing and straight. Alexis slid out from under the tree where she'd been securing the stand and scurried over to where Kate and Rick stood. Her smile was wide.

"Now we just need ornaments."

Rick wrapped his arm around her. "We'll do that tomorrow, Sweetie. I think we've had enough adventure for one day."

Kate smiled. "And that's my cue."

"You sure you don't want to stay for dinner, Kate?"

"I'm sure," Kate responded with a smile. She hugged Alexis, then Rick followed her towards the door. Alexis skipped off to the kitchen.

He stopped her with a hand on the door, then reached out and slipped a hand down her arm. "Come with us tomorrow."

It was a statement that warmed her insides and she glanced down shyly. "It should be time for you and Alexis."

"We want you there," he said, reaching out and grasping her hand this time. "We want you here."

Oh, that made it very difficult to even _consider_ saying 'no'. He looked so earnest and sincere. And it was just decorating…

"Okay." Someday soon she was going to figure out why she capitulated so easily to these personal requests. Then he smiled, and the answer was right in front of her. She smiled back as he stepped towards her. "I'll come by tomorrow afternoon and help you decorate the tree."

His brow wrinkled and the smile dropped a little. "But-"

Kate was already shaking her head. "This is like your first Christmas. I'll come decorate, but you and Alexis need to pick them out." She squeezed the hand she still held. "This is _your_ Christmas, Rick."

He opened his mouth, then closed it again, thinking better of what he was about to say. Instead, he leaned down and kissed her, swiftly and softly. "I'll see you tomorrow."

She licked her lips and stepped through the door he held out for her. She took a few steps then turned back. "Until tomorrow, Rick."

He watched her go with a seductive sway in her step, then turned back to the tree they'd wrestled into the living room.

Tomorrow.

He couldn't wait.

* * *

_And 20's down!_

_I've had some requests for the kitchen scenes from Jim "yesterday", and just FYI I am thinking about it. _

_Second, the hope is to have 21 done by tonight, so there's the serious potential for another post tonight. I think that makes us all happy. You get a double update, and I cross another chapter off my list!_

_I hope you enjoyed this!_


	21. Chapter 21

**December 21, 2010**

Rick eyed the Target in front of him with trepidation. Why hadn't he bothered Kate to come again? Why had he just let her slip away? This was _the most _overwhelming thing he'd ever faced. And he'd had a gun held to his back. _And_ he'd been faced with the potential of Kate never talking to him. Again.

"Are you sure we have to do this?" he asked his little redheaded companion. "Are you sure you want to do this?"

"Well, we need ornaments, right?" Alexis asked, but there was trepidation in her voice too. "So… we have to."

"Right before Christmas?"

"We did kind of eave it last minute."

"That was a bad idea."

"It's kind of my fault."

"No more than it is my fault."

Alexis sighed. "We should just… do it. In and out."

"Nothing fancy," Rick agreed.

"No themes."

"And no birds."

"Birds?" Alexis asked.

Rick shook his head. "Don't ask. Pigeons."

Alexis nodded tersely. "Right."

He sucked in a breath. "Phones?"

Alexis held hers up. "Check."

"Wallet?"

She rolled her eyes. "You tell me, Dad."

He held it up.

"Check."

"Alright, Lieutenant, here's the plan. Get in, get decorations, get out."

"Aye, aye."

"And whatever you do, come out _alive_."

* * *

Kate smiled at the little bell that rang as she stepped into the little shop, Lanie by her side. She'd called the ME early that morning, pulling Lanie out of bed long before her best friend had wanted to be awake. But the minute Kate had mentioned Rick, Alexis and the tree decorating, Lanie had been completely willing to come along.

"Why are we doing this again?" Lanie asked.

Kate shot her an exasperated look. "Again? Lanie, you've been asking me that since I picked you up."

"I just want to make sure I understand," the ME said innocently.

"I want to pick up a few things."

"A few things."

Kate blew out a breath and finally gave in. "It's their first Christmas. I want to give them something to really remember it by."

Lanie grinned. "Remember it by?"

"They're out getting decorations today," Kate elaborated as she took in the store. It was her favourite Christmas store, her favourite place to drop by if she needed something for the holidays. When she'd decided to pick up something for each of the Castles to celebrate their first Christmas, there was nowhere else she could think to go. "I figured the least I could do was get them something special."

"You have something particular in mind."

"Katherine!"

Kate rolled her eyes, but slid into the arms of the woman who stepped out from behind the counter. "Hi Abby."

"How are you darling?"

Kate smiled. "I'm really good," she said sincerely. "Abby, this is Lanie. We work together."

"Ah yes," the old woman replied, pulling Lanie into a warm hug the same way she had Kate. "It is an absolute pleasure to meet you. I have heard so much about you."

"All good?" Lanie asked with a smile.

Abby flashed her a grin. "Mostly."

Abby Peraboo was well into her sixties, greying and wrinkled, but warm. She had been Johanna's best friend and was Kate's godmother. Abby had always been more obsessed with Christmas than Johanna and together, they'd made so much of Kate's Christmases utterly magical. But she had a sassy side, and it was the sassy side that kept Kate coming by every year.

"But my bet is that this isn't a social call," Abby said wisely.

"No," Kate admitted. "It's not." She sucked in a deep breath. "Abby, I need your help."

"My help?" Abby asked. "Whatever for?"

Kate looked at the ground. "Do you know Richard Castle?"

"Well, of course, Dear. Both of him and of his connection to you. Why do you ask?"

"He and his daughter don't celebrate Christmas," Kate revealed.

Abby gasped. "They _don't_?"

"No. They've… had some rough times."

"Well, so have you and I and we still celebrate," Abby reminded her. "Are we throwing a surprise Christmas?"

"No," Kate laughed. "I just…"

Abby's eyes lit up. "The stockings."

"The what now?" Lanie piped up for the first time.

"A week and a half ago, I got a call from my favourite goddaughter," Abby began, turning and heading back behind the counter. "You see, for the very discerning customer, I embroider stockings. Special orders. Well, imagine my surprise when she asks if I have the time to fit two more into her schedule."

Kate blushed.

Lanie grinned.

"They must be very special people for you to be ordering embroidered stockings, Katherine."

Lanie was never going to let her live this down. "They are, Abby," she said. She looked down, then back up. "They met Dad."

"Whoa," Lanie interrupted. "You never told me that juicy tidbit."

Kate ploughed on. If she was going to have Lanie nagging her about what it all meant, she figured it was better to get it done in one go. "I made gingerbread with his daughter, Alexis. Mom's recipe."

When Kate looked up, Abby had tears in her eyes. "You shared Johanna's recipe?"

"Alexis… she's a good kid, Abby," Kate said.

"The best," Lanie chipped in. "Seriously."

"This is the first time they're celebrating Christmas in years. I was hoping you'd have ornaments that they could add to their tree?"

Abby took Kate's hand as if she was seeing the detective for the first time. She could see something in her goddaughter's eyes, lingering there, behind the care and concern. It warmed her heart.

"I have just the thing."

* * *

Later that afternoon, Kate knocked on the door of the Castle loft her hands full of wrapped gifts. She'd debated for _hours_ as to whether or not she was going to wrap them up. But, if she wanted to get the two of them into the Christmas spirit, she decided it had to involve presents. She knocked.

"Kate!" Rick all but spun her into the loft and she found herself gripping his arms as he swung her around.

"Hello to you too," she said breathless when he let her go.

"Next time I go shopping for decorations, you are coming with me. Us," he amended at his daughter's slight glare. "It was _crazy_."

"I thought you liked crazy."

"Not that type of crazy," he said with wide eyes.

Kate wasn't surprised to see the decorations spread out in front of her, but all of them tree-focused. And, there were no carols. It wasn't going to be tree decorating like she was used to, but it would be a tree decorating party nonetheless. So she smiled.

"It looks like you bought out the store."

"Nowhere close," Alexis spoke up in obvious exasperation. "It was _terrible_."

Kate settled on the arm of the couch, settling the gift bags she carried on the cushion at her hip. "It's close to Christmas," she reasoned. "It's bound to be insane."

"You should have come!" Rick exclaimed. "You could have told us."

"You left it to the last minute," Kate laughed.

Then Rick caught sight of the bags. He eyed her. "Detective? Are those Christmas bags I see?"

Kate blushed. "Well, yes. And… I could have gone with more generic bags but…"

"Presents?" Alexis asked, coming to stand next to her father. "To go under the tree?"

"I, um… I was actually thinking you could… open them now," Kate said slowly.

"Now?" Alexis asked, her eyes bright.

"Yeah," Kate replied quietly. "Now."

"Kate, you didn't have to," Rick said as he sat on the couch.

Kate slid to the cushions and handed one of the bags over to Alexis. "I know."

And that said more than any other words could. It spoke of how important the holiday was, and how much it meant to her that she could share it with them.

Alexis pulled the tissue paper out of the bag and reached in. Her hand grasped fabric and she pulled it out. She gasped, spreading the stocking out over her lap. She ran a hand over the soft red velvet, then traced a finger of the green embroidery.

"Kate," she breathed.

Kate watched as Rick pulled out a similar stocking, this one green with red trim and white embroidery. "Did you make these?"

"No," Kate admitted. "My godmother did."

Rick looked at her with that gaze that told her he knew more than he was letting on. Like he knew the lengths she'd gone to for them this Christmas. Like he knew she was giving herself every time she extended a gift. He reached into the bag again and pulled out a square box. He broke the tape and opened the lid…

And chuckled.

Inside was a little toy train on a string. An ornament. He grinned. "How very fitting."

"I thought so," Kate agreed with a smirk. Then her full attention turned to Alexis.

The redhead pulled out a sparkling, delicate snowflake. "Oh my God."

Kate chewed her lip. "Do you like it?"

"It's beautiful," Alexis whispered. She set it gingerly on the coffee table and virtually attacked Kate, pulling her into a tight hug. Then she bounced to the tree and very carefully placed the ornament on one of the branches.

Rick took a different strategy. He set the ornament on the table and came around the couch. With his hand tucked under Kate's chin, he lifted her face until he could kiss her. Kate fell into it, her hand coming up to rest just above his heart. It was sweet instead of passionate and Kate sighed mentally at the pleasure of it.

Even so…

"We really have to stop doing that," she murmured when they pulled away.

"I don't want to," Rick replied, leaning his forehead against hers. "I don't plan to."

"Rick-"

He silenced her by kissing her, slowly, thoroughly, until Alexis cleared her throat.

"You know, this tree won't decorate itself."

. . . . .

Later that night, Kate sat on the couch beside Rick, paying more attention to the Christmas tree than to the movie they'd put in. It made her warm inside to see the Castles' Christmas coming together. The stockings hung nearby and Alexis' snowflake glittered in the light. Rick's train hung near the top, one of the few places he could reach and neither Kate nor could Alexis.

It had been a good day.

It had been a better-than-good day.

"Rick?"

He looked over, Alexis asleep on his other shoulder. "Kate."

"I want you to come to the charity dinner with me."

He didn't have to ask which charity dinner. He'd wrapped presents with her, presents that were going to the children for the charity. He'd pushed at her, poked at her, and yet, like he knew, leaving her alone was more effective.

"Do I need to bring anything?"

Kate smiled. Wide. "No, just you. It is formal though."

"I'm told I look good in a tux."

He did. She knew that. First hand. But she was going to try and trample down the blush. "I'll pick you up."

"Oh no, Detective. I'll pick you up."

"It's not a date, Castle."

He shook in silent chuckle at her habit of reverting back to his last name. "That doesn't mean I can't pick you up. Will seven work for you?"

"I can drive."

"That's illogical."

"It is not. I have my own car."

"You hate driving in New York if you don't have to."

"I'm a cop, I always have to drive."

"Which is why I know you hate it. Plus, your heat's broken."

Oh. She'd forgotten that. "Fine. No limos. At all."

"Fine."

But Rick couldn't stop the wide grin. He'd gotten his invite to the charity gala.

And he was very much looking forward to it.


	22. Chapter 22

**December 22, 2010**

"We kissed."

Lanie almost spat coffee out of her mouth. "You _whatnow?_"

Kate sighed, cupping her hands around her mug. "Multiple times."

"You don't sound as excited about it as I expected you to be," Lanie said after watching her best friend for a moment.

Kate's fingers fiddled with the handle of her cup. "I don't know what I feel."

"You sure 'bout that?"

"No," Kate admitted. "Not at all."

"You're not sure? Or you're not sure that you're not sure?" The ME rolled her eyes when Kate continued to stare at her coffee. "Want to know what I think?"

"Not really," Kate replied, flashing her best friend a smile to soften the sting.

"I think you've already told the world just how you feel."

"I'm sorry?" Kate sputtered.

Lanie rolled her eyes. "Oh come on, Girl. You put your entire life aside for twenty-five days to make sure he and his daughter have Christmas. You want to give me an honest answer as to _why_ you've decided to do it?"

"Lanie, we've been over this a million times," Kate said in exasperation. "They've never had Christmas. I want them to have Christmas. It's simple like that."

"Kate. Come on."

"There's no other reason."

"You live in some crazy world of denial, hon," Lanie argued. "Not just anyone is going to put aside their entire holiday schedule and go completely out of her way to make sure that they're happy."

"You'd do it for any friend."

"That's the thing, Kate. You wouldn't." Lanie leaned forward. "You're private. And yet, you've shared more about your mother with the Castles than you've shared with anyone. Including me. And you're going to sit there and tell me that you're okay with that?"

"Of course I'm not okay with it, but I didn't get a choice."

"I'm sorry, you what now?"Lanie asked. "You always have a choice. You've always made it a choice. And you chose to share it with Rick Castle and his, admittedly adorable, daughter."

"Alexis was upset because Meredith canceled. What else was I supposed to do?"

"Which, is my point exactly," Lanie said on a sigh. "Castle knows more about you than you realize. You share your mom with them because your mom's important and because _they're_ important. You've kissed the man, and not under duress and from the sounds of it there was no mistletoe involved."

Kate ran a hand through her hair. "Why are you pushing this?"

"Because I'm sick of you living in denial when it comes to Castle," Lanie replied in obvious exasperation. "I'm trying to get you to see that what you're doing here? Well you're gonna have to make a decision, Girl, 'cause if you don't want him, you're passin' him and his family the wrong message."

"Lanie, it's just Christmas."

The ME reached out and placed her hands on Kate's. "Honey, it stopped being _just_ Christmas when you told them about your mom. You know it. So now you have to think about what you're going to do when the holiday is over and you're faced with everything going back to normal."

"That's exactly what'll happen," Kate assured her best friend. "Everything will go back to normal."

"What normal, Kate?" Lanie argued, her exasperation finally loud in her voice. "The old normal, where you guys pretended you weren't attracted to each other? The new normal where you and Castle are makin' out in the precinct?" She held up a hand when Kate would have protested. "My point is you're going to have to think about that. What do you honestly want, Kate?"

Kate was silent for a moment, then huffed out a sigh. "I don't know, Lanie. I really don't know."

* * *

Alexis sat on the couch, _Miracle on 34__th__ Street_ playing on the massive television in front of her, thinking.

"Hey Pumpkin."

She jumped. Her dad chuckled.

"Looks like the TV was watching you." He sat down. "Is something wrong?"

Alexis chewed her lip slightly. Admittedly, it wasn't exactly wrong just… something that was kind of bothering her. And even then, bothering wasn't exactly the right word. Because… well, if it was _something_ instead of nothing, she couldn't exactly fault her dad, but if it was _something_ then it meant something and she wasn't sure how she felt about that and-

"Alexis?" Her dad was worried. She could tell. "What's going on?"

So, Alexis sucked in a deep breath. "You kissed Kate yesterday."

He stiffened. He'd been wrapped up in the thoughtfulness of Kate's gift and though he'd known Alexis was there, he'd become so used to kissing his detective that he'd kind of forgotten he hadn't talked to Alexis. "I did."

Alexis turned to face him. "What does it mean?"

Rick considered his daughter for a moment, trying to decide what to tell her. "I don't know," he finally said, completely honest.

"Oh, come on Dad."

"We haven't talked about it," he told her. "We haven't discussed it, we've barely acknowledged it."

"So that wasn't your first kiss?"

"No," Rick confessed.

"And you haven't talked about it."

"No."

Alexis paused. She'd been stunned to turn around to see her father kissing Kate, but it wasn't like it was a surprise. She'd taken for granted that it would happen eventually. The way her father reacted to Kate, the way the detective had thrown herself so completely into making Christmas special… it spoke of something more than just partners. Alexis was a teenager, but she wasn't blind. "Why not?"

Rick sighed. "Because Kate's different."

"Dad," the redhead admonished.

"No, I don't mean… I mean I'm not exactly sure what to do. She's not impressed by wealth, by sparkles, by the extremes I tend to go to. I'm not sure I know how to do simple." It was his turn to take a moment. "I'm not sure I remember how to do real."

"Dad," Alexis said, rolling her eyes. "You do 'real' every day."

He looked at her in confusion and curiosity.

"I mean…" she backtracked slightly. "Sure, you like to overindulge sometimes, and I know that we're not exactly _in need_ of anything but… you make me breakfast in the morning. You make sure I go to school, that I get my homework done, and you don't pressure me to tell you things. You let me make my own decisions, even if you don't like the decision I make.

"We have movie nights, and fajita nights, and we cook together because we can." She laughed slightly. "You're celebrating _Christmas_ and I know how much you hate it."

"So do you," he accused.

She shrugged. "Not really. I mean, I hate that Mom won't come, but I've done Christmas before. The girls and I exchange gifts in front of Paige's Christmas tree."

"You've _celebrated Christmas_?"

Alexis waved her hand in dismissal. "Look, the point is that it's important to you because it's important to her. And that's real."

Rick leaned back against the couch. "I still don't know if it means anything. You know how much she likes Christmas. Maybe it's just… part of the spirit."

Alexis watched her father carefully. He was actually insecure about it. "You sure there's nothing already going on, Dad?"

"Sweetpea, I've told you as much as I know."

Alexis fiddled with a thread on her t-shirt. "Do you want it to be something?"

"You know I wouldn't mind it being something," Rick admitted. "I don't… I don't know what that'll mean and I'm not sure she'll agree-"

"Dad, she was kissing you back," Alexis interrupted. "I don't think agreement will be a problem."

"It's that kind of a holiday, Pumpkin. Who knows what she'll feel like when the holiday's over."

Alexis pondered for a moment. Would she honestly mind if her dad found someone? Especially someone like Kate, who had gone out of her way to make sure both of them wanted to celebrate Christmas? Well, how could she argue with that? Kate kept her father on her toes and Kate genuinely liked the woman. It had only been solidified by how Kate had opened up about her mother. Alexis was touched that Kate felt she could share that much information with her about a subject that was quite obviously difficult.

That, and she wasn't used to her father being so worried about a woman's opinion.

"Do you really think she would say no?"

"I can't guarantee she's going to say yes."

"That's never stopped you before."

"She's never mattered so much before." He met his daughter's eyes. "What do you think?"

"I think I wouldn't be offended if you decided that you wanted to kiss Kate more often," Alexis said finally, hours of thinking finally leading her to the conclusion. Then she wrinkled her nose. "Well, that's not totally true. Because it was kind of… gross to see my dad kissing a woman in front of me, but-"

"I get it," Rick laughed.

Alexis imitated shiver.

"But you liked the idea?"

"Nothing past tense, Dad. I like her. I like the idea." She shrugged. "And hey, I need someone to make sure you're staying in line. I can't be here forever."

"Oh, now I don't even think about that."

* * *

_See, the problem with "reflection" chapters, is they always end up so short. But, this did need to be addressed. Very much so. So now we did!_

_Which, if you guys are counting, means tomorrow is the charity gala, then Christmas Eve, in which we're going to see the rest of the gang and maybe a Lanie-Esposito side-kiss but definitely some mistletoe. Then, it's Christmas day!_

_I'm hoping to get the 23rd up tonight. It's going to be tight over the next couple days. _

_Cross your fingers and review!_

_PS: Know how awesome you guys are? I can tell you. Really easily. This is my first story that has over 700 reviews. Which means it's also my highest reviewed story. THAT is how awesome you guys are!  
_


	23. Chapter 23

**December 23, 2010**

Kate nervously slid her hands down the front of her dress, the gauzy overlay slightly rough under her fingers. God, she was anxious. Really anxious. Still, she forced herself to reach out and knock on the door to the loft. Rick opened, and she actually had to resist putting her hand to her stomach as the butterflies erupted.

He looked fantastic in a tux.

"Well, Detective."

She blushed under the appreciation in his voice. Her dress was black, though with the overlay looked grey. Rhinestones drew a line down her cleavage while the fabric across her breasts sparkled. The dress was tied with a string around her neck. Her hair was curled into a bun at the base of her neck. She fidgeted under his gaze.

"Come in?"

"We should get going," Kate responded quietly. Lanie's words still bounced in her head. She knew she had to make a decision, but it made everything with Rick so different.

He chuckled. "I actually need your help."

"My help?" Kate asked, finally stepping over the threshold.

Two bags sat in front of his coffee table and Kate found her eyebrow arching upwards. "What did you do?"

"Well, technically I haven't done it yet," he said with a smile and a boyish shrug. "I can't go empty handed."

Kate shook her head in awe. "Rick, these are _big_ bags."

"I have a bigger bank account than most," he replied. "The least I can do is donate some of it."

"You didn't have to," she said quietly.

"Kate, I _wanted_ to," Rick told her, hands sliding down her arms to take her hands. "This is important to you. I know this is important to you and now I feel like I'm giving to it. I don't mind giving a few gifts."

"This is more than a few."

"Kate. Accept it. It's for charity." Then he threw in the final card. "For Johanna."

The blur was immediate, but Kate was surprised to find a brief brush of his thumb over her hand had it receding faster than normal. "We're going to be late," she whispered.

"Then by all means." He hefted one of the bags. "Who am I to resist an offer like that?"

* * *

Rick got an blessed opportunity when they stepped into the ballroom. Well, it was a community center gym, but the charity had managed to transform the place into a winter wonderland. But the honour was watching Kate as she flitted around the room.

He wasn't used to his detective as a social butterfly and he definitely wasn't used to how easily she talked to people. The few events of his she'd attended, she'd been awkward and stiff. But here, in amongst the people who seemed both highly sophisticated and too casual, Kate seemed perfectly at home. For the first time since he became a best-selling offer, he slid into the background.

And he definitely didn't mind.

He liked the different sides of the Beckett onion he'd been exposed to over the year. Heck, over the last month. He'd seen so much of Kate in the last twenty-plus days, so many new sides and different reactions, and it did nothing but solidify what he already knew: his muse was extraordinary.

And it was that reason she was his muse. She kept him on his toes, nothing with her seemed to ever be predictable, but most of all, as she was proving tonight, she had a heart of gold. She even slipped off her heels for a cheering crowd of kids for a very carefully-played game of Twister.

If he hadn't been stuck on her before, the night would have sealed it.

He'd stepped away to go to the bathroom, long after the dinner and the gift-opening had passed and dancing had started. Kate's attention had been on everyone else for the night and while he didn't really mind that, he wanted some time with her too. And he had just the place.

Still, Rick paused a moment when he caught sight of her, chatting away to a woman with a little girl on her lap. He'd only had one other glimpse of Kate with kids, and that had been little Angela. And if he didn't know better he'd say the curly-haired brunette was Kate's own.

"Well hello!"

Rick smiled brightly, coming up and resting his hands on Kate's shoulders, unable to resist. "Good evening." His gaze moved to the girl's. "And who is this?"

"This is Carrie," Kate answered with a smile, bouncing the smiling girl. "She's…" The detective put on a confused face. "How old are you, again, Carrie?"

In the most adorable thing he'd seen since Alexis was that age, the little girl shyly held up a spread hand.

Rick gasped. "You're _five_? That's like high school!"

"No!" the little girl giggled. "I'm still too little!"

All the adults laughed. Kate bounced the five-year-old on her knee. "Why don't you show my friend Rick what Santa brought you?"

"Actually, Sweetheart, why don't you show me that after I take Miss Kate here out for a swing on the dance floor?"

Carrie looked to the other woman, whom Rick presumed was her mother. Then she wiggled off Kate's lap.

"But you gotta bring her back," Carrie said seriously as Rick reached out, holding his hand for Kate. The detective looked at it for a moment, before finally accepting and allowing him to pull her up. They walked hand in hand to the dance floor where he wrapped his arm around her waist.

"You, are utterly breathtaking tonight," he whispered in her ear as they started to sway.

Kate smiled shyly as he fit her into his arms. She went willingly, wrapping an arm around his neck. The other settled on his chest, their hands tangled.

"Thank you," she murmured in response. "I guess you meet the ruggedly handsome description tonight."

"Rugged? Tonight? And here I was going for polished."

Kate didn't reply

He sighed. "Kate, what are we doing?"

Kate shifted, tucking her head more firmly into Rick's neck. "I don't know," she replied.

"I think you do," he responded, resting his cheek against her hair. "I think you know exactly what's going on."

"Rick, don't push it. Please," Kate begged. "I just… I want to celebrate Christmas."

"I do too," he replied, turning so his lips rested against her hair instead. "But I want to make sure I celebrate with you."

"And you will," Kate promised. "Of course you will."

Rick sighed and slipped his hand around her neck so he could pull her back. He wanted to face her head on. "We both know that this isn't about Christmas."

"How?" she hissed, then forced herself to take a deep breath. "How do you know it's not about Christmas?"

He released her hand, brushing a hair off her cheek before holding hers splayed open on his chest. "Because I know you."

It was a simple answer that made Kate swallow thickly and she rested her head back on his shoulder to avoid the intensity of his gaze.

"I don't think those kisses meant nothing, Kate. I don't want them to mean nothing. I want them to be a step forward. I want to do that more often."

"You mentioned that last part," she said softly.

"Christmas is important to you and that's what's made it important to me."

Kate tucked herself closer at that admission.

Rick's hand stroked down her back. "I'll understand if you're not ready. But Kate, I've always been serious about you. I flirty, I goof, I play, but at the heart? I don't care about your mother when it comes to Nikki Heat, I care about _you_. And _you_ are the person I want to kiss in the future."

"Rick," she finally said. "I don't know what you want from me."

He closed his eyes. He didn't want to push her, but he wanted to know. He wanted something.

"I want you to tell me that… that the things we've shared… it's more than just holiday magic."

There was a pregnant pause then Kate leaned up, her mouth close to his ear. "You know, I don't really believe in magic."

He was about to answer her, to tell her that it was a sad state of affairs that Kate didn't believe in magic, until he caught what she was saying. Not even Christmas could make her believe in magic. He sucked in a deep breath as his hand stroked down her back to rest just above the swell of her backside.

"Kate?"

"Mmhmm."

"Can I kiss you again?"

It took a moment, then her head tilted back. He took that as invitation and leaned down to press his lips to hers. As he kissed her on the dance floor in the middle of a charity gala, Rick came to a decision.

The rest?

What she wanted?

What he wanted?

… It could wait.

* * *

_1) Both this and the last chapter are completely un-betaed and un-edited_

_2) I'm technically caught up!_

_3) To those of you who celebrate on Christmas Eve, Merry Christmas!_

_4) And arguably most important, I do hope you enjoyed._


	24. Chapter 24

**December 24, 2010**

Rick looked around the homicide bullpen with a wide grin. He didn't love Christmas, by any means, but a party? Well, he could get behind that. Especially when he was partying with the often over-worked and under-appreciated detectives of the Twelfth. Especially when there was food, laughter and, admittedly, even mistletoe.

Especially when Kate was there, wearing a festive red dress. They hadn't come to the party together, but it hadn't been difficult to spot her amongst the other officers. Even with the holiday season, the red stood out in the crowd. The v-neckline cradled her mother's ring, on display this time for all to see. The bodice hugged her waist before flaring at the hips and she'd paired the dress with a pair of black pumps that made her legs look a mile long.

Rick grinned as he made his way over unable to stop himself from sliding an arm around her waist. Lanie, standing across from the detective, raised an eyebrow and Rick could tell she was waiting for Kate's reaction.

Kate just looked up with a surprisingly wide smile. "Hey."

"Merry Christmas," he said and kissed her cheek.

Lanie choked on her drink.

"Merry Christmas," Kate replied quietly, before turning back to her best friend.

The ME shook her head. "You seriously think I'm blind, Girl? You tell me nothing's going on…"

"Doctor Parish."

Lanie stopped mid-sentence to turn to the Hispanic man coming up beside her. "Detective Esposito."

Esposito didn't know it yet, but Kate was going to find time to go pick him up something extra for distracting the ME. She still wasn't sure what she wanted to do about Rick. After her chat with Lanie and the charity gala last night, Kate had been up thinking. What _did_ she want? Was it Rick? Her head argued against it. When it came to matters of the heart, he wasn't dependable. She wasn't sure she could believe that he wouldn't walk away from her once he'd had her. She wasn't stupid enough to think that him being around for a year meant he was just chasing her to bed her – though she was quite fond of living in denial about it – but that didn't mean he'd passed some sort of loyalty test.

She was complicated, and Kate was the first person to admit that. She worked a difficult job; she had a past with an alcoholic father and a murdered mother. She was intensely private, incredibly protective of herself and very careful with how she projected herself. She made sure people saw what she wanted them to, and nothing else.

And yet, Rick had seen her cry more than once over the holidays. He'd been at her mother's grave. He'd been at her father's with her for their version of Christmas dinner. She'd shared some of her most treasured traditions with him and he'd gone out of his way to cheer her up when things got difficult. She'd shown him a different side of herself deliberately and with a purpose in mind. And it was the part that she protected with the security of Fort Knox.

"Kate?"

She snapped out of her thoughts with her name and the quick squeeze of her hand. She smiled up at Rick. "Sorry. Zoned out."

"Everything okay?" Kate didn't zone out. She was focused, intense. If she lost track of a conversation it had more to do with a case.

"Yeah," she replied with an easy smile. She was happy. Content. Not just because she was standing with Rick or anything along that cliché, but because Christmas was turning out differently. She felt different. She felt like she'd opened up a Pandora's Box she didn't want to close, even though her head told her it would be the better idea.

"You sure?" he asked, obviously concerned.

"Yeah, I'm sure," Kate replied. "There's just a lot on my mind."

That much was true, she just hoped he assumed the 'a lot' was more about the things she had to do for Christmas than about them. Because she wasn't ready to discuss a 'them'. She wasn't sure she wanted a 'them' beyond their working partnership.

"Well," he gloated. "That 'a lot' helped you to miss a very interesting development in the life of your best friend."

The cheer that erupted beside them. Kate caught on quickly though, partially because Rick gasped and squeezed her hand.

She grinned up at him. "That development?"

Because Lanie and Esposito had been caught under the mistletoe and the kiss they were currently sharing was definitely more than platonic.

"Well now they've ruined my bragging rights!" Rick huffed, then leaned down so his next words were said almost directly in her ear. "We should do that."

Kate hummed slightly, unfazed. They were off to the side, Lanie's work since the ME had been seconds from all but tearing into Kate about the holidays, and away from the hustle, not to mention Lanie and Esposito's accidental show. "Do what?"

"Kiss," Rick responded. "Under the mistletoe."

Kate thought for a moment, trying to decide between the precinct-appropriate remark and the one she knew would make his jaw drop. A mischievous smile spread over her face. She stepped in front of him and made a show of fixing his shirt. "Well, we can't break traditions, can we?"

Rick's jaw dropped and she offered him a playful wave in response before weaving off through the crowd to interrogate her best friend.

. . . . .

They were hours into the party, and Rick and Kate had flitted in and out of each other's eyesight and conversations. Kate had to admit, she was having a good time. She was laughing, dancing, talking and forgetting about the painful parts Christmas often offered her. She liked the precinct Christmas party. It offered those who were working a place to escape and celebrate for a little while. The bullpens exchanged who hosted every year, and the alcohol was always surprisingly minimal, but it let them relax, take a break, and pretend, even if it was just for a few minutes, that it was all that mattered in the world.

The lack of alcohol did mean that the breakroom had become almost a buffet, including an almost regular use of both the actual and the state-of-the-art coffee machines. That was where Kate was when Rick caught up to her again.

"A word, Detective?" He'd made up his mind, come to a decision, and now… well Kate didn't know it yet, but she was staying with him tonight.

"Of course," she replied with a smile and followed him down one of the back corridors. When he stopped, he turned to face her, taking both of her hands in his.

"Come home with me tonight."

"What?" Kate sputtered immediately.

Her thought process was obvious. "No!" he exclaimed with a laugh. "Not… no. Not until we've come to a decision about us just… come home with me tonight. To sleep. We have a guest room."

Kate tried to laugh it off, despite the blush rising in her cheeks. She couldn't help the fantasies that flitted through her head any more than she could tamp down the blush.

"Alexis and I want you to spend Christmas with us and since we get up so early… It just makes sense for you to be there with us," Rick said, his thumb stroking over her hand. "It wouldn't be the same without you there, so please don't tell me you have other plans."

Sometimes, even when he wasn't trying he was utterly adorable. Kate bit down on her lip, both because the offer made her a bit nervous and because the pleading look in his eyes made her want to laugh.

"I'll even make you coffee and breakfast," he cajoled, unable to stop himself from cupping her cheek and shifting his hold. One arm wrapped around her back and she pulled her closer.

She went willingly after a quick glance around, stepping into his body heat. "Coffee and breakfast seems like a pretty good idea to me," she murmured. "But there is one condition."

"Name it," he responded as he close just a little more distance between them.

She pressed a kiss to his mouth, so quick that he made an indignant sound that made her grin. "No funny business."

He almost pouted as she stepped away. "But Kate-"

"Take it or leave it," she interrupted. She wasn't ready to sleep with him. Hell she wasn't even sure she was ready for a relationship. It had to be this way, even if her heart was hammering in her chest and her pulse was thrumming loudly in her ears. She was giving him Christmas, she reminded herself, that was all. It was all she could allow. It was all she was sure she was ready for.

"I'll take it," he answered with a disarming smile.

"Kate! There you are!"

Lanie's voice startled them. They jumped apart, standing close, but not as intimately entwined as they were before. She was getting too comfortable with that.

"Oh!" A smirk blossomed over the ME's face. "Huh. You know, you guys are standing under quite the sprig there."

Kate and Rick tipped their heads back and Rick was grinning when they met each other's gaze again. "It is tradition."

"And I know for a fact tradition is important to you," Lanie agreed.

The detective let out a long-suffering sigh, just in case. She wouldn't mind kissing him, she'd already done it more than once over the last month, but that didn't mean Lanie had to know she enjoyed it. Well, that, and Lanie's words had drawn the attention of some of the officer's milling about and they definitely didn't need to know what was going on.

Still, she let Rick pull her in and press his mouth to hers.

* * *

When they were back at Rick's loft later that night, Kate having settled in the guest bedroom after Rick's driver made a stop at her apartment, Kate knocked tentatively on Rick's bedroom door. She knew he'd gone to bed because they'd climbed the stairs at the same time.

"Come in!"

She opened the door and leaned against the frame. He was lounging in bed, his arms behind his head, looking up at the ceiling. He grinned though when he met her gaze. "Change your mind about the funny business?"

Kate shook her head. "No." She paused, then ploughed on. "I need a candle."

"A candle?"

Kate fiddled absently with a thread that had come loose in the t-shirt he'd let her borrow. "There's one more tradition."

He was out of bed in an instant and Kate was glad to see he'd paired his own t-shirt with some sort of lounge pant. "What tradition?"

"It's kind of one I need to do on my own."

He watched her for a minute, gauging her mood, deciding what to do. There must have been something in her gaze, because he finally just brushed past her. She followed him to the kitchen where he dug up a red pillar candle and a box of matches. Then he paused.

"Are you sure?"

She knew he was asking if she was sure she didn't want to share. Kate settled a gentle hand on his arm and squeezed slightly. "I'm sure. This one… it's just for me."

_Well, it's a little white lie_, she admitted to herself as he climbed the stairs again. She followed a moment later, and knocked on the door to Alexis' room. They hadn't returned too late from the party at the precinct so she wasn't surprised that the soft knock had simply pulled the teen out of whatever she was doing instead of waking her.

"Kate!"

Kate immediately held a finger to her lips. She didn't want Rick to know she was sharing this. She just wasn't ready to share it with him. There was too much at stake with him, too many things that she had to think about and she was starting to wonder if she'd let him in too far already. Alexis, however, she had no qualms about. Maybe it was because the teenager had her own abandonment issues, maybe it was because Kate saw herself reflected in Alexis, but whatever the reason, Kate wanted to share this last and important tradition with her.

"There's one last tradition," Kate said quietly. Then she swallowed. "I was hoping you'd come with me?"

Alexis looked curious, but followed Kate back to the living room. Kate bypassed all of the furniture, picking up the candle on her way by and setting it on the windowsill. Then she sucked in a deep breath before turning to Alexis.

"Every year, my mom, my dad and I would light candles in the window for everyone who couldn't be with us that year. We usually lit one candle for each person, but I thought since I know I'm lighting it for my mom, I'd see if… If maybe you wanted to just share."

Alexis' eyes widened, as if she sensed how deep this particular tradition went and how emotional this was. The Christmas season had been an emotional roller coaster, but even Alexis knew that it would have been a lot worse if it wasn't for Kate. And she was honoured, not only that Kate had opened herself up about her mom when Alexis needed to hear it most, but also because she was willing to share this particular tradition, above all others.

"Yeah," Alexis whispered. "I'd like that."

So while Kate held the candle, Alexis lit the wick before Kate placed it back on the windowsill. Then she wrapped an arm around Alexis.

"My mom always used to say that love is patient love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

"For a while, after she was killed, I couldn't celebrate. And then… then it got easier. I started thinking about Christmas as less of a holiday and more of an opportunity. It wasn't about me, it was about everything else, and even though my mom wasn't there for me… I knew it was important to share Christmas. So when you came to me, told me about your dad and told me about what you wanted to do… I couldn't say no."

Alexis rested her head on Kate's shoulder, tucking herself in close to the detective's body and wrapping her arms around Kate.

"I just hope it worked out."

They drifted into silence for a moment.

"You know, I caught my dad wrapping a present today?"

Kate looked down at Alexis. "I'm sorry?"

"Honest to goodness wrapping a present. In Christmas paper. We have a Christmas tree in our house and maybe it's not perfect, maybe we have a few more years before we even think about decorating the apartment but Kate… Everything you've done? It's more than I'd expected. It's more than I could have asked for."

"It was my pleasure," Kate reassured Alexis. "My absolute pleasure."

"And… It felt like I had a mom here. Not my biological mom, but… someone I could bake with, go Christmas shopping with. Someone I could count on through the season. And I know it's hard for you to talk about your mom and yet… you did because I didn't know what to do." Alexis shrugged. "Thank you doesn't even start to cover how much this Christmas means, not just to me, but to my dad. And the only person we have to thank is you."

Kate wanted to protest, wanted to argue that they had to be willing to think about Christmas differently, that she was just a catalyst, but as she saw the candle flame flickering in the light, she just let it go. There would be time to argue about impact and results later, time to give credit where Kate thought it was due. For now, it was Christmas and Kate and Alexis stood there, arms wrapped around each other, each thinking of different people to be thankful for, regardless of those who were missing.

* * *

_For those of you who read His Christmas Wish last year, you may recognize the verse. It's my new favourite, from 1 Corinthians 13. And the candle thing isn't mine either, technically. I also used it last year but it's such a beautiful tradition I wanted to include it in this year's fic. _

_Merry Christmas to all who celebrate! And as a neat little Christmas present, I'm going to let you in on the not-so-secret sequel. I do always check every year, which is why I asked the question a few chapters back. I just wanted to make sure there were people that would think it worth reading. It will be separate from this. I don't want to take away from this (which turned out totally different than I anticipated, by the way. Literally), but it will exist. _

_And there is one more chapter. After all, we have to get some sort of Caskett resolution!_


	25. Chapter 25

_To those that celebrate I do hope it was a merry one._

_This chapter is for the reviewers, who, without fail, made my day and made me think. You are the best people an author could ask for in a self-challenge like this._

**December 25, 2010**

Kate woke to bouncing.

She wasn't used to it. She was used to beeping, or ringing, or… well, anything but bouncing. But there was definitely bouncing. Her eyes blinked open and she took a second to realize it wasn't her apartment. It was typical. When it came to her job, she could be awake in seconds, but if she was on holiday? Seconds turned into very long minutes.

"Good morning, Kate."

She looked up to find Alexis at the end of the bed, looking perky and awake. Kate cleared her throat. "What time is it?"

"A little after nine," Alexis offered. "But Dad warned me," She reached for the bedside table and came back cradling a mug that smelled heavenly to Kate's groggy brain. So she sat up and accepted the mug, more used to balancing coffee on a shifting mattress than Alexis. Her eyes closed as she took in the scent, then sipped gratefully.

"Dad was right. It is like a drug to you."

Kate eyes snapped open at Alexis' voice and her grin.

"I'd leave you alone with the coffee, but I know Dad's excited for presents."

Kate rolled her eyes. Of course he was. Of all the traditions he could be excited about… Still, she was excited too, She was looking forward to seeing what Rick and Alexis thought of her carefully chosen gifts.

"Good morning, Detective," Rick greeted, coming from the kitchen with his own mug. With a skill that surprised her, he wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her to him. There was a quick glance at his daughter before he chose to press a kiss against her cheek.

"Merry Christmas, Rick," Kate murmured in reply as he pulled back, his arm still wrapped around her.

Alexis grinned. "Come _on_."

Kate settled beside Martha on the couch, both of them out of the way of the melee that ensued. Watching the Castles open presents was a gift in itself. She sat back happily as Alexis and Rick tore into presents and even Martha seemed to be in the gift-giving spirit. Kate was not a passive participant, however, and she'd had to stop Rick and Alexis from opening her gifts more than once. They were sentimental and special and the last thing she wanted was for them to get lost.

It was surprising to see two people who had, both separately and together, hated the holiday, tearing so childishly into gifts. But it made Kate smile, if only because it seemed obvious they were having fun.

When they were down to the last pile of gifts – and Martha had departed for her 'dramatic pause' between the hullabaloo of present opening and breakfast – Kate finally stood from her ball on the couch. The first gift she picked up was kind of rectangular. She handed it to Rick, but pulled it back at the last minute, eyes narrowed.

"_Don't_ shake it," she scolded.

He pouted, but it quickly changed to a smile as she let him take the gift. He tore off the paper, the same way he'd done for his gifts from his mother and daughter and paused in confusion at the plain white box. He pulled out what was inside, and folded the tissue paper aside.

He paused, looking down at the solid wood picture frame. Inside, was a picture of him and Alexis she'd taken at her dad's. Her dad had always been big on pictures, so the camera was always lying around and she'd taken full advantage.

"I have some others in my purse," she said, watching as his fingers stroked over her neat script. She'd written 'First Christmas' on the bottom of the frame and the date on the back for memories. "Other pictures, I mean."

He met her eyes. "Can I see them?"

Kate went to her purse, withdrawing the small envelope and offering it to him. He set the picture frame down before dropping to the couch. Kate perched on the edge, watching him flip through them. He paused on one and pulled it out of the pile.

"Can I switch the picture?"

Her smile felt a little tighter than she wanted it to. "If you'd like."

With a couple of quick movements, he changed the picture, then turned it around for his daughter and Kate to see. Instead of just Rick and Alexis, Kate now joined them, laughing. Kate remembered the moment vividly. Her father was trying to urge her to get in the picture but Kate had resisted. Until Rick had grasped her hand and tugged her onto the couch. She'd spilled over his legs, landing on both of them and they'd all laughed.

The sentiment wasn't lost on Kate as the blush heated her cheeks.

Alexis, rather thankfully, broke the moment and exchanged a look with her father before he stood and picked up one of the gifts.

It was a small box, but not the size of a ring or earrings. It wasn't long, so Kate felt comfortable in concluding it wasn't a bracelet. But it was small enough that it could still be jewelry. Her heart beat heavily as she accepted it and sucked in a deep breath. Then, with careful fingers, she picked apart the paper. Sure enough, the box was definitely for jewelry. Kate knew her hands were shaking as she lifted the lid.

The intake of air was instinctual.

The burning behind her eyes was insane.

The snowflake pendant was small, but beautiful.

"A little birdy told me Whos live on snowflakes," Rick said quietly, taking the box and pulling out the pendant. Kate moved without thought, turning her back and lifting her hair so he could fasten it to her neck. Her fingers drifted over it as she met Alexis' sparkling eyes. The teenager had watched both versions the night before while Kate and Rick were at the charity gala.

"Rick-" she breathed.

"You're keeping it," he told her as his hands came to rest on her shoulders. His thumbs traced the tendons down her neck and into her back and she turned to face him, her finger still ghosting over the stones.

"Are these-?"

"I'm pleading the Fifth," he replied with a lopsided grin. "Same with the metal."

"Thank you," she whispered.

"You're welcome," he answered, squeezing her side where one of his hands had drifted.

Alexis caught their attention again as she lifted one of the last two gifts under the tree. Kate's breath caught as Alexis stepped towards her.

"It's from me," Alexis said with a shrug. "Just because."

If it wasn't Christmas, and Alexis wasn't all but vibrating as she stood in front of Kate, the detective probably would have agreed. But Alexis looked so anxious and so terrified that Kate doubted this was just any gift. Much like Rick's she picked at the wrapping paper, opening it carefully. There was another box inside. She broke the tape and pulled out the bubble-wrapped object inside.

And felt tears actually flood her eyes.

It was a little figurine of two women skating. Well, 'women' was a generous description for the figure on the left. Kate watched it go blurry as she held it in the palm of her hand.

"You were here when my mom wasn't," Alexis said softly, settling on the coffee table. "And I know how much your mom's memory means to you right now." She shrugged again. "It seemed appropriate."

Kate very slowly and very carefully wrapped the figurine back in its bubble wrap. She tucked it back into the box and set the box aside.

Then yanked Alexis into a hug.

Kate felt her let out a heavy breath as she wrapped her arms back around Kate. They stayed there for a minute as both tried to get ahold of themselves. Then Alexis leaned back and wiped her eyes.

Kate went for the tree and lifted the last present, biting down on her lip as she held it in between her hands. She flattened the ribbon, blinking back heavy emotion, some of which still lingered, then held it out for Alexis.

"This is for you."

Kate bit her lip as Alexis carefully pulled the paper apart. She'd been careful to leave this particular one for last. She felt Rick's hand on her back, felt her body heat, but nothing mattered beyond Alexis.

Alexis placed the paper to the side and looked down at the simple white box. She broke the tape easily and opened the box.

Inside, was an angel, browned with age, holding a bow. Alexis lifted it out of the box delicately. "Kate," she breathed out.

"It was my mom's," Kate said quietly.

She felt Rick's hand still completely on her back and Alexis' head snapped up to meet her gaze.

"Well, it was mine as a kid," Kate amended. She shrugged. "It's your first Christmas with your dad in a long time, and I wanted to make sure you had something to remember it by."

"Kate," Alexis breathed. "I can't."

"You can," Kate argued back with a smile. "I want you to." She looked fondly at the angel. "The one thing about Christmas that I've always remembered is that you have to make the best of what you have. It may not be perfect, it may not be a fairytale, but that doesn't mean it can't be good."

Alexis put the angel aside and stood, wrapping her arms tightly around Kate's body. "Best Christmas ever," the teenager whispered in Kate's ear.

Then she darted away, taking the angel with her and bounding for her grandmother's room. Kate watched her go for a moment, then wiped at her eyes, cleared her throat and set about cleaning up the room.

Rick caught her hands as she went to pick up the wrapping paper beside him on the couch.

"Go out with me," he said, standing.

Kate sucked in a breath. "Like a date?"

"Yes."

She chewed her lip slightly then shook her head and stepped back. "I don't think that's such a good idea."

Rick rolled his eyes as she tried to go back to cleaning up his living room. He reached over and gripped her arm, tight enough to get her attention, but not tight enough to hurt.

"I'm not blind," he argued. "You put a lot of work into making us believe in the miracle of Christmas. You _wanted_ us to see this holiday like you do. And face it, Kate, you wouldn't have done it if you didn't care." He ran a hand through his hair in agitation. "There's _something_ here, Kate. And I'm done doing it your way."

That didn't settle well with Kate. She felt a spark of something akin to fear race through her. "Rick-"

"No," he interrupted forcefully. "You know we're good together, Kate, and those thoughtful gifts prove you care. You know I have feelings for you. We've already kissed for goodness sake!"

"That was for _Christmas_."

"Was your mother about Christmas?" he asked quietly, searching her eyes. "You don't share Johanna with just anyone, Kate, even I know that. So why did you share it with us?"

Kate almost snapped her mouth closed and just watched him, warily. She couldn't help the fear. He was Richard Castle and as much as she wished his reputation didn't matter, it did. So did the way he drove her nuts, so did her job, so did Alexis… there was so much at stake. Too many things mattered and she was terrified that even if they had explosive chemistry, that would be it.

And she couldn't help but think she'd be thrown out with yesterday's trash.

"I'll make you a deal," he said quietly, reclaiming her attention. "Three dates. If I can convince you that this is worth it, that we can be good together, we give it an honest shot."

"Rick-" She still wasn't sure it was a good idea.

"What was it you said earlier? 'It may not be a fairytale'? I get that relationships are hard work, and I know that with us, with everything we've been through, it's going to be even harder but… I'm willing to try. I'm ready to try."

She could feel herself giving in. He wasn't making promises or guarantees; he was pointing out that things between them probably wouldn't be perfect. But was she willing to take that kind of a chance? She closed her eyes. It was a terrifying concept to think about what she could lose.

But then again, what could she gain? What if he wasn't in it for one night? What if they did make it work? She already knew she liked it when he pulled her pigtails. She already knew he could be there for her when cases got too dark and he'd started to show that he was more than willing to be there for her when things got tough. And there was a traitorous part of her that could admit that Christmas with him had been fun.

"Three dates, Kate. That's all I'm asking for."

And Kate, chewing her lip, and thinking of Christmas, took a leap of faith.

"Okay."

* * *

_Cha-ching! 25 chapters, 25 days and this is even posted before midnight! I have met my deadline and I have to admit, it's honestly a little bit of a surprise I did. This as one of my more frustrating Christmas fics to write, much to my surprise. _

_I will write the 26__th__ to the 1__st__. I've set up for it, and I feel like it would be kind of cruel not to finish it. Plus, it's kind of silly when you guys review this one like crazy not to give you an official ending. _

_I will apologize for not being able to respond to each of you in person. I do prefer to do that but, as you guys are very well aware, things got crazier than I wanted them to. It means a lot that you reviewed anyway, especially those of you who left long ones and pointed out the things they liked and didn't and loopholes in my story. I do try and make it as 'real' as I can, but what matters more is that you've enjoyed it. _

_As a side-note, and not as a self-promotion, I am looking to get back into the fics that aren't finished yet. I'm hoping Rome will be up first since T&B deserves more time and effort than I've been necessarily willing to put in. And I have to find where my muse went on vacation for that one. So look for an update on "When in Rome" next. _

_Well, beyond the sequel for this which is going to take up most of my next six days. _

_Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!_


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